Because that is how Mr and Mrs Laugh do it
by Roxanne the Laugh
Summary: My first Georgia Nicolson fanfic. Set a week after ATMBISBM. Dave and Gee are finally official snogging partners. But not all is marvy: the Ace Gang and Barmy Army are being nosey and Gee just wishes her and Dave were still snogging in the bushes.
1. Bushes don't have beards

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

**Previously ****at the end of Are these my Basoomas I See Before Me?**

_I said, "So, do you want to be my girlfriend? I mean, do you want to…"_

_He put his arm around me._

_"Go on then, Sex Kitty, I'll be your girlfriend. It'll probably all end in tears. Mine. But… I am Dave the Biscuit. I will survive. Give us a snog an__d possibly a Rummachen unterhalb der Taille. Go on, you know you want to."_

_And I did want to._

**1. Blimey O'Reilly's trouser's... Bushes don't have beards **

Saturday, October 22

**9:00 am**

My uber gorgey girlfriend is taking me out to lunch. To some tres tres marvy restaurant.

Can't believe I asked him to be my girlfriend. The Barmy Army found it hilarious: Rollo was spying on us. He's so vair annoying. He keeps texting Dave and making rudey dudey comments.

**9:20 am**

Libby's banging at my door. She can't get in, because I've pushed my wardrobe up against the door.

'GINGEY! BAD BOY! OPEN DOOR!' I miss Dave. And I can actually admit that now, without being full of red bottomosity.

**9:45 am**

Phone rang.

Vati shouted up the stairs. 'Georgia, get the bloody phone!'

'Sure, it's not like I'm busy getting ready for a date or anything!'

'Don't be so bloody cheeky, young lady!'

**1 minute later**

On the phone with Jas (or Radio Jas, as I've neatly re-named her).

'Gee. It's me.'

'Yes. But is it you?'

'Huh... Gee, it's Jas.'

'Oui my bestest pally, I know. Now, what is it that you called about?'

'Err... What time's your date with Dave the Laugh?'

'Since went, may I ask, have you been interested in my activities with Mr. Laugh?'

'Well... Err... you know... I... Well... RoRo... and erm... I...' I'm speaking to Ellen. When did that happen?

Hung up on Jas. I would be there hours, listening to her dithering.

**3 minutes later**

Phone rang again.

I answered. 'Jas, if you're still dithering about me and Dave, then I don't wanna speak to you.'

'You just can't stop talking about me, can you Kittykat? I don't blame you: I am Jack the Biscuit after all.'

'Dave...' Oh Lord Sandra's undercrackers, it's Dave. And I'm not wearing any makeup.

'I'm just checking that My Sex Kitty isn't going to stand me up at the uber cool restaurant I'm taking her too.' I've gone all jelliod. Dave's voice is so marvy: it makes me more jelliod, than both Masimo and Robbie combine. I bet you never thought I'd be saying that about Dave.

**1 minute later**

'Err... Kittykat. Are you still there?' Gadzooks, I'm still on the phone to Dave.

'Nrrrghh...' Oops. 'I mean yes, I'm still here.'

Dave laughed.

'Coolio. S'later.'

**Back in my bedroom**

Dave hung up on me. How rude.

Libby's in my room now. She's jumping on my bed.

'I'M A BLOODY TEAPOT AND THIS IS MY SPOUT.' I don't know where she learns all these words from.

**1 minute late**

Door bell rang.

'Georgia, there's someone at the door!'

'That's nice!'

'Don't be so bloody cheeky!' Oh right, that's were Libby learns her colourful language from.

**10:18 am**

The Ace Gang are sitting in my bedroom. We're painting each other's nails.

'Where is Mr. Laugh taking you for lunch?' Jools was in the middle of painting my toes. Jas, Rosie, Mabs and Ellen were all staring at me.

'I don't know. He's picking me up at twelve.' Rosie pulled out her bread, and started to look thoughtful about my response.

'Apparently, Dave the Laugh doesn't want anyone interrupting his one on one time with Kittykat.'

**1 minute later**

I'm still wearing that weird goldfish expression. I wasn't sure how to reply to RoRo's comment. I loved that Dave didn't want anyone to interrupt us. Not that anyone ever interrupts me and Dave. We're normally snogging the living day light out of each other, in a brush somewhere. Or there was that one time in RoRo's closet, but that's a different story.

**11:00 am**

Ace Gang have gone.

Bugger, I only have an hour to get ready for my date with Dave.

**5 minutes later**

I've wrote a schedule. This will be my all time personal best.

20 minutes - Choose an outfit and put face mask on.

5 minutes - Get dressing into outfit.

20 minutes - Remove face mask, do hair and makeup.

5 minutes - Choose accessories and pack bag.

**11: 10 am**

Skirt or dress?

Skirt... I can wear my little red tartan one, with black tights and my black biker boots.

Or my little black dress. All sophisticated and gorgey, with Mutti's black heels.

**3 minutes later**

I'm going with skirt, but then the dress is more Sex Kitty-ish.

Which would Dave prefer?

**1 minute later**

He probably wouldn't care. I can hear him now.

'Kittykat, you're gorgeous in everything. But it you want my opinion, I think you should wear your nuddy pants.' Cheeky Cat.

**11: 50 am**

Ready with 10 minutes to spare.

Surprised? Me too.

**12:00 pm**

Sitting at my window, watching my vair gorgey boyfriend walk down the street.

He winked at me, when he noticed me in the window. I head-butted the window. Not on purpose you loons. I was leaning on the sill, with my head in my hands. My hands slipped and I head-butted the window.

Dave laughed like a loon on loon tablets.

**5 minutes later**

Now that Dave had composed himself. He knocked on my front door. I rubbed my head, before grabbing my clutch bag and heading downstairs.

Mutti made it to the door before me. She's wearing her see through nightie. Her nunga-nunga are literally hanging out the top of it. Dave's eyes are almost popping out of their sockets.

I glared at him.

'Hi Mrs. Nicol...'

'Connie.'

'Yeah. I meant that... Would it be alright if I took Kit- Georgia out for lunch?'

Awww. That's so sweet. He's asking for permission to take me out on our date.

**2 minutes later**

My Mutti's so embarrassing. Dave's still staring at her basoomas. I coughed. Ended up coughing like a loon.

'Awww... Sweetie. Maybe you shouldn't go out if you've got a cold coming.' Mutti pressed her hand to my forehead. 'I'll take you to see the doctor tomorrow.' I knew that was coming: she's not your average concerned parent. If I had a cold, it just meant she got to see doctor 'gorgey' Gilhooley, aka doctor Clooney.

**12:10 pm**

After dragging Dave away from my house and it's prozzie occupant, we walked hand in hand towards town.

'You look very sexy today, Sex Kitty.' I'd chosen to wear my little black dress eventually. Makeup was minimal, with charcoal smoky eye shadow: and my hair was up in a pretty curly manner.

I smiled at Dave.

'You don't look bad yourself.' He was in a pair of fab denim jeans, with a casual kinda shirt and loose tie. He also had his blazer on, with the sleeves pushed up. He was very yummy.

**12:15 pm**

Dave attacked me. Straight in at number 5 on the snogging scale.

**1 minute later**

Not sure how we ended up in a phone box.

Bit of number 6. Dave is the master of nib libbling.

He started to trail his lips away from mine. Down my cheek to my neck: 6 ¾.

**1 minute later**

Felt his hands on my nunga-nunga. Cheeky cat. Number 7 though. I moaned out loud; which was embarrassing, because some old lady then knocked on the phone box door. She muttered to herself as me and Dave left the phone box.

'Bloody teenagers, when I was young...'

Dave and I ran for it. We didn't stop until we reached the park, where we burst out laughing.

**3 minutes later**

Snogging Dave again.

This time on a park bench. He didn't try number 7 again.

**1:00 pm**

Finally reached the restaurant. Dave had booked us a table for two. It was outside in a little garden. Tres tres romantic. He even pulled my chair out for me.

'After you Kittykat.' I smiled.

'Dave, this is so cute.'

'Anything for you.' I was going jelliod again. Dave kissed me on the forehead, before sitting opposite me.

**1:12 pm**

'Order anything you like the look of Kitty.'

I knew what I liked the look of: I like the yummy Dave the Tart sitting in front of me.

'Dave the Tart?' Bugger. Did I say that out loud?

'Erm... yeah... I mean... Err... that's... well... you're...'

'Wow... Chill Ellen. Give me my Sex Kitty back.' I blushed.

'Sorry. But it's kinda embarrassing.'

**1 minute late**

Telling Dave about the Cake Shop of Agony.

'Well, when... when I had general horn. I erm... had a little analogy for you, Robbie and the Handbag Horse. It was a cake shop: Robbie was Robbie Éclair, Mas was Italian Cakey and you were Dave the Tart. I choose Dave the Tart in the end. And he's quite yummy.'

**1:15 pm**

Dave and I ordered our food. Dave's in a very good mood, now that I'd told him about the cake shop. We held hands under the table. I think, it's because I called Mas, a Handbag Horse.

**3 minutes later**

I attacked Dave. We're snogging over the table.

Straight in at number 5.

**5 minutes later**

Our food came. I thought the poor waiter was going to have a nervy b.

'Cheers mate.' Dave acting as if nothing happened.

We started to eat. We talked about RoRo's upcoming party.

'Has the Viking bride chose a theme for her next shindig?'

'Don't know. All the Ace Gang have talked about is me and you. Jazzy Spazzy and Jools asked where you were taking me, but I didn't know.'

'Rollo and Tom have been bugging me too. But I don't kiss and tell.' I ate another fork full of my food. Dave was staring at me. It was giving me, quite a nice fuzzy feeling actually.

**1:54 pm**

We've been talking for long while. It's nice: how we can be matey type mates and official snogging partners.

'That bush over there is very interesting: I believe it's a Viking Shrub.'

What? Why's he talking about bushes? Since when, did my gorgey boyfriend, become Ms. Huffy Knickers (aka Jazzy Spazzy, wise woman of the forest).

'What in the name of Jazzy's gigantic knickers are you talking about?' Dave, by now, was staring over my shoulder. I turned in my seat.

BlimeyO'Reilly's trouser's ... Bushes don't have beards. The Ace Gang were spying on us.


	2. Laughing at their goldfish expressions

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

**2. ... laughing at their goldfish expressions**

**2:20 pm**

Dave squeezed my hand under the table.

'You wanna come back to my place... My olds are away for the weekend.' We'd just finished our lunch. The Ace Gang where still watching us, but we'd chosen to ignore them.

**5 minutes later**

Walking back to Dave's house.

Dave's given me his blazer to wear, because it's quite nippy noodles out here.

We're not holding hands anymore, because Dave had his arm around my waist.

'Kittykat, you're nunga-nunga's are quite perky, when they're cold.' I biffed him around the back of the head, as he commented.

'Dave that's very rude.'

**3 minutes later**

Dave's giving me a piggy back. He'd started tickle bears. I'd fallen off my heels and twisted my ankle.

'Sorry Kittykat. You may have to hobble the rest of the way. Your nunga-nungas are weighing me down.' I smacked him around the back of the head again. 'Don't hit Jack the Biscuit. He doesn't like it.'

I leaned forward: placing my lips briefly against Dave's cheek.

'How about that? Does Jack the Biscuit like that?' Dave didn't reply: he's ignorous vousing me. I gave him a love bite. It was just behind his ear; he probably won't even notice.

**Dave's Bedroom**

Dave placed me on his bed, before taking off my heels. He kissed my feet, which I found weird.

'Stop being a fool and snog me.' Dave's cheeky grin spread across his face: and then he attacked me.

**20 minutes later**

Number 6. Dave's wedged up in the corner, because his bed is pushed up against the wall. I'm on his lap, with my legs around his waist. Nothing rudey dudey you loons. Just a couple of snogging partners, having a snogging extravaganza.

Dave's hands have just found the zip on the back on my dress. I'm desperately trying to remember, if I put a sexy over the shoulder boulder holder on this morning.

'Kittykat. You okay with this?' We'd briefly stopped snogging. I thought for a second, before nodding. I wanted Dave to do this.

**5 minutes later**

Number 8, with Dave. He was really gentle with me; and it wasn't all awkward, like it would have been with Mas or Robbie. I didn't stop breathing once. Actually, it was quite nice.

**3:54 pm**

I'm wearing Dave's shirt and my black lace knickers. My dress is on the floor: Dave's jeans are next to it. He's in his boxers. We've just stopped with our snogging extravaganza. He stroked back a strand of hair, which was in my face.

'Top snogging Kittykat.'

After we'd gone to number 8: I'd gone completely jelliod. I wanted to make him jelliod. We hit number 9. Dave hadn't touched me below the waist, but I'd certainly touched him. It had made him moan. He went jelliod and a little hard. He definitely has a good sized trouser snake.

**4 minutes later**

'Shall we have some fun with the rest of the Ace Gang?' I raised my eyebrows at him. He raised his higher: and I tried to go even high, but Dave just laughed. 'Kittykat, you look ridiculous.'

'No you look ridiculous, Mr. Laugh.'

'No you do.'

'No you.'

'No you.'

'No...'

He snogged me to shut me up.

**3:50 pm**

I feel really naughty. The Ace Gang are outside, hiding behind Dave's wall. I've just stood in front of Dave's bedroom window, so that the Ace Gang can see me in Dave's shirt and my black lace undercrackers. Dave dragged me away from the window, so they must have also seen him in his boxers.

**1 minute later**

Someone's banging on Dave's front door.

Dave's left the room: he's answering the door in his undercrackers. I stayed at the top of the stair, so that I could see the Ace Gang's reaction.

It wasn't just the Ace Gang at the door: the Barmy Army were there too, which means the guy's have seen me in my undercrackers. Bugger. Dave's laughing at their goldfish expressions. Rosie was the first person to make any sense, without dithering.

'Emergency Ace Gang meeting. That means you too Gee.'

**3:54 pm**

In Dave's bedroom again, having Ace Gang meeting.

'Snogging scale update. Right now: Gee you're gonna tell us everything.' Rosie, Jools, Ellen, Jas and Mabs all stared at me expectantly. I shook my head at Rosie.

'Rosie, Rosie, Rosie. I have nothing to tell you about.'

'What number are you at then?'

'9.' The girls turned into goldfish again. This time it was Jools, who recovered quickest.

'Same as Rollo and I. Who touched who?'

**6 minutes later**

Snogging scale update. Rosie and Sven are at 10. Jools, Rollo, Dave and I are at 9: Jools touched Rollo up too, like I touched Dave. Jas and Tom are at 7, which isn't a shock. Mabs and Ed are at 6: and Ellen and Dec are at 5.

The girls asked me loads of embarrassing questions. Jools was the worst: Rollo is a bad influence on her.

'How big is Dave's trouser snake?' My turn to be a goldfish.

'I'm not telling you that. That's between me and Mr. Laugh.'

**1 minute later**

I told them.

'Well... Erm... It's... like... it's not... erm... massive, but it's reasonably sized.' God. I've turned into Ellen. RoRo smacked me around the back of the head.

'Suppose you and laughy man won't be attending my party.' I looked at her. That was more ridiculous than Jazzy's humongous botty warmers. I told her.

'RoRo that is tres tres ridiculous. Dave and moi will be there: pants and all.' Mabs started to laugh.

'Talking about pants?' She was staring at my outfit. Gadzooks! I'm still in my lacy undercrackers and Davey's shirt.

**4:14 pm**

Downstairs, listening to the Barmy Army's conversation.

'Dave, stop with the faces. They're very disturbing.' Ed sounded peeved.

'Leave him fantasizing... We'll just have to ask Jas how far he went with Georgia.' Tom's sensible response made me stare at Jas. If she told Tom, then RoRo was my new bestest pally.

'Ja... Davey gone jelliod. Ja. Ja. He such a Biscuit boy.' I'm only gonna give you one guess, as to who, that was. That's right Sven.

'Did she give you a hand job? Jools called it number 9, but I'm not sure what that means.'

'It's their snogging scale. Jas told me about it. ½ is that sticky eye thing they do. 1 is holding hands. 2 is arms around. 3, goodnight kiss. 4, a kiss lasting...'

**1 minute later**

Staring at Jas. How dare she tell Hunky about the snogging scale?

'So, Jools and I are at 9. You and Jas are 7. Ed and Mabs: 6 or 7. Rosie and Sven: 10... Lucky sod...'

'Ja... Fully Monty. Ja. Ja.'

'Dec. You and Ellen are on 5. That just leaves Mr. and Mrs. Laugh... So, Dave?'

**3 minutes later**

Dec had opened the door to the living room. RoRo, Jas, Mabs, Jools, Ellen and I tumbled into the room. I ended up under Jas and RoRo.

The Barmy Army all laughed.

**4:20 pm**

Off the floor. Snogging Dave.

Everyone was sitting on their snogging partner's laps. Jas interrupt Dave and I mid snog.

'Just because you're now dating, doesn't mean you have to, now snog Dave in front of us.' I disagreed with Ms. Huffy Knickers. I could snog the living day lights out of Dave: he's my gorgey boyfriend after all.

**5:11 pm**

Walking back to my house.

Plan is to tell Mutti and Vati, that I'm staying over Jazzy's house, before returning to my gorgey boyfriend.

Jazzy isn't impressed that I'm staying over Dave's. The Barmy Army thought it was coolio. As they left, I heard them wish Dave good luck.

'May the pants be with you tonight, mate.' Ed.

'Go easy on her nunga-nungas mate. I heard sometimes they can pop.' Rollo: Cheeky cat.

'S'later.' Tom and Dec.

'Ja. Ja. You have good tonight. Make good of Kittykat.' And of course Sven.


	3. Because the Biscuit is irresistible

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

**3. ****Because the Biscuit is irresistible**

**My Bedroom**

Can't decide which jimjams to take with me over Dave's.

'Gee... Will you hurry up? Tom promised to go for a ramble with me, before tea time.'

'Which jimjams do you think I should take?'

I was holding my teletubby jimjams, my plain and boring jimjams, and my silky jimjams. Jas just stared at them.

'Does it really matter? No doubt you'll just end up sleeping in your knickers.'

**1 minute later**

Biffed Jas over the head for her rudey dudey comment.

My silk jimjams... Or is that trying too hard.

**1 minute later**

I'll take the boring ones.

No, the silky ones.

**6:03 pm **

Overnight bag packed.

'Mutti! I'm staying over Jas' tonight. S'later.'

Walked out the front door, before Mutti or Vati could reply.

**5 minutes later**

Arrived at Jas' house. Dave was there, waiting to walk me back to his.

He offered to carry my overnight bag. Such a gentleman.

'Dave, you're such a gentleman.' He slung it over his shoulder, whilst winking at me.

'No fair maiden shall carry their own bags, whilst Jack the Biscuit is around. Now, off we go to fight crime on our laughing camels.' He was such a fool.

**1 minute later**

'What would Kittykat like for tea?' Little surprised by Dave's change of attitude. I just shrugged my shoulders: I didn't mind what we had.

'You pick.'

'Alright... Mind telling me about this snogging scale?' I blushed.

'Erm... If you really wanna know.' He nodded, like a nodding thing on nodding tablets. 'Well. Jas and I came up with it. I guess it's so the Ace Gang can talk about snogging without everyone knowing. Jas wasn't supposed to tell Tom.'

'Arr... Radio Jas strikes again.' We both laughed.

'Oui.'

**1 minute later**

'You never answered my question. Kittykat.' I'd cleverly avoided telling him about the actual snogging scale. It was vair vair embarrassing.

'Fine. Erm... Well, ½ is sticky eyes...' He interrupted me.

'That doesn't work for Jack the Biscuit though.'

'No. I've never had to for you. You've always taken notice of me.'

'Why wouldn't I, Kittykat: you're vair gorgey and good for a laugh?'

**Dave's Living room**

Snuggled up on Dave's sofa.

'Number 1 is holding hands. And 2 is arms around. So right now, we're at number 2. Number 3 is a kiss goodnight, so we got to number 3 at the end of our first date.'

Dave had started to play with my hair. He'd pulled out the clips, which kept it up and he was massaging my scalp with one of his hands, whilst twirling my hair in his other. It was vair distracting.

'Erm... 4 is kiss lasting over three minutes without taking a breath. 4 ½ is hand snogging. I'm not explaining that one. That was Jazzy's idea, so I'm guessing Tom knows what it is. Then 5 is open mouth kissing and 6 is tongues. 6 ½ is ear snogging; something Robbie used to do. 6 ¾ is neck nuzzling.' Dave interrupted me again.

'Where Handbag Horse and Robbie better to snog than me?' My inner goldfish came back. Why did he want to know that? Why did he need to know that? He knew he was the best.

'Dave. If they were better than you, why would I have continued to snog you. Even whilst dating them.'

'Because the Biscuit is irresistible.' I smirked.

'Yes he is. But no, Mas and Robbie made me nervous. Snogging's much better when I'm not nervous... What number was I up too?'

'7.'

'Right. 7 is upper body fondling outdoors: and 8 is upper body fondling indoors. This is where the scale gets rudey dudey. 9 is below the waist activity. So, we're on eight, like Jools and Rollo. And 10 is the Full Monty.'

**6 minutes later**

Dave was deep in thought. His hand was still massaging my scalp, meaning when he went to snog me, he pulled my head forward.

Straight to number 5. Little bit of number 6 later on.

**1 minute later**

Dave has gone to the chippy, to get us tea. He wanted kebab meat.

I've taken this chance to nose around his bedroom.

**6:46 pm**

Dave has girly magazines in his room. Must ask if he's on the turn.

**1 minute later**

Dave's bedside cabinet is interesting.

1. His silly red nose.

2. New un-used packet of boy balloons. Oo-er.

3. A locked diary, but there's no key.

4. Pictures of me and him.

5. Hair gel, spot cream and moisturiser.

**2 minutes later**

Bugger. Dave's just caught me looking through his bedside cabinet.

'Kittykat. It's very rudey to look through my things.'

'Are you on the turn?' He raised his eyebrows. I raised mine, he raised his higher. 'I found the chick magazines.'

'Ah... Purely research my Sex Kitten. Girl-kind is a vair confusing fandango.'

'What about the moisturiser?'

**1 minute later**

Dave attacked me.

**7:32 pm**

Eating tea.

We weren't taking about the things, which I'd found in Dave's room.

'What did the Barmy Army say, whilst I was in the Ace Gang meeting?'

'Ah... Wouldn't Kittykat like to know?'

'Oui. That be why she's asking.'

**1 minute later**

He got embarrassed, so I didn't pester him.

Didn't eat all my tea. I'm never this well fed at home. Mutti would have a heart-attack if she saw the amount of food I've eaten today.

**1 minute later**

Dave got out a tub of ice cream. There's two spoons stuck in the top.

**8:19 pm**

On Dave's lap again. Watching a horror movie and eating choc-y ice cream.

**9:02 pm**

I'm going to have nightmares, after seeing this film. I'll never get to sle... zzzz.

Sunday, October 23

**10:00 am**

Wrapped up in Dave's duvet. It smells all Dave-ish.

**1 minute later**

Speak of the devil. He's just walked back into the room, with a cheeky grin on his face.

'Morning Kittykat.'

I've just noticed, he's only in his undercrackers again. Phwoaaar. He has a fab set of abs.

**4 minutes later**

Oh my Big G. I look like a racoon. I never took my makeup off last night.

'I look a racoon.' Dave smirked, but didn't laugh.

'You don't. You look beautiful.' I blushed. Great now I'm a red racoon.

**10:12 pm**

Dave cooked me breaky. It was scrummy, double cool with knobs on.

**11:30 pm**

Walking home. Dave said he was going out with the Barmy Army later, so he'd see me later.

When we reached my house, we snogged. He's grown quite a bit since I've known him. When we first dated he was shorter than me. I had to do the weird orang-utan arm thing, so I could snog him. Now he's taller than me: talk about grow spurt.

**1 minute later**

Straight in at number 5.

**11:35 pm**

Mutti was standing at the living room window, watching me snog Dave. She pounced on me, when I entered the hall way.

'I thought you were staying at Jas' house?'

'I was. Dave came over this morning to get his jacket back, because I was wearing it after our date. He offered to walk me home, because he's on the way to meet his mates.'

**1 minute later**

'Oh. Georgia. There's a parcel for you.' A parcel... for moi?

**1 minute later**

Took the parcel off of Mutti. Surprisingly it hadn't been opened.

It's from Masimo!

**My Bedroom**

Wardrobe pushed against the door.

Ripped the wrapping paper off the parcel. Inside was a letter.

_To Cara. I missing you much. London is not fun without you. Hoping maybe you come see me soon. You may bring a friend. I send you two tickets, to the Dylans' first gig. It's on Wednesday. We're opening for an American solo artist: Avril Lavigne. We met her yesterday, she's very nice. I send you some things for the gig too._

_Love Masimo._

**5 minute later**

Mas thinks I'm a stick insect. He sent me a Stiff Dylans tshirt, but there was no way it would fit around my nunga-nungas.

I tried it on. It's very tight. Give me a great cleavage though.

**1 minute later**

My red bottomosity's coming back. Bugger.

No. I'm with Dave. I love Dave.

**1 minute later**

Wow... I love Dave.

**3 minutes later**

Phoning Jas.

'Hello.'

'Jas, it's me.'

'What do you want Gee? I'm about to go rambling with Tom.' Charming: I hung up.

**1 minute later**

Phoning RoRo.

'Ja.' Great Sven's picked the phone up.

'Sven is RoRo there. It's Georgia.'

'Ja. Ja... RoRo busy.' Marvy.

**1 minute later**

Hung up on Sven. Who do I ring now?

Ellen... Christ no: she'll be dithering for England, if I tell her about the parcel.

Jools or Mabs...? Hmmm...

**1:24 pm**

Phoning Dave.

Can't believe I'm phoning Dave. I hope he's free to answer his mobile.

'Hey Sex Kitty...'

'Is my Hornmeister free to speak?'

'Err... Sure.' I then heard him shout to the guys. 'Jack the Biscuit out... So Kittykat, what can the Hornmeister do for you?' I gulped.


	4. Back to the Rack of Love

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

**4. ... back to the Rack of Love. Will I ever escape?**

**1 minute later**

I couldn't speak. I dithered, which worried Dave.

'Kitty. Are you alright?' I gulped again.

'I just got a letter from Masimo.'

'Oh. What did our favourite homosexual Italian say?' He was taking this well. The Dylans have been in London for almost two weeks. I'd heard from Robbie about a week ago: he's found himself a girlfriend. She sounded really nice and I couldn't wait to meet her.

I guess, I will meet her, if I take up Mas' offer and go to their gig.

**1 minute later**

'What did the letter say?'

'Err... He said he misses me. He invited me to London to see the Dylans performing. Can you believe it? He still loves me.'

'Oh.' Dave sounded heartbroken. He hung up on me.

**1:54 pm**

I'm such a twit. I've just smashed my gorgey Dave the Tart all over the sidewalk.

I've crawl back onto the Rack of Love. Will I ever escape?

**4:00 pm**

Been phoning Dave since two o'clock. He won't answer his phone.

Left him a voice mail message.

'Davey... Please speak to me. I don't love the Handbag Horse. I love you.' My voice wobbled, as I recorded this message.

Monday, October 24 

**9:00 am**

Feeling tres tres lonely.

Dave never rang me back. I doubt he's even listened to the message.

**1 minute later**

Phoning Jas.

'Hello. Jas speaking.'

'Jas... It's me. Georgia.'

'Oh.'

'Huh?'

'Tom told me about the letter from Mas.'

'How does Tom know?'

'Dave told him. You've destroyed Dave's heart.' It felt like Angus was sitting on my chest. I could hardly breathe. 'Georgia. Are you okay?' My breathing was irregular by now.

'Jas, I've got to go.'

**9:12 am**

Running to Dave's house in my jimjams. My hair's in tangles around my face, because it's wet from where I've been crying. I haven't really stopped, since I cried myself to sleep.

**Dave's house**

Banging on Dave's front door.

'David, let me in!'

**1 minute later**

Hunky opened the door.

'Georgia?' He looked really worried. 'He doesn't want to talk to you.'

'Hunky, get out my way!'

**1 minute later**

Trying to get passed Hunky. I wasn't successful.

'Fine!'

**9:30 am**

Sitting on Dave's garden wall. Bawling my eyes out. And it's started raining.

**10:00 am**

'Kittykat.' Dave walked up behind me. He wrapped his arms around me. 'Why you in your jimjams?'

**2 minutes later**

Staring at the sidewalk.

Dave walked around to stand in front of me. 'Come on Kitty. Let's get you in the dry.' He was soaked, because it's bucketing it down. His hair's drenched and his top's sticking to his abs. I looked a mess. My jimjams were soaked: and as Dave wiped my eyes, he smiled. 'You're so cute.'

**1 minute later**

Dave carried me into his house. He asked Tom to leave. Tom gave Dave a long hard stare.

'You sure, mate.'

'Yeah. Kittykat and I need to have a little chat.' I gulped.

**Dave's Room**

Dave got me a towel to dry off. And a set of his jimjams to wear, whilst mine dried in the airing cupboard.

I still have tears running down my face.

**10:20 am**

Sitting in bed with Dave. All dry and cosy.

'Kitty. I sorry, I jumped to conclusions.'

'Dave, it's fine.'

'I listened to the message; you left me, on my mobile.' I started to go red. Can't believe, I'd told him, I loved him. 'It's very sweet, Sex Kitten.'

'I... I... I thought... well, I don't love Mas. I love you... Mas has... has sent me two tickets for the Dylans, when they open for Avril Lavigne in London. I... I... was hoping you'd come with me.'

Dave was smiling.

'You want me to go with you. I thought you'd take Jas.'

'No. You're my bestest pally.'

**2 minutes later**

Snogging Dave. Number 8. He has his hands under his pyjama top, which I'm wearing. I'm moaning into the kiss, because he's a vair good fondler.

**10:35 am**

Someone knocking on Dave's front door.

**1 minute later**

The Ace Gang and Barmy Army are here. The Ace Gang giggled, when they saw me in Dave's jimjams.

'Little big for you, aren't they?' I biffed Ms. Huffy Knickers over the head, for her comment.

Dave's top hangs off one of my shoulders, whilst I've pulled the waist band in on the trousers.

'Tease my Kittykat girls and I'll kick you out.'

Speak of the devil, he'd just re-entered the room. He gave me a hug, which was welcome, because I'm rather chilly.

'Awww...' Rollo, Ed and Dec spoke in sync, with exaggerated girly voices. Dave told them he'd duff them up, if they didn't behave themselves. Oo-er.

**10:40 am**

Sat on Dave's lap again. RoRo is explaining her party theme.

'Party theme is Karaoke. Everyone is required to sing. Else I'll set Sven on you.' Fab. Sing, or be dragged across the room, by the Viking groom.

**1 minute later**

Looking on YouTube for songs.

Jas and Tom are being made to sing, You Are the Music in Me, out of High School Musical 2. Talk about cheesy. I'm just hoping I don't have to sing with Dave. We won't finish a song, because we'll be laughing.

**11:00 am**

Back in my own jimjams. Songs have been decided for RoRo's party.

I'm singing Stop Standing There, by Avril Lavigne. According to the Ace Gang and Barmy Army, this song sums up my relationship with Dave. The Barmy Army found it hilarious, but I wasn't amused.

Dave was being forced to sing Big Fan, by The Stiff Dylans. I didn't think that was vair fair; but that didn't matter to RoRo and Rollo, who picked the song between them.

**1:00 pm**

The Ace Gang slowly dragged the Barmy Army away from Dave's house during the morning.

**1:12 pm**

Snogging Dave. Number 6.

**1:53 pm**

Dave's walking me home.

We're both in our jimjams, because Dave didn't want me feeling silly. He's such a gentleman. A loon, but still a gentleman. I definitely love him.

**My bedroom**

Dave's coming to London with me. I showed him the tshirt Mas sent. He wanted me try it on. I didn't, because it would give him the horn.

**1 minute later**

Libby came storming into my room.

'GINGY! WHERE BEEN?'

'Libs. I've been out with Dave.'

'DAVEY MY BOYFWEND. YOU NOT HAVING HIM!' She started to hit me with Pantalitzer. 'BAD BOY!'

Great now my little sister wants to steal my Dave the Tart.

**3:00 pm**

Hmmm... I need to shave my legs again, before going to London.

Wonder what tickets Mas has sent me?

**1 minute later**

Billio. He sent backstage VIP passes.

Train tickets for the 7 o'clock train. I'll never be up at that time: it's like he doesn't know me at all.

And hotel reservations.

**1 minute later**

Wow the hotel's really posh. Dave and I are in for a good night. Oo-er

**3 minutes later**

Getting fed up with my orang-utan gene. It takes up way too much of my time. My eyebrows need plucking again.

**1 minute later**

Tonight's plan

1. Finish shaving and moisturising legs.

2. Pluck Eyebrows.

3. Bubble bath.

4. Put hairs in curlers.

5. Facial.

6. Ask Mutti about going to London.

Tuesday, October 25

**12:12 pm**

In town with Ace Gang.

Picking out an outfit for the gig in London tomorrow.

We've been through a dozen of outfits. Jools and RoRo say I should buy a new lingerie set, in case Dave gets a little too horny. I glared at them.

'Gee, you know it makes sense. You've just told him, you love him. He's gonna wanna reach number 10 eventually.'

**1:30 pm**

I'd shown the girl the things Mas had sent. They squealed.

**5:00 pm**

Packing a kit bag for tomorrow.

Dave and I would be staying in London for two nights. We arrive in London at around 9 o'clock tomorrow.

**5:21 pm**

Phoning Masimo.

'Ciao.'

'Hey Masimo. It's Georgia.'

'Ah... Cara. You come see me tomorrow?'

'Actually, yes I am. I was wondering what was happening about that.'

'Si. I meet you at train station. Robbie come too yes: he'll be bringing Sara. Then we look around London for time. And we have set up at four, so you may come watch us set up and run sound check.'

'Sounds great.'

'It be nice to see you, Cara. I miss your madness.'

I can't believe Mas' voice doesn't make me jelliod anymore. And I didn't get stupid brain, whilst talking to him. I've really moved on. I just hope he takes the news well.


	5. You look like a Curlywhirly

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

**5. You look like a Curlywhirly**

Wednesday, October 26

**6:40 am**

Dave's just arrived. Vati is going to drive us to the station.

Surprisingly Vati gets on with Dave. I'd go as far to say he likes Dave, a lot.

**7:00 am**

Just got on the train. Dave and I had a quick snog. Straight to number 5.

**4 minutes later**

'I phoned Mas last night. To ask him what's happening today.'

'Oh. What did he have to say for himself?'

'Again that he misses me. But guess what? I didn't go jelliod on him.' Dave smiled.

'That's my Kittykat. Only going jelliod for le Biscuit.'

**1 minute later**

Leaning on Dave's shoulder. He snogged me for a brief second.

'I love you, Kittykat.' This made me smile.

'I love you, Mr. Laugh.'

**7:20 am**

'You hair's vair gorgey today, Kittykat. You look like a Curlywhirly.' Typical Dave: that was almost a compliment.

I'm wearing a pretty grey dress today; with a short grey cardi, which ties at the front and has three quarter length sleeves. The dress is mid thigh length with spaghetti straps. It has an orange and teal spot pattern all over it: and the herm is in a puffball style.

**8 minutes later**

Dave had his arm around me.

'Did you bring that Stiff Dylans tshirt?'

'Oui. But I'm not sure I wanna wear it. It squishes my nunga-nungas.' Dave had started to stare at my basoomas, by now.

'Hmmm...'

**2 minutes later**

Biffed Dave around the back of the head.

**1 minute later**

Ignorous vousing Dave. He's pouting.

'Sorry Kittykat. You're nunga-nungas are just to enticing.'

**2 minutes later**

Snogging Dave.

I'm so weedy. I couldn't even ignore him for 5 minutes.

**8:12 am**

Dave's mobiles ringing.

**1 minute later**

Listening to Dave talk to Rollo.

'Supporting my fair Kittykat.'

**1 minute later**

Have my ear pressed up against the mobile, so I can hear Rollo.

'What if she still loves Masimo?'

'I don't believe she does.'

'But she might. I'm just looking out for you mate.'

'Hmmm... Well, I love her. I'll fight. I am le Biscuit and I shall survive.'

**1 minute later**

Taken the phone off Dave. He's grinning like the Cheshire Cat on grinning tablets.

'Rollo. I'd appreciate, if you didn't goss about me, when I can hear you.'

'Gee...' Rollo was pretty shocked.

'Oui.'

'I'm only looking out for Dave. He's not fun when you break his heart.'

'True. But I won't break his heart this time. I love him.' Rollo was silent.

**8:25 am**

Dave took the mobile off of me.

'Kittykat, you've gone vair red.' He poked my cheek, as he spoke. I didn't think admitting, I loved Dave, to his mates would be so embarrassing.

'Rollo. Stop having a nervy b. about me. I'm Jack the Biscuit, I'll be alright.'

**8:40 am**

Dave's shoulder is so vair comfy.

**3 minutes later**

Snogging Dave.

Number 6.

**10 minutes later**

Approaching London. We're a little early.

Dave has both our bags on his shoulder. He's also holding my hand. I'm leading him down the train, because there's not enough room for us to walk side by side.

**8:55 am**

Getting off the train.

Mas and Robbie are waiting further down the platform.

**1 minute later**

They've just spotted me, meaning they both smiled. Then Dave got off the train. Mas' face fell.

**1 minute later**

Hugging Robbie.

'Georgia. It's great to see you again.'

Hugging Mas.

'Cara. You brought Dave with you?'

**9:00 am**

Silence between Mas and I.

Robbie's greeting Dave.

'Dave, mate. I wasn't expecting to see you... Thought Gee would bring Jas.'

'Jas got attacked by a water vole.' The three of them just stared at me, as I blurted this out. Dave started to laugh.

'Same old Georgia then.' Dave nodded.

'Yep.' He popped the 'p', whilst I looked back to Mas. He looked really very confused.

**9:10 am**

We're walking out the station.

Bugger. Mas and Robbie have brought their vespers.

Robbie threw Dave a helmet.

'You'll have to come on the back of mine, mate. Georgia's going with Mas.'

**4 minutes later**

On the back of Mas' vesper. Clutching his waist. Vair awkward fandango.

Dave's with Robbie.

**Hotel Le Posh**

Robbie and Mas took us to our hotel, so we could ditch our bags.

**9:32 am**

Robbie came into the lobby with us, whilst Mas locked up the vespers.

'Anything exciting happen since we left?' Robbie's question threw me. I wasn't sure how much Dave had told him on the way here.

'Erm... No... I mean... not really.' Dave took hold of my hand.

'He knows Kittykat. I told him on the way here.' I blushed: Robbie smiled.

'It's alright Gee... I've always thought, Dave was a perfect match for you. That's why I told him about you.'

**5 minutes later**

Mas has just joined us. Dave's still holding my hand, meaning I went very red.

'Erm... Masimo. I... I've got... I mean... I've got to... like... like tell you something.'

Mas looked vair confused. Robbie told him in the end.

'Mas... Georgia's with Dave now.'

**2 minutes later**

Silence. I felt like a prat on prat tablets. Mas hasn't spoken yet.

Robbie took Dave away, so that I was alone with Mas.

'I'm sorry, I didn't tell you earlier.'

Mas didn't speak.

'Say something.' He sighed.

He looked heartbroken.

**12 minutes later**

Mas left.

I couldn't speak.

Dave carried me up to our room. Robbie went off to find Mas.

**Room 203, Hotel Le Posh**

Sitting on the massive double bed.

'Kittykat. You okay?'

'He hates me.' Dave stroked the hair, out of my face.

'No one could possible hate such a gorgey girl like you.'

**1 minute later**

Dave makes me smile, so vair much.

He bought his stupid red nose with him. He let me wear it.

**1 minute later**

I tried to snog Dave.

We head-butted each other, because I was wearing the stupid red nose.

Dave laughed.

'Watch it Kittykat. You'll give me brain damage.'

'What difference would that make? You're already a loon.'

'I'm not a loon.'

'Yes, you are Davey.'

'No, I'm not.'

'You are.'

'I'm not.'

'You are.'

**10:02 am**

Dave started tickle bears.

He's sitting on me.

'Dave... Get... off... You're... very... heavy.' I spoke between breaths, as I roared with laughter.

'Are you calling me fat, Kittykat?'

He'd stopped with the tickle bears, but was still sat on me.

**3 minutes later**

Snogging Dave.

Number 6.

He had one hand in my hair, and the other on the small of my back.

**5 minutes later**

Gone jelliod.

**1 minute later**

'Has Kitty gone jelliod?'

'Nrrrghh...' He grinned.

He kissed me on the forehead, before going off to the loo. I continued to lay on the bed, because I was still jelliod.

**10:14 am**

Someone knocking at the door.

It's Mas and Robbie.

'Hey... Guys.' I sounded like a loon.

Stupid Dave and his fabbity snogging skills.

**1 minute later**

'Georgia. You alright?' I nodded.

'Yeah.' I sighed in a dreamlike manner.

'Where's Dave?' I shrugged my shoulders.

'In the loo.'

**2 minutes later**

Robbie and Mas stood staring at me, as I sat back on the bed.

**1 minute later**

Dave's back in the room. I giggled, which made Dave smirked.

'Sex Kitty, we want Georgia back.'

'She's here.'

'Hmmm... She's gone jelliod though.'

**10:40 am**

On Oxford Street with Dave, Robbie and Mas.

Mas is talking to me again. He said it was alright: he didn't blame me for moving on.

**11:00 am**

In Starbucks waiting for Robbie's new girlfriend.

'What songs are the Dylans playing tonight?'

'We're opening with Ever Falling In Love.' Dave looked at me, as Mas replied. He was grinning.

'We danced to that on our first date. Do you remember that Kitty?' I nodded.

Dave and I had danced to it, when I used him as a red herring, to try and make Robbie jealous. I was a little ashamed of that; because if I hadn't bothered with Robbie or Mas, I could have had Dave the Tart all to myself a lot sooner.

**11:10 am**

Robbie's girlfriends arrived.

Her names Sara. She's vair pretty.

Dead straight hair, which is blonde with black low lights and a nice (non Jazzy) fringe. She has her hair pulled back into a pony tail.

Robbie walked over to hug her. She snogged him.

'She's nice. Little, how you say, emotional.'

**4 minutes later**

Robbie brought Sara over to the table. She sat on his lap.

'Sara... This is Dave and Georgia. They're my friends from home.'

Sara removed her humongous sunnies.

Her eyes are striking: bright blue, with thick black eyeliner to frame them.

'Georgia...? 'Stop in the name of the Pant!', that Georgia.' Dave burst out laugh, whilst my inner goldfish showed itself. I couldn't believe Robbie had told her about that.

Robbie just nodded, meaning Sara smiled. 'Hey. I'm Sara. Robbie speaks about you a lot: I was starting to think he'd made you up.' Dave butted in.

'Make Kittykat up? You'd have to be a complete loon to do that.' Thanks Dave.

**11:30 am**

Sara's tres tres amusant. We had a good chit chat, whilst we drank our coffee's.

'So, you're false eyelashes, actually glued your eyes shut. Gosh, what did you do?'

'I tried to act normal... I danced away, and eventually, crash into my bestest pally. She lead me to the tart wardrobe. And we prised my eyes open'

**4 minutes later**

'So, what's your story with the Dylans?' Dave butted in.

'General horn and red bottomosity.' I biffed Dave around the head. Sara raised her eyebrows.

'What does that mean?' I sighed.

'I used to fancy the pants off, both Mas and Robbie at the same time; as well as, snogging Dave on the side.'

**1 minute later**

Sara found my red bottomosity funny.

Robbie and Dave started to talk about old times, which involved me.

'You remember when Gee tested that blonde hair dye on herself?' Dave raised his eyebrows.

'Really Kittykat. But you're hairs gorgey.'

'It went wrong... The strand I dyed snapped off in front of Robbie, when I ran my fingers through my hair.' Dave laughed.

**1 minute later**

Pouting at Dave, because he won't stop laughing.

'Kittykat, you're such good value.'

**11:39 am**

Snogging Dave, because he wouldn't shut up.

**11:50 am**

Number 4.

Robbie interrupted us.

'So... Sara wants to go in a few shops? Then we'll grab some lunch, before going to band practice.'

**4 minutes later**

In Boots with Sara.

Mas, Robbie and Dave are around somewhere: but Sara and I are looking at the makeup.

'What eyeliner do you use...? You're eye makeup is tres tres marvy.' Sara was currently trying foundation on her hand.

'It's liquid eyeliner from Urban Decay: then coal black eye shadow. I'll do yours for the gig tonight, if you like.'

'That would be fab.'

**In the Queue**

Buying black eyeliner, eye shadow, new foundation and mascara.

**1:00 pm**

Having lunch in Subway.

Stolen Dave's Boots bag.

He's brought some moisturiser, hair gel and hair dye. I raised my eyebrows.

'Davey, you on the turn?'

'Oui, my petite Kittykat.' He winked: I blushed.

**1 minute later**

Having a good chit chat with Sara.


	6. Phwoar Kittykat

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

**6. Phwoar Kittykat**

**Room 203, Hotel Le Posh**

**2:00 pm**

Dave's in the bathroom doing something.

Robbie and Mas have gone back to the Dylans' flat.

Sara and I are in the hotel room gossing. We're painting each other's nails.

'Robbie says you're best friends dating his brother.'

'Hmmm... She's quite annoying at times.'

'Really, Robbie says she's really nice.'

'Yeah, she is... But she's into rambling and voles. It's not my thing. And it's all she ever talks about.'

**3 minutes later**

'You can always call me if you wanna talk. Look, I'll give you my digits.' I'm starting to really like Sara. She squibbled her digits down on a scrap piece of paper. 'Really, phone me if you have any problems.'

'I so wish, I'd have known you the other day... But I'm warning you, I am quite mad.'

'I know. Robbie's mentioned that.'

**1 minute later**

'Have you been with Dave long?'

'Officially non, but I've been snogging him for quite some time. We've always been good matey type mates.'

'Robbie said he's a loon. No offence.'

Dave does himself no favours. He walked out the bathroom a second later. His hair is electric blue.

'None taken... Dave, what in the name of pants have you done?'

'Arr... Kittykat doesn't like, the Hornmeister new hair-do?'

**3:01 pm**

Robbie's just picked Sara up.

Dave and I told Robbie, we wouldn't be coming to their band practice. We'd see them at the gig later.

Before she left, Sara did my makeup for me. It looks really groovy.

**1 minute later**

Snogging Dave.

Number 8.

I have my hand in his hair.

He promised, that the dye washes out; but surprisingly, I don't trust him when he says this.

**2 minute later**

Dave still has his hands on my nunga-nungas, but we're no longer snogging.

His new hair, matches his eyes really well. I've never noticed how gorgey his eyes are.

'Dave... Your eyes are double cool with knobs on.'

'Kittykat, you are such a minx.'

'You've got your hands on my nunga-nunga. You're the minx.'

'No... You are.'

'You are.'

'You are.'

'You are.'

**1 minute later**

Dave started tickle bears.

It was different this time.

Dave snogged me, whilst tickling me.

**2 minutes later**

Dave just removed my dress.

He's sitting over my hips.

I've gone completely jelliod.

'Kittykat... You okay with this?'

'Huh?' Dave got a little embarrassed, before getting off me.

**3 minutes later**

I'm such a div. Jools and RoRo were right.

He wanted to get to number 10 with me.

**1 minute later**

'Dave?'

'It's fine, Kittykat. Just forget it ever happened.'

I didn't know whether, I was ready for number 10.

But I love Dave.

**1 minute later**

I wasn't ready.

No... I was ready.

I've been in love with Dave, for a lot longer, than I'm willing to admit.

'What if, Kittykat doesn't want to forget...? What if, she wishes, she hadn't embarrassed Jack the Biscuit?'

Dave looked at me. He was still a little red.

I got up to grab his hand, before leading him back to the bed.

**1 minute later**

Oo-er. I could get used to him treating me like this.

**4:05 pm**

Oh my Big G! I've just reached number 10 with Dave the flipping laugh.

I feel amazing. I wasn't even nervous, because Dave is so very sweet.

I know he bloody enjoyed himself.

**1 minute later**

Davey is vair tired.

He'd gone to get rid of the boy balloon, but then, had just collapsed back into the bed.

He yawned.

'Phwoar Kittykat.'

I let him go to sleep.

**1 minute later**

Stolen Dave's mobile.

Phoning Jas.

'Hey mate.' Great Hunky picked up the phone. And he thinks I'm Dave. 'You and Gee having fun?'

'Hunky... This is Gee. I need to speak to Po.'

**1 minute later**

Jas came to the phone.

'Gee! How's London?'

'Erm... It's alright. I met Robbie's new girlfriend. She's really nice.'

'Hu- Tom said she's nice. What about you and Dave? Are you having fun?'

'Jas... That's why I'm phoning you.'

'Oh no. Gee, what have you done now?'

'Who says I've done anything? Maybe Dave's on the turn and ran off with Mas.' How rude of her to assume, I've done something.

'Well, has he?'

'No!' She's so vair divvy. 'My gorgey snogging partner is not on the turn... In fact, we've just reached number 10.'

Jas squealed. I heard her shouting to Tom.

'Hunky! Gee and Dave reached number 10!' Jas' Mum called back.

'Gee and Dave had sex! Did they use protection?' Great, I'm talking to Radio Jas.

'Gee, did you use protection?'

'Jas don't be dim. Of course we did.'

'Mum... They did!'

I hung up on her.

**4:20 pm**

Watching Davey sleep. He's very gorgey porgy.

**1 minute later**

Dave's phones ringing.

**5 minutes later**

9 miss calls on Dave's phone.

5 from Rollo.

1 from Ed.

2 from Dec.

1 form RoRo.

**5:35 pm**

'Kittykat stop staring at me whilst I'm sleeping. It's vair distracting.' I giggled.

'I like the sleepy Davey.'

Dave sat up. He grinned.

'I like Kittykat's sex hair.' I tried to flatten out my hair. He stopped me. 'Don't. Your gorgeous just the way you are Sex Kitten.'

**1 minute later**

Leaning against Dave's chest. We're still in nuddy pants.

'You make gorgey little squeaks, when you've got the horn.' I blushed; I wasn't aware I squeaked. 'You're so vair perfect, Kittykat. Don't get embarrassed.'

**1 minute later**

Dave makes me feel so fuzzy inside.

I'm staring at his chest. His torso is vair vair yummy.

'Davey... You have lots of miss calls on your phone.' He smirked, as I ran my fingers across his abs.

'How did Radio Jas find out?' I went quite.

'I may have used your phone to call her. Then Hunky found out, so he may have told the Barmy Army.'

**2 minute later**

Dave grabbed his phone.

He sat texting his mates.

I had a look to see if the love bite, I gave him, was still there. It was.

'That wasn't a vair nice thing to do Kittykat.' I grinned.

'I made sure no one could see it.' Dave rolled his eyes.

'Rollo will. He's very observant.'

'Dave, I honestly don't think, people will be looking at your ears. Not when you're hair is electric blue.'


	7. Get your mitts off my fries

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

**7. ****Kittykat, get your mitts off my fries**

**6:00 pm**

We got dressed for the concert.

**1 minute later**

Phwoaaar! Dave is a hottie, even with electric blue hair.

His skinny jeans make his bum look lust. And he's wearing a tight fitting tshirt, which you can see his abs through.

**2 minutes later**

He's just gelled his hair up.

I was dressed by now in jeggings, the Stiff Dylans tshirt and red heels.

'Phwoar Kittykat. That top makes your nunga-nungas look beyond fab.'

I ignored his comment.

**1 minute later**

Touching up my makeup.

Surprisingly my eyes were still perfect. Sara had done a good job.

I just had to tame my hair. The curls had started to fall out, meaning I clipped it up out the way. I had the odd curl which hung down. Dave said it looked really nice.

**2 minutes later**

Dave's just told me, that he has a pressie for me.

If it's a red nose, I really wouldn't be surprised.

Or a snog.

**1 minute later**

Gadzooks... A mobile phone.

Dave handed me the mobile.

'Now Kittykat can phone le Biscuit whenever she wants.'

It was a fab little phone. A little out of date, but that didn't matter too much.

Dave had set the wallpaper to a picture of him and me: and in the phonebook, he'd programmed in everyone's digits. I added Sara's to the list.

**1 minute later**

I just realised, that I couldn't afford to pay for the mobile.

'Dave, it's really sweet. But I'll never afford to keep it topped up.'

'Le Biscuit is going to top it up once a month.'

I just stared at him. I couldn't expect him to do that.

'Dave, that'll cost a fortune.'

'Yes, Kittykat. But Kittykat is worth it. She really makes Jack the Biscuit smile.'

**6:41 pm**

On the tube train, travelling to the music venue. The gig started at half seven, but we wanted to get settled in our seats beforehand.

I'm sat on Dave's lap, because the tube's vair busy. Dave is twiddling my hair.

**5 minutes later**

Snogging Dave.

Number 6.

**6:50 pm**

Arriving at the music venue.

Dave called it the Millennium Dome, or the O 2 Arena.

It's really coolio... A massive white tent fandango, with yellow poles poking out of it.

**7:00 pm**

Entering the venue.

**1 minute later**

Being searched, by a vair gorgey security guard.

Dave's glaring at me.

**5 minute later**

Walking to our seats.

'Kittykat, you have such a red bottom.'

'I... I wasn't. I mean... he wasn't cute.'

Pouting at Dave. 'You're my one and only.'

Dave grinned.

'Joking Kittykat. I know you're all mine.'

**1 minute later**

Oh my Lord Sandra... We're vair close to the stage. We're like two rows from the front.

**3 minutes later**

Dave's gone to get snacks.

He's such a piggy.

**1 minute later**

Dave's back.

He has curly fries... They're very yummy.

'Kittykat, get your mitts off my fries. You're such a pig.' Cheeky cat.

'No, you're a pig.' Dave winked at me, so I shut up.

**7:30 pm**

The Dylans have just come on stage.

Screaming at the top of my lungs. Getting lots of odd looks.

**2 minutes later**

Dave and I are dancing.

It's vair tricky: the seats in front of us are vair close.

**1 minute later**

'Davey, you're a very marvy dancer.'

'Why thank you, Mrs. Laugh isn't bad either.'

**5 minutes later**

Dave just hit some bloke around the back of the head.

I laughed like a loon.

'Sorry mate.' The bloke doesn't look impressed.

**1 minutes later**

We both sat down. I'm still laughing.

'Kittykat, it wasn't funny.'

**10:30 pm**

End of the gig. We went back stage.

The Dylans are all hyped up. They're speaking to Avril Lavigne: she's tiny.

**2 minutes later**

Gadzooks! I've lost my voice.

Robbie introduced us to Avril Lavigne. I just croaked.

**1 minute later**

Dave's laughing like a loon.

Thursday, October 27

**8:21 am**

Woke up in Dave's lap.

He's very gorgey and divvy in the morning.

He literally rolled out of bed. Smacked his head on the bedside cabinet; then had the cheek to blame me.

**12:00 pm **

Vati picked us up from the station.

We dropped Dave home.

He kissed me goodbye... Number 3-ish.

'S'later Kittykat.'

**My Bedroom, 12:10 pm**

Keep falling to sleep.

**1 minute later**

Mobile's ringing.

Jas...

'What do you want Jas?' My voice is still croaky.

'Gee... What's wrong with you voice?'

'I was screaming at the gig last night.'

'Oh, Where are you?'

'At home.'

'I know that... We have an Ace Gang meeting. You're supposed to be here.'

'What? Why didn't I know about this?'

'Erm... Maybe I was supposed to tell you, but I forgot.' Typico Jazzy.

**1 minute later**

Hung up on Jas.

**1 minute later**

I miss Dave.

**1:00 pm**

Texting Dave.

_Miss You Davey. Love You._

**1 minute later**

_Kittykat. I've told you before. I don't do phone sex. I much prefer the physical number 10. ; )_

Replying to Dave's response.

_Cheeky sod._

**3 minutes later**

Dave didn't text back.

**3:20 pm**

Mobile ringing.

How did all these people get my new number?

It's RoRo.

**1 minute later**

'Jazzy said you and Davey reached number 10.'

'Yeah... Before the Dylans gig.'

'And...'

'RoRo. Have you just phoned to goss about me and Dave, or do you actually have something intelligent to say?'

There was a pause. I'm getting vair annoyed with the Ace Gang. All they ever want to talk about is me and Dave. I wonder if the Barmy Army are like this with Dave.

'Gee, are you still there?'

**1 minute later**

Phwoar... Dave playing football in nuddy pants. He'd be all hot and sweaty. Oo-er.

No, naughty Dave in nuddy pants get out of my head.

**3:25 pm**

Practicing my lip exercises in the mirror. I've decided not to hang up on RoRo. I've just left her on speaker: with my mobile on my bed. That'll teach her.

Wow... I look really unattractive, when I'm puckering up.

Why has no one ever told me this? I look like a goldfish, that's had sherbet tipped into its bowl.

**6 minutes later**

'Georgia... Can you run to the shop please?'

My Mutti is tres tres hilarious. Moi run all the way to the shop. I'll look like a red faced loon: on top of the whole freaked out goldfish thing, I have going on.

**1 minute later**

Mutti barged into my room.

'Georgia, can you please pop to the shop?'

'Arr... I love to Mutti, as unfortunately. I have the only pair of working legs in the house.'

She clipped me around the back of the head.

'Don't be so cheeky.'

**On my way to Jennings**

Really hope Hunky and the delightful Po aren't there. In case you're a fool, that was sarcasm. I could really do with not bumping into Jazzy Spazzy.

Why do we even need apples? I don't eat them: and last time Libby ate one, it popped out both her front teeth. Suppose, I'll get a lecture on them if Jazzy's there.

'Gee... Did you know apples are vair good for the skin? And sometimes swarms of bees make them into their hives... Blah, blah, blah.'

As you can tell, I shall not be listening to her.


	8. Boys like scopperloit

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

**8. ****boys like scopperloit...**

**10 minutes later**

Mmmm... I can see my gorgey Dave the Tart. Bugger... Just realised, I'm wearing joggerbums and some old hoody. Dave can't see me like this.

Hmmm... He's talking to Hun- I mean Tom. Wonder what they're talking about?

**3:45 pm**

I'm a genius, if I do say so myself.

Hiding behind a newspaper, slowly edging closer to Dave and Tom.

**1 minute later**

I can hear them now.

'Mate, listen to yourself. That's like telling RoRo, that she's not really a Viking.'

'And you think, I don't know that... If I tell Jas, that I don't what to wait: then she'll get upset and start ignoring me. I've tried to bring it up before; but she just started talking about Elks.'

'Look, listen to Jack the Biscuit... Just tell Jazzy, that you love her and wanna dance the ole' Full Monty with her. That's what I told Kittykat.'

'Yeah, but Jas isn't Gee. And I'm not you.'

Ekk... They're talking about Hunky and Po doing number 10.

**1 minute later**

I'm going to need a bucket load of therapy, after listening to Tom and Dave.

'Maybe it's for the best... I'm not even sure, if I'm going to be around for much longer. Mum's talking about moving back to London, so she can see more of Robbie.' What? Hunky may be moving.

'Have you told Jas yet?'

'No... I can't. You saw what state Gee was in, when Robbie first moved away. They hadn't even been dating that long. It'll break Jas' heart.'

**3:55 pm**

Ekk... They've seen me.

Dave walked over to me

'What's your problem...? Do you think it's tres amusant to eavesdrop?' He sounded vair annoyed. He pushed the newspaper away from my face, but when he saw it was me, his inner goldfish came out. 'Kittykat...' Tom froze, before starting to dither.

'H... How- How... m-much of the-that... I mean, did you hear... what we said?' I blushed.

'Erm... yep.' I popped the 'p'.

'Please don't tell Jas... She has to hear it from me.'

**4:00 pm, Inside Jennings**

Tom sold me some apples, whilst Dave calmed him down.

'Kittykat's not going to tell Jazzy. As you said, she's not Jas.'

'Hey...' I slowly backed out of the shop, as Tom and Dave started to argue.

'I never mentioned anything about Gee using you, so don't pick on Jas.'

'I wasn't, she's just a little loose lipped.'

'Well. At least she's not a slag... You've only been dating Gee for a few days. And you've already had her in bed.'

'But she's brave enough to show me how she feels... Look. If you're just going to call my Kittykat names, then I don't wanna talk to you.'

**1 minute later**

Dave came out the shop, with a smug grin on his face.

'Would you like me to walk you home?' I nodded, meaning he took my hand. That smug grin was definitely fake, because it disappeared as soon as I asked him, if he wanted to talk about it.

'So, have you and Tom argued before?'

'Only once: when he said, that I was too good for you.' I smirked.

'Nice to know ole' Tom has my back.'

'Gee, it's not funny.' Oh no... Dave the Un-laughs here.

'No, it's not. But he'll come around: he's stressed out about Jas.'

'Hmmm... Do you think I'm a slag?' I laughed.

'Dave, he meant me.' Yay... Dave's smiling again.

'But Kittykat, you're not a slag. Slag's don't have big conks.' Cheek sod.

**4:10 pm**

Running after Dave.

Gadzooks... Dave runs fast.

**1 minute later**

He's stopped to wait for me next to the phone box. I was completely out of puff, meaning he laughed at me. I clutched my knees, else I'd have fallen fall on my bum-oley.

'Kittykat... Are you alright?' I nodded, whilst panting.

'Give me a second.'

**2 minutes later**

Snogging Dave.

Number 6.

**5 minutes later**

Jools and Rollo appeared out of nowhere.

'Trying to reach number 10 again Davey boy, or this number 11.'

Number 11? What is Rollo on?

'Number 11?' Wow... Jools has a touch of Mystic Meg about her.

'Duh... The Full Monty (Outdoors)' Jools and Me have gone goldfish. That's disgusting: you can't number 10 outdoors. And Rollo isn't allowed to add to the snogging scale.

'Rollo, that's disgusting. Only hookers do the Full Monty outdoors.'

'Well, that's what Dave's thinking about.'

**1 minute later**

Wow... Talk about 'How's your father'.

Dave looks vair embarrassed. He dragged Rollo off up the street, leaving Jools and I.

Jools is giggling.

**1 minute later**

Sitting on the kerb chatting to Jools.

'So, what was it like? Rollo's been talking about it, since we heard from Jas, that you and Dave have... I was asking RoRo, but she just said 'Arr... Well, you see young Julia, boys like scopperloit.' What is a scopperloit?'

'I haven't the foggiest.' RoRo could be such a loon, at times: I doubt that, she even knew what the word meant.

'Did it hurt?'

'No, not really... But I doubt all boys are as gently.' Jools looked really worried about this. I just hoped Rollo didn't force her into it. 'Has Rollo told you, that he loves you?' Jools shook her head.

'No. I really want to tell him, that I love him, but I always turn into Ellen.'

**4:30 pm**

Dave and Rollo are back. We're sitting between their legs.

'So, girlies, did you talk about Jack the Biscuit whilst he was away?' I smirked.

'No Davey, we didn't.' Dave started to snog my neck.

'Don't deny it Kittykat... le Biscuit is irresistible.' I sighed.

**2 minutes later**

Jools burst into tears.

**1 minute later**

Chasing Jools down the street.

'Dave next time we aufs ganze gehen, we're not telling anyone.'

'Oo-er Kittykat, there's going to be a next time.' Cheek cat.

**4:40 pm**

Jools ran into her house and slammed the door in Rollo's face.

'What did I do?'

'Don't know mate.'

**2 minutes later**

Jools let me in. I followed her, as she wondered up to her bedroom. She climbed into bed and curled up under the duvet.

'Gee... What am I going to do?'

'Jools, I'm sure he'll wait if you're not ready.'

'What if he can't wait?'

'Jools don't be such a div.'

**4:45 pm**

Jools phone keeps ringing. It's Rollo, but she won't answering.

**1 minute later**

Yay... Text from Dave. Yes, I know he's only standing outside.

_If Jools doesn't answer her phone, Rollo's going to kick the front door down. _

**2 minutes later**

I've rang Rollo on my phone and put it on speaker, so Jools can hear him.

'Julia... I'm sorry.' I've never ever heard Rollo call Jools by her full name. 'Baby, please speak. I don't even know what I've done wrong.'

**1 minute later**

Jools came out from under the cover.

'You keep talking about number 10: and I'm not ready for it. You haven't even said you love me. And I haven't even got the guts, to tell you, that I love you.'

**1 minute later**

Silence.

Jools wiped her eyes.

'Gee, can you stay with me tonight?'

'Sure Jools.'

**5:00 pm**

We let Rollo and Dave in.

Rollo and Jools are snogging on the sofa.

'Mission accomplished Double 'O' Sex Kitten. Where do the pants take us next?'

'Wherever Jack le Biscuit would like.' Dave chuckled.

**1 minute later**

Snogging Dave.

**5:15 pm**

'Georgia... Rollo's going to stay over tonight. Would you like Dave to stay too?'

**6:20 pm**

Our sleepover has turned into movie night with the boys.

Rollo's picked some scary movie and Dave's making popcorn.

**2 minutes later**

The popcorn has exploded all over Jools' kitchen.

We all laughed like loons.

Friday, October 28

**11:00 am**

Bugger... The painter have come early this month.

Dave and I fell to sleep on the sofa, whilst watching the movie last night.

Dave's wearing the popcorn bowl on his head.

**1 minute later**

Wiggled out of Dave's arms. Poking Jools in the face, because she's snuggled up with Rollo.

**1 minute later**

Jools fell off the sofa.

'What?'

'Don't have a nervy b. Jools?' Jools got up off her bum-oley.

'What do you want Gee?'

'The painters are in. I need your services.' Rollo opened his eyes.

'What are you two talking about, so early in the morning?' Jools threw him an attractive smile.

'Girls stuff... Go back to sleep.'

**11:15 am**

Back snuggling with Dave.

My tummy is in aggers.

**1 minute later**

Dave tried to snog me.

'I don't always want to be, constantly glued to your whelk boy-ish lips!'

**1 minute later**

Silence. Why did I say that? I didn't mean to shout at him.

He looks really hurt.

**11:30 am**

I had a full blown argument with Dave the Un-laugh.

'Well, I'm sorry...! You didn't mention that, when we were at number 10!'

'Because you forced yourself on me: then got all upset! I felt sorry for you!'

What am I saying...? Georgia Nicolson, you stop this right now.

'Really? You said you loved me! I thought it was want you wanted!'

'Well, you were wrong?'

'Fine Georgia... But next time you take my virginity tell me that beforehand!'

**1 minute later**

I'm a humongous prat, on prat tables.

Dave left the room. Jools sent Rollo after him. I fell to the floor and started to blubber.

Why couldn't I keep my stupid mouth shut? Stupid painters, making me say things I didn't mean.

**12:00 pm, My bedroom**

Jools took me home. She called the rest of the Ace Gang.

We're sitting on my bed. Jas and Mabs have their arms around me.

'He'll calm down Gee... Then he'll forgive you, he always does.'

'Jas, I called him a whelk. And that I didn't really want to go to number 10 with him.'

'Arr... But the Biscuit and Kittykat are meant to be.' RoRo was wearing her stupid beard.

**1 minute later**

The Ace Gang aren't making me feel better.

Jazzy gave me her midget jems. I ate the whole packet, but still felt mis.

I want my gorgey Dave.

**1:10 pm**

Ace Gang have gone home to get ready for RoRo's do.

I'm not going.

**10 minutes later**

Libby's came into my bedroom (aka. The endless pit of despair and disarray).

'GINGEY! WHY CRYING?' Libby has crayons stuffed in her ears. But then again, she always shouts, so the crayons don't really make a difference.

'I had an argument with Dave.'

'WHAT?' I don't even know why I'm telling my loony little sister about my hormonal rage.

'Dave and I had a fight.'

**1 minute later**

Libby's hugging me.

'BAD BOY! DON'T CRY! I DON'T LIKE IT WHEN GINGEY CRIES!'

Awww... Sisterly love.

**2 minutes later**

The sisterly love didn't last long. Libby hit me over the head with Lord Sandra.

'BAD BOY! LET LIBBY GO!'

**1:32 pm**

Watching Angus falling into Mr. and Mrs. Next Door's fountain.

He's knocked it over: smashing the little ceramic birds which are always perched on it.

**1 minute later**

He's now riding the Prat Poodles around the garden.

Mrs. Next Door is having a nervy b.

**1 minute later**

The elder loons have taken Libby to visit grandpa, and his knitted girlfriend.

_**A.N. I'm aiming for around 20 chapters on this specific fanfic. My update speed varies due to other priorities; but generally if there are still people reviewing, I will try and update quickly. I hope you all enjoy this next chapter. Love RoxanneCullen... 3**_


	9. He scared the Ribena out of me

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

**9. He scared the Ribena out of me **

**6:50 pm**

Just got out the shower. My hairs wrapped up in a towel and I'm wearing a face mask.

**5 minutes later**

Dried off, in my teletubby jimjams and tucked up in bed.

**2 minute later**

Some tosser is throwing stones at my window.

**1 minute later**

Gadzooks... it's Dave. I opened the window.

'Dave, what do you think you're doing?'

'Apologising...!'

'By throwing stones at my window!'

'No...! I'm sorry, I shouted at you earlier! Jas told me, why you were being stroppy!'

Great Radio Jas has been telling everyone, that I have the painters in.

'Kittykat, I'm really sorry. I lobe you really.'

**1 minute later**

I let Dave in. He's magically produced flowers and chocolate.

He really does make me smile.

'So, Kittykat do I get a hug now?'

**1 minute later**

Hugging Dave.

**1 minute later**

Snogging Dave.

Number 5.

I must be feeling better.

**7:05 pm**

Woopies... Dave's covered in my face mask.

**1 minute later**

The phones ringing.

'Hello, the Swiss Family Mad residents. The gorgey, Se- Georgia speaking.'

'Georgia, you have to stop answering the phone like that... What happens, if it's someone important?'

It's Vati.

'Then I shall do my bestest curtsy and a quick salute.'

'Don't be so bloody cheeky...! I've phoned to tell you, that we're staying at your grandfather's tonight. And tomorrow we're taking Libs to the zoo.'

'That's nice... Can Dave stay over?'

'Less of that tone. And no... No boys.'

'Why not?'

'Because you're not old enough. Boys are very unpredictable and mistakes happen.'

Oh no... Vati's giving me the talk on why number 10 equals getting preggers and ultimately death to all.

**5 minutes later**

'Vati don't be a div... I'm on my period. I can't get preggers.'

**1 minute later**

Laughing like a loon.

Vati got all flustered and dithered.

'Well... Erm... The... I mean the answer is still no.'

**7:10 pm**

Mutti to the rescue.

She said Dave may stay the night.

**5 minute later**

Watching Dave wrestle with Angus. I had warned him about opening the fridge... Dave you fool, not Angus. Why would Angus open the fridge?

**1 minute later**

I've prised Angus off of Dave, before literally throwing him out the window.

**1 minute later**

'Does it make me look tough?'

Angus scratched Dave's face. It's bleeding.

'No Davey... You just had a fight with Angus: and lost... But my brave Biscuit may have a snog to make him feel better.'

**1 minute later**

Snogging Dave.

Number 8.

**7:24 pm**

Dave's gone home to get his jimjams.

**1 minute later**

Washing off my face mask.

Oo-er... My stomachs rumbling.

**1 minute later**

Texting Dave.

_Davey bring food back. Kittykat's hungry_.

Dave soon text back.

_What would Kittykat like to eat?_

I text back.

_Kittykat wants Chinese takeout._

**2 minutes later**

Ekk... Gordy was in the bathroom cabinet, tucked up next to the toothpaste.

He scared the Ribena out of me.

**2 minute later**

Gadzooks... Libby's been at Mutti's Veet again.

Poor Gordy has a bald streak running from the top of his head, to the tip of his tail.

He looks loonier than normal.

**7:49 pm**

Yay... Davey's back.

**1 minute later**

Gordy fell down the stairs.

Dave's laughing like a loon.

'Oh Kittykat... Your family's such a laugh.'

He picked Gordy up to inspect Libby's handy work.

'Libs got hold of Mutti's Veet.'

'He's a super punk-kat.' I smirked: Gordy the Super Punk-Kat.

**In the Kitchen, 7:55 pm**

Eating Chinese with chopsticks.

**1 minute later**

Starting to realise that Dave and I can't use chopsticks.

**1 minute later**

Thrown the chopsticks in the bin. We'd both given up with them; but on the bright side, we can actually get the Chinese food in our mouths now.

It's really vair yummy.

**8:12 pm**

Snuggled up with Dave on the sofa.

**1 minute later**

Playing footsie.

Wow... Dave's feet are massive.

'Dave, you have vair big feet.'

'And you, my beautiful Kittykat, have vair smooth skin.'

I flushed bright red.

**2 minutes later**

Mobile's ringing.

Dave's not letting me answer it.

'No, want Kittykat to myself.' Awww... that's so sweet.

'Dave, that's vair sweet, but let me answer it. You can have a snog after.'

**8:33 pm**

Dave let go of me. I fell off the sofa: landing on my bum-oley.

'Woopies... Sorry Kittykat.'

I sighed.

**1 minute later**

On the phone to Jas.

'Gee... It's me.'

'I'm sorry, I don't know a me.'

'Gee... It's Jas.'

'I know. What do you want?'

'The Ace Gang are going shopping tomorrow.'

'Coolio. What time?'

'Twelve o'clock, by the clock tower.'

'Marvy. See you there.'

**8:42 pm**

Snogging Dave. Number 8.

Dave has his hand on my nunga-nungas.

I've gone completely jelliod.

**10 minutes late**

'So, what did Radio Jas want?'

'Nrrrghh...' Dave smirked.

'Arr... The Biscuit has made Sex Kitten jelliod.'

**9:03 pm**

Lying against Dave's chest.

Dave's stroking my scalp. Vair slee... zzzzzz

Saturday, October 29

**6:00 am**

Dave had to leave early. He has a footie match today.

He snogged me, so I woke up.

'Away on a laughing camel, Kittykat. I'll catch you later.'

**1 minute later**

Snogging Dave again. Number 5.

**5 minute later**

'Go back to boboland, Sex Kitten.'

'Love you Dave... Good luck at the footie.'

Dave's smiley face was the last thing I saw, before dropping off to sleep again.

**11:00 am**

Bugger... I only have an hour, before I've got to meet the Ace Gang.

**1 minute later**

I'm going to kill Jack the Biscuit.

He's given me a love bite, on my neck. I'm going to have to use a tonne of concealer.

**2 minutes later**

What to wear? Skinny jeans or mini skirt...

**10 minute later**

Mini skirt.

Skinny jeans... or are they too casual.

My mini skirt is very Sex Kitty.

No... Skinny jeans, with my chunky wool jumper and boots.

**11:32 am**

Makeup is natural... Bit of lippy, mascara, foundation and some bronze eye shadow.

Hair is pinned up in piggies and quiff.

**11:55 am**

Running to meet the Ace Gang.


	10. Jazzy the Obvious

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

**10. Jazzy the Obvious**

**12:10 pm**

'Gee... You're late.' Thank you, Jazzy the Obvious.

'Sorry. I slept in.' Rosie raised an eyebrow.

'Or Kittykat couldn't say TTFN to Mr. Laugh.'

'Actually, Mr. Laugh left at six o'clock this morning... He has a footie match today.'

**6 minutes later**

In Boots trying on lippy. I want some neutral lippy, so Hawkeye doesn't catch me wearing it at Stalag 14 on Wednesday.

Jools and Mabs were painting her nails with the tester pots.

**1 minute later**

RoRo looks ridiculous in black lippy. She and Sven are going trick or treating Monday night, she's going to be a witch. That's vair normalosity for RoRo. Sven's going as a mad Viking, so no change there.

**2 minutes later**

Maybe I should ask Dave to come trick or treating with me.

_Davey... Can we go trick or treating on Monday?_

I wasn't sure went Dave's footie game ended, so I wasn't expecting a reply straight away.

**(Vair Late) Lunch in Luigi's, 3:00 pm**

Drinking cappuccinos and eating cupcakes topped in whip cream.

**1 minute later**

Laughing like loons.

We all have milky moustaches and Jazzy's got whip cream on her nose.

'So, Jools... Did you and Rollo make up?' Jools smiled.

'We're marvy: he said he'd wait for me.'

A group 'awww' from the rest of the Ace Gang, made Jools go bright red.

'Tom and I are waiting until our wedding night. It's so tres romantic.'

**1 minute later**

Choking on my cappuccino.

'Gee... Are you alright?'

**1 minute later**

The Viking bride-to-be just wacked me around the back.

It didn't help.

'I'm fine; it just went down the whole oley.'

**3 minutes later**

I can't believe, that I can't tell Jas about Tom.

She's dithering on and on about her perfect little relationship. It wasn't perfect. It would all end in tears.

**1 minute later**

'Jas... Has Tom actually said that he wants to wait?' Jas looked at me.

'Yeah... He said it was fine.'

'Well, yeah... But have you actually asked him, what he wants.'

'Yes... He wants me to be happy.'

'Don't you want him to be happy?'

'He is happy?' Her tone turned her statement into a question.

**1 minute later**

RoRo decided to start with the integration.

**14 minutes later**

Saved by the Barmy Army.

Dave crept up on me. I screamed.

'Chill Kittykat... It's just me.'

**1 minute later**

Sitting on Dave's lap.

**1 minute later**

Cheeky Cat. He just took a bite out of my cupcake.

'Dave that's mine.'

'What has Kittykat been buying?'

**1 minute later**

Dave's nosing in my shopping bag. There's nothing interesting in there: some new makeup, wax strips, a new pair of jeans and a cute dress which Jas persuaded me to buy.

**3:32 pm**

RoRo and Sven have gone shopping for fake fur.

Ed and Rollo have taken Mabs and Jools to the movies.

Ellen was dithering to Dec.

And the Voley couple are silent, which filled me with confusiosity. They should be talking about fox poo and newts. Not giving each other the cold shoulder.

**2 minutes later**

Staring at Hunky and Po.

**1 minute later**

'Sex Kitten?'

**1 minute later**

Snogging Dave. Number 6.

I may have caught him slightly off guard. Woopies...

**5 minutes later**

Dave does want to go trick or treating; but I had to promise to let him pick the costume. This should be interesting.

**6 minute later, The Fancy Dress Shop**

Why do they even call it fancy dress? There is nothing fancy, about being the head end, of a naff horse costume.

'Dave do I have to be the head end?'

'Kittykat, as I've shown you. The Biscuit is too big to fit in that end.'

'Yeah, but how we supposed to collect candy dressed as a horse.'

'We shall tie a bucket around your neck.' Fabulous. I wasn't going to get out of this one.

**2 minutes later**

Dave brought the horse costume, but refused to take his half off.

'Kittykat, I need to wear it in.' He's seriously worse than Libs.

'Dave, you are worse than Libby.'

'Am not... I don't give Kitty Cat haircuts.'

**1 minute later**

'So, what's up with the Voley couple? They were very Un-Voley-ish.'

'Erm... We were talking about Jools and Rollo. Rollo's said he'd wait until Jools is ready...' Dave interrupted me.

'Strange boy. He doesn't know what he's missing.'

'Dave, do you mind?'

'No not at all, Kittykat. Please continue.'

'Well. It's really cute... Anyhow, Jas started blabbering on, about how perfect she and Hunky are. I started choking on my drink. Then RoRo hit me around the back and I asked Jas, if she'd asked Tom, what he wanted. I think it really phased her.'

**1 minute later**

Dave looks really gorgey, when he's deep in thought.

**6:49 pm, My Bedroom**

Dave thinks Hunky and Po will sort it out.

But I'm expecting a tearful call from Jas.

**7:00 pm**

What kind of makeup does a horse wear?

**1 minute later**

Mutti's just wondered into my room.

'Georgia Darling...' Marvy. She wants something.

'Yes, dearest Mutti of mine.' She raised her eyebrows.

'Can I borrow your jeans? Mine are in the wash.'

She means her jeans are in Mount To-Be-Washed. Why can't she be a normal Mutti and actually do the washing? Like Jas' Mutti: Jas' Mutti does the washing and cleaning all the time.

**2 minute later**

Let Mutti have an old pair of jeans.

Don't know how she expects to fit in them.

**9:00 pm**

Tucked up in bed.

**1 minute later**

Libby's just came into my room.

'BAD BOY! MOVE OVER! MY FRWENDS NEED ROOM!'

Fab. She's brought all her frwends with her.

**9:30 pm**

Have Libs cold botty pressed against my thigh and I'm laying on her mouldy Potato frwend.

Sunday, October 30

**11:00 am**

My mobile's ringing.

'GINGEY! TURN ALARM OFF!'

**1 minute later**

It's Jas... Oh no.

'Hey Jas.'

'Gee...' She sounds happy.

'Jas, are you okay?'

'Yeah... I'm fab. Why wouldn't I be?'

'Oh, didn't you hear about the webbed footed newt... It may...'

Jas interrupted me.

'Gee... I didn't phone you to talk about newts.'

Okay, now I know something's wrong.

'What did you phone me for then?'

'Hunky and I got to number 10 last night. You were right, he didn't want to wait.'

**1 minute later**

Wow... That was unexpected.

'... And he was so gently. Did you bleed after you and Dave did it? My Mum said it's common the first time, but I'm a little scared...'

Jas went on and on.

'Jas!'

'Yeah...'

'Stop having a nervy b.'

'I'm not. I'm just so happy.'

'Hmmm... I can hear that. So, what did Hunky say?'

'Ooo. It was so sweet. He said he loves me; that he didn't want to wait. He said that he knew I wanted to wait, but he couldn't. Then we snogged and...'

You know, I'm kind of happy for her.

**1 minute later**

'So, what were you saying about the webbed footed newt?' Arr... Jas the Wise Woman of the Woods is back.

**1 minute later**

Hung up on Jas.

**5:00 pm**

Babysitting Libby.

The elder loons have gone to one of Uncle Eddie's shows. Tres tres gross.

**6:45 pm**

Text from Dave.

_Miss you Kittykat xxx. _That's really cute.

_Didn't think you do phone sex? : P_

**7:00 pm**

Took a while for Dave to text back.

_I'll make an exception for you._

_Well in that case... I love you xxx._

_Lobe you too, Kittykat._

_**A.N. Dave's family will be starting to come into the picture over the next couple of chapters. I've decided to give everyone a quick preview of Dave's unusual family.**_

_**Rebecca and Amelia (Dave's older twin sisters- They're 20 years old)  
>- Rebecca is a doctoral student at Cambridge University. She got the brains in the family. She's married to Charles, who is rather posh and Dave likes to take the mick out of him. This annoys Rebecca.<br>- Amelia lives in London and is on the West End in the Sound of Music (She's Maria). Dave likes to annoy her with his tres amusant 'Sound of Pants' edition. She got the musical and acting talent in the family.  
>- His sisters both tease and pester him whenever they're around. They know how to push his buttons. Oh and they wouldn't be Dave's sisters without the family comedy gene.<strong>_

_**Jane (Dave's Mutti)  
>- Jane is a doctor. She's very embarrassing around Dave and treats him like a baby, because he's her little boy.<strong>_

_**Richard (Dave's Vati)  
>- He's the reason for the family comedy gene. He and Dave have an understanding. If Dave doesn't make fun of him; then he won't make fun of Dave. Dave and he are vair good friends.<strong>_

_**So, that's Dave's family. Please review and tell me what you think.**_


	11. HOLD YOUR PANTS!

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

**11.** **HOLD YOUR PANTS!**

Monday, October 31

**3:00 am**

The elder loons have been on the vino tinto.

Mutti is giggling, which is tres tres gross.

**1 minute later**

I think they've fallen to sleep.

**9:00 am**

Vati's rummaging through the bathroom cabinet.

'Looking for something, Vati.'

'Georgia, have you seen the aspirin?'

'And this is why, the vino tinto is bad.'

**1 minute later**

Vati threw a bar of soap at me. Charming...

'Don't be so bloody cheeky!'

**9:15 am, My Bedroom**

Naomi's flirting with Angus again.

She's such a minx. She's sitting on the garden wall, with her botty in the air.

**1 minute later**

Ewww... Now Angus is licking her. Kitty porn.

**1 minute later**

I think I'll go surprise the Hornmeister.

**4 minute later**

Bugger... Burnt myself on my curling iron. On the brightside, my hair is full of bounciosity.

**1 minute later**

Hmmm... What to wear?

The vair cute floral dress I brought yesterday, with a grey cardi and sandals...

Or high waist shorts, with a floral blouse and doll shoes.

**9:35 am**

Gone with the floral dress.

**1 minute later**

Girly makeup... pale pink lippy, bit of foundation, pink blush, brown mascara and a bit of bronze eye shadow.

Hair... left down in gentle curls.

**10:00 am**

'Mutti! I'm going to Dave's house! I'll be back - a lot - later!'

**2 minutes later**

Left the house before Mutti could answer.

**Dave's House, 10:15 am**

Dave's house is the other side of the park. It's not a long walk.

Good job too, because I've got my half of our naff horse costume.

**1 minute later**

Having a nervy b. about ringing Dave's doorbell.

What do I say if his Mutti or Vati answer the door?

**1 minute later**

Rang the doorbell... What did I do that for?

**3 minutes later**

A vair pretty woman answered the front door. She had long dark brown hair, which was twisted up into a messy bun, and a nice fringe. She had Dave's perfect blue eyes; although, she wore glasses.

I gulped.

'Is Dave in?' She smiled.

'I'll get him for you.'

**1 minute later**

I stepped into the house: the pretty woman had walked over to the stairs.

'DAVID! GET YOUR LAZY ARSE OUT OF BED!' Dave shouted back.

'WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU WOMEN ABOUT CALLING ME DAVID?'

'THERE'S A VERY PRETTY GIRL HERE TO SEE YOU... BUT IF YOU'RE STILL SLEEPING B AND I CAN SEE TO HER!'

'NO! HOLD YOUR PANTS! I'LL BE DOWN IN A MINUTE!' The woman just laughed.

'He'll be right with you... Sorry, I didn't catch your name.'

'I'm Georgia.'

'Oh... I'm Millie. Dave's favourite big sister.'

Wow... I didn't even know that Dave had a sister.

**4 minutes later**

'Gee...' Dave sounded surprised, as he wondered down the stairs.

'Hey Dave...'

'What you doing here?'

'You said you missed me.' Millie smirked.

'Awww... Sweetie Pie. That like so totally cute.' She then ruffled Dave hair, before running off.

**1 minute later**

Dave is so vair gorgey, when he gets embarrassed.

His cheeks go a really groovy red colour... Unlike moi. I just turn into a giant red loon.

**10:32 am**

Dave dragged me up the stairs; but we were stopped, by another vair pretty woman.

She looked spookily identical to Millie. I wasn't even sure, that it wasn't Millie.

'And where do you think you're going?'

**1 minute later**

No... It can't be Millie. Millie was in jeans and a tshirt; this woman's wearing jimjams.

'To my room.' The woman just giggled.

'Not before introducing us to your little frwend.'

'Rebecca... Gee. Gee... Rebecca, my second very annoying big sis. She's Millie's twin.'

**1 minute later**

Rebecca is Millie's twin. That explains why they look alike.

'B! It's his Kittykat! You know like the girl in his diary?'

Millie had appeared behind us.

'I thought so... Davey Sweetie, you never mentioned...'

'That she was like this pretty. How did you end up with...'

'Such a gorgeous girlfriend? We very...'

'Disappoint.'

Wow... That was freaky-deaky.

Millie and Rebecca took turns finishing each other's sentences.

**1 minute later**

'Do you always finish each other's sentences?'

'Hmmm... Annoying, isn't it Kittykat?' No... But just this once, I'd agree with my Davey.

I nodded.

**11:12 am, Dave's Living Room**

'And there was that time...'

'When we waxed his legs.'

'Yeah. Get this Gee: he was like 12...

'And he screamed so loud, that our neighbours called the NSPCC.'

**1 minute later**

Laughing like a loons, on loon tablets.

Poor Dave looked so embarrassed.

**5 minutes later**

B cupped her hands over her basoomas.

'Millie! We haven't told her about the nunga-nungas.' An evil grin appeared on Millie's face.

'Gee... This story is like totally hilarious...'

'Yeah. It was when Dave was 7...'

'He stole one of Mom's boulder holders...'

'Dad found him wearing it... He'd stuffed it with his soft toys...'

'Dad was like so shocked. Then Dave noticed him and got all like embarrassed...'

'Ooo... and Dad asked him what he was doing...'

'And Dave said "When will I get a set of nunga-nungas?".'

**3 minutes later**

Millie and Rebecca are laughing like loons.

I had laughed, but then Dave spoke.

'Enough taking the mick out of the Biscuit.'

He dragged me to my feet.

**2 minute later, Dave's Bedroom**

Sitting on Dave's bed.

'It wasn't that bad, Davey... Imagine how embarrassed Kittykat was, when Jack the Biscuit wouldn't stop staring at her Mutti basoomas.' Dave smirked.

'Jack the Biscuit's sister's are his babysitters for the day, whilst Mutti's at work.' I raised my eyebrows.

'Why do you need a babysitter?'

'Erm... Because I... I set the microwave a light last time.'

'Oh.'

**11:33 am **

Dave's telling me about his sisters.

'Rebecca's the brains in the family. She's at Cambridge studying Medicine. She's going to be a doctor like Mutti. Erm... She's married to Charles Goodwin, who's a poncey prat. At least, I like to tell him he is. It annoys the knickers off of Rebecca. Then Millie's on the West End in The Sound of Pants. She doesn't like me taking the mick; but I do, just too get a reaction. She lives in London and is dating some male model... But as you've seen they like to tease and embarrass the Biscuit.'

**1 minute later**

Snogging Dave. Number 8.

**5 minute later**

'Ewww... Little bro porn.'

Millie and Rebecca were sitting on Dave's dressing table. They'd spoken in prefect sync.

**1 minute later**

I'm in the middle of a sibling row.

'It's rude not to knock.'

'It's rude to touch...'

'A girl's nunga-nungas.'

'Stop doing that.'

'Doing...'

'What?'

'That... Stop it, it's so annoying.'

'Sweetie Pie, we haven't...'

'Got like a clue want you're talking...'

'About.'

'Get out of my room!'

'We can't...'

'We're babysitting.'

'But I'm not a baby. I am the Vati.'

Millie and Rebecca started to laugh.

**5 minutes later**

'Can't the Vati snog in peace?'

'The Vati can...'

'But our baby bro...

'That's a very big no-no.'

**1 minute later**

The doorbell rang. Millie squealed.

'Valentino's here.' She dashed out the room.

'Yippee...' Dave rolled his eyes.

**1 minute later**

Rebecca dragged me and Dave downstairs.

Millie was standing in some bloke's arms.

'Ciao Bellissimo.'

'Sei in ritardo?'

'Il mio treno era in ritardo.'

**1 minute later**

Gadzooks... Valentino is Italian, and Millie speaks Italian. I gave Dave evils.

'Why did you not mention, that your sis speaks Italian? You know, when I was dating the Handbag Horse... Hornmeister, I'm very disappointed in you.'

**1 minute later**

Giving Dave the cold shoulder.

**1 minute later**

Dave wrapped his arms around me.

'I sorry Kittykat.' I smiled. Awww... He thought I was cross.

**12:06 pm, Dave's Living Room**

Millie and Rebecca have just told us they've met Masimo.

'It was last week...'

'Char and Tino took us...'

'To Avril's show. We like had backstage passes and everything.'

'They're really...'

'Amazing.'

**12:19 pm, Dave's Bedroom**

Sitting on Dave's bed again.

Valentino is cooking lunch. Millie and Rebecca are helping.

'Valentino seems nice.'

'Hmmm... He's going to propose to Millie. He asked for Vati's permission last week.' Awww... That's so sweet.

'Dave, that's really sweet.' Somehow, I don't think Dave finds it vair sweet. He's turned into Dave the Grouch all of a sudden.

**2 minutes later**

Snogging Dave. Number 6.

**5 minute later**

Dave the Laugh's back.

'Kittykat and the Biscuit should try on their costume.' I just rolled my eyes.

**1 minute later**

Dave's helping me climb into the front half of the horse.

He's already wearing the back half.

'Sex Kitten makes a very sexy horse.' I gave Dave evils.

'Not funny Dave.'


	12. I'll go feed your camel

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

**12.** **I'll go feed your camel**

**12:28 pm**

We're trying to walk in the naff horse costume. Dave has his hands on my hips: it's making me giggle.

'Kittykat, I'm not tickling you.'

**1 minute later**

We've fallen over. I landed on Dave.

'On the brightside, we made our horse sit down.'

'Hmmm... But Kittykat is sitting on the Biscuits head.'

**4 minutes later**

Snogging Dave.

We'd given up trying to walk in our costume.

**5 minutes later**

'DAVID! THE POSTMAN HAS A PARCEL FOR YOU!'

**1 minute later**

Dave has collected the parcel. He placed it on his desk.

'Aren't you gonna opening it?'

'Nope...' He popped the 'p'.

I just stared at the small parcel.

'What's in it?'

'Arr... Now Kittykat that would be telling.' He sat down next to me.

'But I won't tell anyone.'

'Okay... But you have to promise, not to tell Kittykat.'

I raised my eyebrows.

Dave raised his further.

**1 minute later**

He wasn't going to tell me. Whatever was in the parcel was for me.

**12:47 pm**

'DAVID! GEE! LUNCH'S DONE!'

**3 minutes later, Dave's Kitchen**

Sitting around the dining table.

Valentino is a really good cook.

**1 minute later**

'What was in your parcel, Sweetie?' Dave looked up at Rebecca.

'Getting old are we, B... I told you last week: over the phone?' Rebecca's month formed a perfect 'o'.

This mystery parcel would really start to get on my nerves.

**1 minute later**

'Gee... Have we told you about when Dave wanted to learn how to sing?' I shook my head. They'd told me lots of stories about Dave, but not that one.

'That wasn't that long ago, Millie.'

'I know... It was when Gee went to America. You remember we came home for the holiday's...'

'And Sweetie Pie had locked himself in his room...'

'Because Gee had run off after Masimo.'

'Yeah, Sweetie Pie was sad.'

'Anyway, he asked us...'

'To teach him to sing, but...'

'He was terrible.' I smirked.

'Why would the Biscuit wanna learn to sing?' Dave looked at me.

'Because Kittykat kept picking lead singers over me.' Oh...

'But I picked the Biscuit in the end.'

**2 minute later**

Awww... Dave's all smiley.

**1:27 pm, Dave's Bedroom**

Snuggled up in Dave's bed, watching a movie.

It's a comedy, but then I am with Dave the laugh.

**1 minute later**

Dave's being vair cute. He's running his fingers through the curls of my hair.

**30 minute later**

'DAVID!'

**1 minute later**

Dave's Mutti is home. She came wondering into Dave's bedroom. She's really vair pretty, but not in a lessie sort of way. She has long dark auburn hair with hazel eyes.

'Woopies... Silly me, you're with the pretty Kittykat, who took your virginity.'

Dave flushed a little red.

'Gee... This is my Mutti. She already knows who you are.'

'She has humongous nunga-nungas, Pookie Bear.'

**1 minute later**

Dave's pushing his Mutti out the room.

'Yes, yes... Lobe you too Mutti.'

**1 minute later**

Dave's Mutti is vair strong. She's like Super Mutti.

'Mutti... Just, go feed my camel.' Dave's Mutti laughed.

'Okay Pookie, I'll go feed your camel.'

**2 minute later**

'Dave, you're Mutti's mad.'

'Indeed.'

**1 minute later**

Snogging Dave. Number 6 and nip libbling.

**2:09 pm**

Someone has started singing.

'Who's singing?'

'It's Millie...'

'Wow... She's fab.'

'Hmmm... The Biscuit didn't inherit that voice. He has Vati's voice.'

**1 minute later**

Listening to Millie singing. She's a really fabbity singer.

'So, Millie's on the West End; Rebecca's going to be a doctor; and you?'

I didn't know what Dave planned to do with his life. He grinned, as I asked.

'The Biscuit's gonna be a world famous comedian.' I smirked. Figures.

'What about Kittykat?'

'Erm... I don't know. I'd like to be a journalist: I could have my own column.'

**1 minute later**

'Dance with me, Kittykat.'

'But there's no music.'

**1 minute later**

Dave's put some music on.

**2:13 pm**

Dancing with Dave.

'Davey... You're mad.'

**10 minutes later**

'DAVID! ROLLO'S AT THE DOOR!'

'B, TELL HIM I'M BUSY!'

'Sorry Rollo, he's busy. He's got Gee up there with him.'

**1 minute later**

Rollo came up to Dave's room. Dave and I are still dancing.

'I thought me and you were hanging out today.'

'We are, just Kittykat's going to be around.'

'Oh. She any good on Xbox.'

**5 minutes later**

I'm pants on Xbox. Dave let me kill his character a few times; but Rollo kills my character, every chance he gets.

'Mate, stop killing her.'

'But she's so easy to kill... And I only need one more kill streak to get dogs.'

**2:35 pm**

Dave and Rollo haven't gotten bored of Xbox yet. Though Rollo's not killing me anymore.

I wonder how long they can keep playing for. I'm already vair bored.

**1 minute later**

Rebecca saved me.

We're in her room. She's painting my nails.

'Dave tells me that you have a mad little sister.'

'Yeah, she's a complete loon.' Rebecca smirked.

'He writes about you a lot in his diary... Hmmm... Maybe you can clear something up for me.'

**2 minute later**

Rebecca just pulled Dave's diary out from under her pillow.

'This bit...' She opened the note book, before placing it in front of me. I read the entry, whilst Rebecca continued to paint my nails.

_Bugger...Gee fell in down the bank into the pond. _

_I can__'__t believe I let her fall into the pond. I held out my hand. Knowing my luck, the cheeky minx will pull me in. She didn__'__t reach for my hand. Not sure why I did, by I commented on her knickers. She grinned._

'_No, but I think they__'__re full of tadpoles, and actually my bum-oley really hurts.__'__ I pulled her up the bank. She__'__s so cute, when she talks. Her mad words always made me smile. __'__I think I may have broken my bottom.__'__ I stared into her eyes, whilst sighing under my breath._

'_Are we never to be free, Kittykat?__'__ So wish Mas would do one: then Gee could be with me, __'__Oh bugger it, it has to be done.__'__ I snogged her._

**1 minute later**

'He leaves Millie and I rather confused... He doesn't write in his diary that often. It leaves big gaps... How did you end up in the woods?'

'We went camping with our mates... I was after Mas at the time, but I could never keep my hands off your brother.' Rebecca chuckled.

'Yeah, I've read the rest of his diaries. And he always phones me or Millie for advice.'

'Oh... I didn't realise you and him were that close.

'Unfortunately we are. Nah... I'm joking. He's a good little bro.' I grinned.

'Got more of his diaries?' Rebecca laughed.


	13. Ride 'em cowboy

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

**13.** **Ride 'em cowboy**

**2:47 pm**

Reading Dave's latest diary.

_The Hornmeister and Kittykat; dancing the Full Monty.__ It was __she told Handbag Horse today, that she__'__s with me now. I couldn__'__t believe, that she__ wa__s finally all mine. We ended up back in our hotel room.__My Kittykat has a beautiful body. It gives me the horn big time. Her little squeaks give me the horn big time. She got all embarrassed, when I mentioned the squeaks she made._

'_You make gorgey little squeaks, when you__'__ve got the horn.__'__ I told her she was perfect, even with her sex hair. __'__You__'__re so very perfect, Kittykat. Don__'__t get embarrassed.__'_

**14 minute later**

Dave walked into the room.

'Arr... That's where my journals vanished to... Kittykat, I very disappointed in you.' He sat down behind me, whilst nuzzling my neck. Number 6 ¾.

'I sorry Davey.' Dave smirked, before whispering into my ear.

'The Hornmeister doesn't mind.'

**5:00 pm**

Dave's Mutti, or Call-Me-Jane, has made us some dinner. It was really yummy.

**1 minute later**

Dave's Vati just walked into the kitchen. Gadzooks... He's totally gorgeous: just like Dave. He sat down next to Jane, who he snogged.

'Dad, do you have too? We're like trying to eat.'

'Nice to see you too, Mills.' Millie smirked.

'Old people are so gross.' Dave's Vati laughed, whilst looking in my direction.

'Who's your little friend, Dave?'

'Nrrrghh...' Everyone's looking at me.

Why did I even try to speak?

'This is Gee.' Dave's Vati continued to grin.

'Oh... It's nice to finally meet you, Gee. Your all Dave speaks about... I'm Dave's father; but you can call me Richard, if you like.' I just nodded.

Gosh, he really looks like Dave... He even has the cute dimples, which Dave has when he laughs.

**2 minutes later**

'Gee... I've just remembered. Millie and I want your digits.' Dave raised his eyebrows.

'Why would you want my horn partner's digits?'

'We like her. She's not all...'

'... annoying like the last one. Emma was a...'

'Little creepy. But Gee's cool.' I smiled: Dave's face fell. Don't think he liked, the idea of me being friends, with his sisters.

**5:13 pm**

I love Dave's family.

I've swapped digits with Millie and B. I liked being their friend. Maybe, Millie would even invite me to her wedding. I could be Dave's date.

And Call-Me-Richard is hilarious. He's telling us about his day at work. He's an accountant, but you'd never have guessed.

**5 minutes later, Dave's Bedroom.**

Rollo is now coming trick or treating with us. He's going to be a cowboy, who rides the naffest horse in the history of the Wild West. In case you fules have forgotten, Dave and I are going to be that naff horse.

I didn't find this amusing, but Dave found it hilarious.

'Come on Kittykat, it'll be a laugh.' Eventually, Dave persuaded me with a quick snog.

**5:20 pm**

Climbing into our naff horse costume. Millie and Rebecca think we look ridiculous. I think Rollo looks ridiculous. He makes a vair camp cowboy.

'Rollo, you wanna handbag to carry?' Rollo totally ignored Dave. Number 6 on the Having the Hump Scale: pretendy deafnosity.

**10 minutes later**

Feel like a humongous prat.

Walking down the street with Dave's hands on my hips; and Rollo, sitting on Dave's back, shouting lame cowboy phases.

'Ride 'em cowboy. Giddy up.'

'Rollo... If you kick me in the sides one more time, we're turning this horse around and going straight home.' Rollo chuckled, as we arrived at the first house.

Rollo knocked on the door.

**1 minute later**

'Trick or Treat?'

The occupant of the house, slammed the door in my face.

**5:56 pm**

We've just reached Jools house. Rollo wanted to surprise her.

**1 minute later**

'Howdy, Gorgeous.' Jools answered the door. She giggled.

'Rollo... You know I prefer knights in shining armour.'

'Awww... Julia, but you see that would make the Biscuit crumble. Suits of armour weigh a few tonne.' Jools continued to giggle.

'Dave, is that you...? Has Gee seen the pair of you?'

'Oui mon pally, moi be the front of the horse.'

**1 minute later**

Jools is still laughing.

'Gadzooks... Let me get my camera.' She rang off to get her camera.

**2 minutes later**

Jools is back.

'Okay. Okay. Say, Howdy partner.'

'Howdy partner.' Jools took the picture.

'Hang on Jools, take it again. I think I blinked.' I smirked.

'Dave...? It doesn't matter.'

**3 minutes later**

Jools has changed into a check shirt, jeans and found herself a cowgirl hat. Rollo's let her sit on Dave's back. Next stop: Hunky's house.

**Tom's house, 6:09 pm**

Rollo knocked on the door.

'Trick or Treat?'

Jas opened the door with a scream. We all laughed.

Jazzy Spazzy's in her owley jimjams.

'Po, are you okay?' Hunky walked up behind Jas. Oo-er... Hunky's in his boxers.

Rollo and Dave chuckled.

'Are we interrupting something, oh wise voley one?' It's vair weirdiosity, when Dave speaks. It sounds like our naff horse speaks out of its botty.

'No... me and Jazzy were just watching a couple of scary movies.'

'I bet you were.' Jas went red, as Rollo spoke.

**1 minute later**

Tom told us to bugger off... Charming.

Dave is now making horsey noises. It's vair annoying.

'David! Stop it!'

'Awww... But Kittykat, we're a horse, so we make horsey sounds... And don't call me David.'

**2 minutes later**

Rollo, Dave and I are a tangled mess on the floor. Jools is laughing.

'Are you okay, Rollo?' She helped Rollo up.

'Kittykat, you should really look where you're going.' I so wanted to give him evils now.

**1 minute later**

Dave helped me to my feet.

**7:10 pm**

Rollo took Jools back to his house. Dave dropped me off at my house. We weren't joined together anymore: and I'd removed the horse head.

**1 minute later**

Standing at my front door: snogging Dave. Number 6.

**7 minutes later**

'S'later Kittykat.'

'S'later Hornmeister. I love you.'

'Love you too, Sex Kitten.' He then winked at me, before walking off.

**My Bedroom**

The elder loons and Libs have gone to a fancy-dress party... Dressed as what; I don't want to know. I sat, eating my way, through my share of the candy. It's really yummy.

**7:30 pm**

Text message... From Rebecca the Laugh. See what I did there?

_Hey Gee. Are you busy tomorrow? Millie and I wanna take you shopping... Dave's spending the day with Dad and his 'brother-in-laws'. Rebecca and ._

_Yeah, that sounds like a plan. Can I bring my friend along? Gee._

_Sure... See you tomorrow at 12:00. We're grab some lunch in town. I'll pay. Rebecca. xxx._

**1 minute later**

Texting Jas.

_Jazzy. Will you come shopping with me tomorrow? Gee_

Jazzy took a second to reply.

_Shopping? With the Ace Gang? Jas_

_No... With Rebecca the Laugh and Millie the Laugh. Dave's sisters. Gee_

**1 minute later**

On the phone with Jas.

'Gee...'

'Jas...'

'Did you meet Dave's family today?'

'Oui mon bestest pally. I love the Biscuit's family... His sisters are coolio and fully of maturiosity. And his Vati is so gorgey. He looks exactly like Dave.'

'What about his Mum?'

'She's nice. A little embarrassing, but nice.'

'And his sisters, have asked you, to go shopping with them. Gee, I really don't think, I'm invited.'

'No... They said you could come.'

'I don't know Gee. I'd feel like a third wheel... Besides, Hunky and I are going rambling tomorrow. His Mum's driving us to the woods.'

**1 minute later**

Hung up on Jas. Stupid wise woman of the forest.

**9:00 pm**

Choosing a maturiosity outfit for tomorrow.

**1 minute later**

I have a really cute pair of baggy floral shorts. I could wear them with a plain vest top and my brown sandals. Or my short denim dungarees, with my pretty floral blouses and dolly pumps.

**2 minutes later**

Do the dungarees make me look childish? Hmmm... I'm going for maturiosity. I don't wanna look like a little kid.

**1 minute late**

The elder loon and Libs are home.

Libby came running into my room.

'GINGEY! LOOK, I'M A PUSSY.' She was dressed in a catsuit with tail, ears and whiskers.

'Hmmm...'

**1 minute later**

Gadzooks... Mutti went as a school girl. She looks like a hooker. Her basoomas are hanging out the top of her white blouses and her miniskirt is no more than a belt around her waist. I'm not sure who Vati went as. I don't recognise who he's supposed to be and I'm too tired to talk to him.

**2 minutes later, Back in My Bedroom**

Wow... I am tired... zzzzzz.

**AN. Just to let my reader know. Ride 'em cowboy is actually inspired by a group of lads at my school, who decided they'd come dressed as a cow and a group of cowboys. Like in this story, the poor cow carried the cowboys around all day. It was every so funny, to see the two halves of the cow sitting in lesson. Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Love RoxanneCullen.**


	14. THE SOUND OF PANTS

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

**14.** **HILLS ARE ALIVE WITH THE SOUND OF PANTS**

Tuesday, November 1

**10:20 am**

Getting ready to go out with Millie the Laugh and Rebecca the Laugh.

Angus is curled up on my bed watching me change. Such a rudey dudey cat. How dare he watch me change?

**5 minutes later**

'Georgia, Hunni. Are you seeing Dave today?'

Mutti just waltzed into my room. I stared at her, whilst starting to apply eyeliner.

'No...' She didn't leave my room. 'What do you want?'

'Your father and I would like you to invite Dave over for tea.'

**1 minute later**

Laughing like a loon.

My Mutti cooking? For my official snog partner?

'Georgia, what's so funny?'

'Nothing... You're actually gonna cook. Like real food.'

'Don't be so cheeky. I'm a very good cook.'

'Fine. I shall ask him. He may not even want to come.' Like that was going to be a possibility. Dave would jump at the chance to meet my loony family.

**10:34 am**

Makeup very maturiosity today. Simple eyeliner, pale eye shadow, bit of foundation, some mascara and a bit of pale lippy.

Hair is wavy from where the curls have started to fall out. It looks good through, sort of beach chic.

**10:55 am, Breakfast**

A mouldy piece of toast, with the burnt patches scrapped off and a glass of milk.

**1 minute later**

Spat the milk everywhere. It had gone off.

**1 minute later**

Downed a glass of water, before mopping up the milk.

**2 minutes later**

The phone is ringing.

'Greetings you have reached the Nicolson household. Home to the head of naffest horse in history.'

'Gee!'

It's RoRo.

'RoRo!'

'Gee... Are you coming to Buddha Lounge on Friday? They've found some band to replace the Dylans.'

**1 minute later**

Wow... They've replaced the Dylans.

RoRo says that the new band is called Ja.M.O. What a naff name? Apparently, they used to play at the Buddha Lounge before the Dylans.

'I don't know RoRo... They sound ancient.'

'Hmmm... I'll leave Kittykat to think about it.' And then she hung up.

**1 minute later**

Hey... She called me Kittykat. That's not cool.

**11:20 am**

Walking to Dave's house.

Bet you're surprised that I'm early... To be honest I'm a little surprised too.

**Dave's House**

Rang the doorbell.

Dave answered.

'Sex Kitten?'

**1 minute later**

'DAVID! LET HER IN ALREADY! SHE'S NOT HERE TO SEE YOU!'

'HILLS ARE ALIVE WITH THE SOUND OF PANTS, MILLIE!'

'SHUT YOU'RE FACE!'

Charming...

**1 minute later**

'MUTTI! I'M GOING OUT WITH GEE!'

'NO, YOU'RE NOT! YOU'RE SPENDING THE DAY WITH YOUR DAD, TINO AND CHARLES!' Dave frowned.

'Sweetie Pie... She's not here to see you. She's come to see me and Millie. You get to go paintballing, remember.'

Gadzooks... Rebecca looks really pretty today. Dave started moaning.

'I don't want to go paintballing with your poncey hubby and an Italian Handbag Horse.'

'Char is not poncey. He just has better manners than you do.'

She went to hit Dave with her handbag. He dodged out the way, before pulling me in front of him.

**1 minute later**

'B... We'll deal with him later. He'll be knacked after the paintballing.' Millie had just walked down the stairs: Rebecca grinned.

'Fine, but this time we shave both eyebrows off.' Dave's face fell. I giggled: they wouldn't really shave his eyebrows off, would they?

'Kittykat, my sisters don't fule about.'

'What...? No, you can't shave his eyebrows off. He'll look prat-ish.' Rebecca and Millie laughed.

'They'll grow back...'

'At some point, Gee. Plus we'll like...'

'Draw him a new set.'

**11:30 am**

Rebecca and Millie dragged me out the house. I didn't even get the chance to say bye to Dave.

**2 minutes later**

In Millie's car. It's a really nice car... And it has four wheels.

**1 minute later**

'Dave tells us...'

'You get in trouble a lot...'

'At school.' I smirked.

'That's became Slim hates me. And Hawkeye doesn't share my sense of humour.' Millie smirked.

'We never got in trouble at school... But then again Mrs. Heaton like totally loved us.'

'Millie's that's only because: I was the only Oxbridge candidate, that the school had ever seen; and you are amazingly talented at lying.' Millie laughed.

'Do you remember that little twerp?'

'Who? The first year that followed us around like a lost puppy.'

'Yeah... She told Mrs. Heaton, that we let the Foxwoods lads in.'

'And she ended up in detention, because we persuaded Mrs. Heaton that she did it.'

**1 minute later**

Millie and Rebecca are laughing.

'Gosh... What was her name?'

'Dave would know. She had a major crush on him... You remember: she used to stand outside the house waiting for him to leave.'

'And he'd always go out the back and jump the wall.'

**11:56 am**

Sitting in a really nice restaurant with Rebecca and Millie. Talking about clothes, makeup, etc.

'Gee... Order anything you like. Millie can pick up the bill.' Millie glared at B. B just chuckled. 'You know I'll pay you back, when I'm out of university.'

Millie grinned.

'You better.' They both laughed.

**1 minute later**

Great... Wet Lindsay just walked into the restaurant.

**1 minute later**

Why is she waving at me?

**1 minute later**

'Rebecca! Amelia! Do you remember me?'

Rebecca looked at Millie.

Millie looked at Rebecca. 'It's me. Lindsey: we used to be friends at school.'

**12:10 pm**

Gadzooks... Lindsay is the little twerp, who Rebecca and Millie were talking about in the car.

She sat down next to Millie.

I don't think she's noticed me yet.

'So, how's your brother these days...? Last I saw of him, he was wheeling a wheelbarrow down the hill, outside of school.'

Hey... I was in that wheelbarrow. That's when Lindsay took me out in hockey.

'He's alright...'

'Got himself a new girlfriend.'

**1 minute later**

Lindsay just noticed me. She gave me evils.

'Nicolson...? What are you doing here?' Charming.

'She's Davey's new girlfriend.' Lindsay's face fell.

**1 minute later**

Lindsey didn't speak again. She sat with Astonishingly Dumb Monica. I can hear their conversation.

'Can you believe her...? She's already got another boy wrapped around her fingers... How does a little tart like that, get so many boyfriends? I mean she's only just broke up with Mas... She's not even that pretty. Her nose is massive.'

'Maybe she's Dave's rebound.'

'Monica, don't be dumb... That little tart's always had her claws in Dave's heart. He's such an idiot for ever taking her back.'

'Do you still like Dave?'

'Hmmm... He's very charming. But I'd have to make sure he didn't fule about.' Millie's and Rebecca's faces fell.

'What a bitch. Our...'

'Sweetie Pie would be totally dull...'

'Without his sense of humour.'

**1 minute later**

Lindsay reckons she can pull Kittykat and Hornmeister a part. She's tre tre pathetic. She's so not Davey's type. Dave doesn't like stick insects with massive foreheads. And he likes natural basoomas. Wet Lindsay's like a Barbie doll: a complete fake.

'If I can't have Mas, or Robbie: then she can't have Dave.'

**1 minute later**

Texting Dave.

_You're mine. And don't you forget that. Gee. xxx._

**5 minutes later**

_Kittykat, you are a tres tres minx. What's up? I know I'm all yours. Ooo... And Charles just shot me, because I jumped up, when my phone vibrated. It really hurt. I expect an apology. Dave. _

I grinned.

_I'm sorry, Biscuit. And nothings up. We've just bummed into Wet Lindsay. You never mentioned that she used to have a thing for you. She reckons she's gonna pull us apart. Kittykat. xxx._

_Kittykat... Don't listen to her; she's always been a bitch. I love you: you're my one and only. See you tomorrow. That's it I've not swollen up and dead. Dave. xxx _

**1 minute later**

Hmmm... Couldn't wait to see Dave tomorrow.

**1:39 pm**

Shopping with Millie and Rebecca.

Millie wants a dress, because Tino is taking her out to a really posh restaurant. This is probably were he plans to propose. Rebecca is rejecting most the dresses which Millie tries on. She says that they're not good enough, but I think most of them are really fab.

**Few Shops Later**

Millie and Rebecca have me trying on dresses. I don't know why.

'Why do I need a dress?'

'No reason...'

'Upcoming dates. Dave likes it...'

'When you look beautiful. We thought...'

'A new dress would do the trick.'

**2:03 pm**

Rebecca said that this lace dress looked best on me. It's dark blue: thigh length with short sleeves. Millie placed a belt around my waist. They both smiled.

'That looks good. A pair of heels...'

'And you're good to go.'

**1 minute later**

Staring in the full length mirror. The lace dress is really fab: and I like the belt.

**2:24 pm**

Wow... Rebecca and Millie brought me the dress, the belt, a pair of really groovy heels and some bracelets. I told them not to spend so much on me, but they both shook their heads.

'Gee... I make a lot of money performing. I can afford to spoil my little bro's girlfriend.' Millie was grinning: so was Rebecca actually.

**4:00 pm**

Dave's sisters dropped me off at home.

'Bye Gee... We'll see you later.'

'We're here until the end of the week.' I smiled.

'Coolio... Are you gonna come to the gig on Friday?' They both raised their eyebrows.

'Gig?'

'Yeah, the Buddha Lounge has replaced the Dylans. Some band called Ja.M.O.'

**1 minute later**

Both Millie and Rebecca screamed. 'You know of them?'

'Yeah... They're totally amazing.'

'Matt, Aaron, James and Owen... They used to go to Foxwoods. But then they each got their girlfriend preggers. They don't play anymore...'

'But if they're playing this Friday, then we'll be there.'

**6:29 pm**

Phoning RoRo.

'Viking Bride speaking.'

'Hey RoRo... I will come to the gig on Friday. Tell the rest of the Ace Gang and the lads.'

'Awesome. I'll spend the word... I'll let you tell Mr. Laugh.' I smiled.

'Fab. See you tomorrow.'

Hung up on Rosie.

**7 minutes later**

Talking to Dave over the phone.

'Hey Davey.'

'Kittykat...'

'How is my brave paintballer?'

'In aggers... I have lots of bruises. I wasn't very good at hiding.' I smirked.

'Oh. I'm sorry to hear that. You may have a snog tomorrow, after school.'

'I'll hold you too that, Sex Kitten.'

'Oh I bet you will.'

**AN. Next Chapter... Yay. I'm going back to school tomorrow, so updates will be less regular. I have important exams coming up and will be spending most of my time revising. I may be able to get a few hours of writing done at the weekend, but I don't want to rush this story. I will try and update as soon as I can. Love RoxanneCullen. **


	15. Do you like troll dolls?

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

**15. ****Do you like troll dolls?**

Wednesday, November 2

**8:23 am**

I'm late... Running to Jas' house.

**2 minutes later**

She's just about to leave.

'Gee... You're late.'

**1 minute later**

Catching my breath.

'Gee... Are you alright?'

Can't believe I'm late? I didn't even put makeup on this morning: and for once, I'm actually wearing the correct uniform. I don't want to give Wet Lindsay any reason to land me in detention.

**8:53 am**

Running up the hill to Stalag 14.

Hawkeye's standing at the gate: talking to Rebecca and Amelia. She never noticed me and Jas.

**1 minute later**

'Jas? That was Dave's sisters.' Jas turned around to look.

'Really, they don't look like him.'

'Don't be a div Jas... Robbie doesn't look like Tom; so why should Dave, look like his sisters.'

'Tom's and Robbie's ears are the same.' I just stared at her.

**Assembly**

RoRo passed me a note.

_I told the Ace Gang about the gig. We're going with the Barmy Arm__y. Did you tell Dave? RoRo._

I wrote back.

_Not yet.__.. He's meeting me after school. I'll ask him then. Gee._

**1 minute later**

Bugger... The Hitler Youth just stole the note: and their Octopus leader is reading it.

She grinned at me.

**1 minute later**

Lindsay wrote on the note and passed it back to me.

_In your dreams__, Nicolson. He won't wanna know you after tonight._

**On the way to German**

Told the Ace Gang about Lindsay's plan.

'Gee. That'll never happen... Dave loves you.'

'Jazzy's right Gee. The Laughy man's with you: and he lobes it.'

**9:15 am**

Eating midget jems, listening to Herr Kamyer speaking about Koch's.

Jools threw a note at me: RoRo had added her pennies worth.

_Wh__at do you think Lindsay will do? Jools._

_She'll__ probably throw her fake basoomas around... Or trip Gee up. RoRo ; )_

**1 minute later**

I sent the note back to Jools, via Rosie.

I'm just going to pretend that I don't care. And that's so not funny RoRo. Besides if she trips me, Dave will be there to catch me. Gee.

**1 minute later**

RoRo's making kissy faces at me. I gave her evils.

**9:46 am**

Note came back from Jools.

She'll probably just flirt with him and he'll make fun. He is Dave the Laugh after all. Jools

I smiled. That sounded like Dave.

**11:15 am, Break**

In the tart wardrobe. The entire Ace Gang is squished into one cubical. We're talking about the Octopus 'with too many tentacles' problem.

I texted Dave.

_Can't wait to see you later. Gee._

**1 minute later**

Mabs was looking over my shoulder.

'Gee... That's so cute.'

'What did she say?' RoRo took my mobile off of me. 'Hmmm... Can't wait to see you later. Gee.'

She put on a lame accent. The rest of the Ace Gang went awww. I turned red.

**1 minute later**

Dave text back. RoRo decided to read it out loud.

_Kittykat is once again sexting. I've told you many-many times before that Jack the Biscuit doesn't do phone sex. He does miss Kittykat though. His evil sisters were quite mean last night, but at your request the Biscuit still has both his eyebrows. S'later Sex Kitten got to go, cause Rollo's about to throw Spotty Norman in the garbage bin. Love Dave. xxx._

**1 minute later**

The Ace Gang were staring at me.

'Erm... What... I... Well, I mean... Like... Err... What is... sexting?'

**Double P.E.**

Explaining the wonders of sexting to Ellen.

Instead of playing Netball.

'But... that... that's like... Well... rude...'

'Ellen, that's the idea.'

'Do... well... do... err... Do you and Dave... like... sext often?'

**3 minutes later**

Miss. Stamp noticed we weren't playing. The conversation continued, as we passed the ball around.

'No... The Hornmeister and I only sext, when we miss each other.'

'Oh... But... so... is he like... like rude.'

**1 minute later**

It started to rain. We all dashed for the cover of a nearby bike shed.

'Good job we've got R.E. this arvie. We all look like panda bears.'

**1 minute later**

RoRo has noticed that I'm not wearing makeup.

'Gee-Gee. You've gone o-natural... Are you clearly insane?'

'I don't want detention. Besides Davey doesn't mind.'

**1:30 pm, Lunchtime**

We take turns to dry off under the hand dyer.

**4 minutes later**

Jas just stood up... Her fringe is literally standing vertically off of her forehead. She looks mortified. We laughed like loons.

'It's not funny: I look like a prat.'

**1 minute later**

My turn under the dyer. I was imagining Lindsay's face this arvie, when Dave came to me instead of her. She was covered in makeup today and her basoomas looked particularly large. RoRo reckons she's ungraded her false nungas.

**On the way to R.E.**

Bumped into Wet Lindsay: she's with ADM.

'Look Monica. It's one of those troll dolls.' RoRo zoomed in on her. Actually, I thought RoRo may kiss her: their faces were only a couple of centimetres apart.

'Says the blow up doll... Did you're pump malfunction? I think, you've over-inflated those things, you call nungas.'

**1 minute later**

Lindsay huffed, before walking off with full prideosity.

**1 minute later**

Spent R.E. texting Dave.

He was in Spanish. Their teacher had fallen to sleep, because he had a hangover.

_Do you like troll dolls? Gee._

_What? Kittykat, you're such a loon. Dave. x._

_Non... Wet Lindsay says I look like a troll doll. We got caught in the rain during PE. Gee._

_Hmmm... I've never snogged a troll doll. I look forward to it_ _: )_

_You're so sweet, Davey. Oh... We had to explain sexting to Ellen. She said it's very rudey dudey._

_But Kittykat that be the idea. ; )_

_That's what we said._

**4 minutes later**

Dave stole Dec's mobile and sexted Ellen. Ellen's turned beetroot.

I had to fight the urge to laugh.

**1 minute later**

Note from Ellen.

_Gee... I... I think... I mean... Err... Dec just... Dec just sexted me. Ellen_

**1 minute later**

Texted Dave.

_Dave, she's gone bright red. And she even dithered in the note she sent me._

_Are all the Ace Gang in your class?_

_Why?_

_I've stolen the rest of the guys' phones. I'm gonna sext Jas, Jools and Mabs._

_What about RoRo?_

_Kittykat? Have you seen Sven...? He's blooming massive and I don't fancy being a human accordion._

**2:26 pm**

Emergency Ace Gang meeting. Luckily, Miss. Wilson has us working in groups.

Jools was the first to share her message.

_Can't wait to see you. You cheeky minx. Rollo ; )_ She didn't seem too phased.

'He's sent me sexts before. I sent this back.' She shared her response, which must have given Dave a hell of a chuckle.

_Rollo. You know not to sext me, whilst I'm at school. You're a very naughty boy... I'll deal with you later. Jools. ; ) _Oo-er.

Jas went next. Her sext had really rattled her. She looked vair embarrassed.

_Hey Po. You fancy a quick trip to number 10 and back. My parents have gone to visit Robbie, so my house is empty. Love Hunky. xxx._

'He never sends me sexts... I knew I shouldn't have gone all the way with him.'

And finally Mabs and Ellen.

_Can't wait to see you, you sexy minx. Ed. xxx._

_Wish I could snog, you right now Elie... Dec. xx._

**7 minutes later**

Apology texts have started to come through.

The Barmy Army must have caught Dave.

Rollo didn't apologies though... I think he might be glad, that Jools is going to deal with him later. Strange boy.

**1 minute later**

Fed up with Jas complaining.

'Gee... That wasn't funny. Dave could have done serious damage, to mine and Tom's relationship.'

**3:00 pm**

Freedom.

**5 minutes later**

The rest of the Ace Gang is in the tart wardrobe, fixing their hair and makeup.

**1 minute later**

I wasn't going to wait around and let Wet Lindsay flirt with Dave. I left the Ace Gang fussing, whilst I went out to the Barmy Army. They'd be standing outside the school gate.

**1 minute later**

Bugger... The Octopus beat me too my gorgey boyfriend.

Gadzooks, what a slut? And where did those 6 inch heels come from? She's vair tall in her heels.

She's doing the hair flicking fandango and giggling. Since when did stick insects giggle?

**2 minutes later**

I'm going to kill her. She's just leant forward and pressed her basoomas into Dave's face.

**1 minute later**

ADM tripped me, as I stormed over to the gate. I fell on my knees.

Dave pushed Lindsay away from him and ran over.

'Kittykat. Are you okay?' He helped me to my feet. He sounded a little worried: I smiled.

'I feel better now.' Dave smirked, whilst brushing back my hair.

**1 minute later**

Snogging Dave. Number 6.

**4 minutes later**

Been told to get off of the school site.

Hawkeye said I'm a bad explain to the younger pupils. She should tell that to the slutty Octopus over by the gate.

**AN. I****'m back school now. So I've really got to revise for my exams. I will not be updating for a couple of months. But I promise that when I return to writing, I will be extending the story. I will double it in length from the planned twenty or so chapters, to forty chapters. Love RoxanneCullen. **


	16. For Dave's eyes only

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

**16.** **For Dave's eyes only**

**3:20 pm**

Having an argument with the Octopus.

'He's with me!'

'Robbie was with me...! You're just a hypocrite and ugly!'

'You're a tart! You can't throw you basoomas around like that! It's slutty!'

**1 minute later**

Lindsay grabbed hold of Dave's other hand, as I tried to lead him away.

'Let go of him!'

**1 minute later**

Playing tug-a-war with the Hornmeister.

The Barmy Army thought, it was such a laugh.

'Having fun, Davey?'

'ROLLO, SHUT UP!'

I didn't let Dave speak; because I so wasn't in the mood for a laugh.

**3:25 pm**

Lindsay and I pushed Dave out the way...

**1 minute later**

Having fisticuffs with Lindsay.

**1 minute later**

Lindsay's winning the fisticuffs. She's pulling my hair and pinching.

Dave pulled me away: whilst Rollo and Tom grabbed Lindsay.

'Kittykat?' Dave sounded worried again. I was struggling against his arms. He's vair strong, so eventually, I gave up.

I removed his arms from my waist and walked off.

Dave spoke, as I walked off down the hill. 'Get her out of my sight... Before I do something, I'll regret.'

'Ja. Ja.' Lindsay screamed.

**6 minutes later**

I was blubbering, by the time Dave caught up with me.

'Georgia...' I stopped walking. 'Is my Kitten okay?'

I slowly shook my head.

Dave wrapped his arms around my waist. 'Hmmm... Let's get Kittykat home.'

**5 minutes later, My Bedroom**

Dave's gone home to fetch some, which he says will cheer me up.

Stupid Wet Octopus, with her high heels and fake basoomas.

**3:46 pm**

Phoned RoRo.

'Gee!' RoRo had me on speaker: the rest of the Ace Gang had spoken with her.

'The lads said you had fisticuffs with Lindsay.' Jas sounded worried.

'Hmmm... She pushed her basoomas in Dave's face. I just lost it... I was going to walk away, but she grabbed Dave's hand.'

'But the Hornmeister wants Kittykat, he always will.' RoRo made me feel a little better

'Is... Is like... erm... Dave... with you?' I grinned.

'He's gone home to get something... He said it'll make me smile.' The Ace Gang thought this was cute.

'My Viking groom carried Lindsay off after you'd left... He put ole' Octi-pussy in the garbage.'

**1 minute later**

'Really... He put her in the garbage?'

'Yeah, she was screaming... And she called him a great oath; so he dropped her in Foxwoods bin.'

**4 minutes later**

Yippee... Davey's back. He looks vair yummy.

**1 minute later**

'Hmmm... Kittykat's smiling. That's never a good thing.' I giggled.

**1 minute later**

Snogging Dave. Number 8.

**3 minutes later**

Sitting in bed, on Dave's lap.

'Kittykat. Lobe you.'

'Lobe you too, Hornmeister.'

**1 minute later**

Dave just produced a parcel.

It's the one that he'd received in the post.

'It's just a little something for Sex Kitten.'

**1 minute later**

Pulling the paper off the parcel.

Inside was a jewellery box: I looked at Dave.

'Dave... You didn't have to.' He brushed back my hair.

'I wanted too.'

**4:10 pm**

Snogging Dave. Number 6.

The necklace he'd brought me... was gorgey. It's a silver chain, with a solid silver Love Heart, hanging from it. Dave put it around my neck, before I noticed the message on the Love Heart.

_Sex Kitten_.

**2 minutes later**

'Dave, it's perfect... I love it.'

**1 minute later**

The elder loons are home... They have Cousin James and Uncle Eddie with them. Fab.

**1 minute later**

'Georgia... Are you in?'

'YES!' Mutti wondered into my bedroom.

She smiled, as she saw Dave; whilst straightening out her basoomas.

'Oh... Dave's here.'

'Yes. He was just about to leave.' Dave looked at me.

'I wasn't.' I nodded.

'Yes, you were.'

**1 minute later**

Bugger... Mutti invited Dave to stay for tea. And he'd accepted the invitation.

**My Living Room, 2 minutes later**

James smiled, as I walked into the room.

'Gee... You look very nice today.' Dave had followed me into the room.

'Doesn't she just.' He slapped my botty.

Uncle Eddie chuckled.

'Who's this?'

'This is Dave: Georgia's friends.' Mutti even put naff air quotes, around the word friend. 'Georgia, James is staying over tonight... Why don't you help him, take his things up to your room?

Oh fabbity.

**7 minute later, Back in my Bedroom**

It's a vair awkward fandango. James is trying to get off with me.

'That's an interesting necklace.' Gadzooks... He's looking at my nunga-nungas, because the Love Heart is hanging just above my cleavage.

'It's new... Dave gave me it.'

**1 minute later**

Dave hasn't even noticed that James really rates me... He's too busy nosing around my room.

**1 minute later**

Gadzooks... James just winked at me.

**4:30 pm**

'Kittykat. Why did this, not come London, with us?'

**1 minute later**

I've turned into a giant red loon.

Dave's found the lingerie set, which Jools and RoRo had made me buy.

'I... I... Well... Jools and RoRo... I mean they... they made... I didn't wanna buy it... But... but... they...' Dave was now smirking. I threw a pillow at him. 'Shut up!'

'Awww... Kittykat. You're such a minx.'

**2 minutes later**

James looked like his eyes might fall out.

'Core. That's really sexy... Gonna try it on for us, Georgia.' I gave him evils, before settling on being a tease.

'Arr... For Dave's eyes only.' Dave's grin widened.

**1 minute later**

Sitting on Dave's lap.

I told him about the gig on Friday.

'There's a gig at the Buddha Lounge on Friday.'

'Hmmm... Rollo was talking about it at school.'

'Will you be going?' Dave grinned.

'Only if my fair Kittykat will come with me.'

**4:38 pm**

Dave has gone to the loo.

James sat down next to me: I shuffled away.

**1 minute later**

Erlack... James tried to snog me.

Dave had just come back into the room.

He saw me push James away.

'Fine... I'll wait, until boyfriends gone home.' Dave didn't hear him.

**1 minute later**

'So, Cool Cats. What we gossing about?'

**1 minute later**

I am le genius. I'll ask Dave to stay tonight.

'Davey, will you stay over tonight?'

'Erm... Sure Kittykat, but will your elder loons let me.'

Hmmm... Looks like I'll have to persuade Mutti over dinner.

**5:00 pm**

'GEORGIA! TEA'S DONE!'

**1 minute later**

Leading Dave downstairs: James followed us.

'You know Kittykat; you're giving me the horn right now.'

'Dave that's vair rudey dudey.'

**2 minutes later**

Vati and Uncle Eddie are interrogating Dave.

'So, David. Tell us about yourself.' Dave smirked.

'I currently terrorise Foxwoods school. I have a set of very annoying brain-boxes as sisters: with a poncey and handbag welding set of brother-by-laws. Vati's an accountant and Mutti's a surgeon. I inherited everything except the brains and musical side of the family. Those genes were split between my sisters. I like playing footie... And when I'm older, I'm going to be a world famous comedian.'

**1 minute later**

Vati's face was priceless, when Dave said he terrorises Foxwoods.

'Oh, a comedian... I'm a bit of a funny man myself.' You're not funny, you bald coot: bald-o-grams are not funny. 'What did the pumpkin say to the other pumpkin?'

**1 minute later**

'Happy Halloween.'

Vati and the bald coot are laughing like loons.

Dave just raised his eyebrows.

'That's not even funny.'

**7 minutes later**

I'd asked Mutti, if Dave could stay over tonight. James' face fell.

**6:00 pm, My Bedroom**

Yay... Watching Movies.

Sitting in bed on Dave's lap.

Cousin James is sitting on his inflatable mattress.

**5 minutes later**

Wow... I'm so vair sleepy.

Dave let me go change into my jimjams.

**3 minutes later**

I'm going to fall to sleep on Dave's la... zzzz.


	17. Have fun Have a Laugh

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

**17.** **Have fun. Have a Laugh**

**11:00 pm**

Woke up. Davey was watching me sleep.

'Davey...What you doing?' Dave was running his fingers through my hair.

'Watching Kittykat snooze. Her rudey dudey cousin tried to touch her nungas, but the Hornmeister stopped him.'

**1 minute later**

Snogging Dave. Number 8.

**3 minutes later**

Dave's hands haven't left my basoomas.

'Dave... Hands off.' Dave smirked. He placed his arms around me.

'Kittykat should stay over the Biscuit's house Friday night... The Hornmeister's elder loons are going out, so he'll get rid of his sisters.'

'Is this so, that Kittykat can parade around in her groovy lingerie set?'

'Maybe.'

Thursday, November 3

**8:00 am**

'Wakey wakey Kittykat... Time for school.' I grumbled, before rolling over. Dave chuckled. 'Georgia. You need to wake up.'

**10 minute later**

Dave started tickle bears.

**1 minute later**

'Mr. Laugh, you're such a prat.' Dave smirked.

'Arr... Kittykat. That's not nice.'

**8:10 am**

Dave and I are walking hand in hand to Jazzy's house.

Jas is going to have a nervy spaz, when she see's that I'm early.

'Hornmeister, you're starting to become a good influence.'

'Jack the Biscuit just doesn't want to be late to school.'

'Arr... So, Mr. Laugh's a secret swot.'

**1 minute later**

Dave didn't take kindly to the swot comment.

He threw me over his shoulder.

I screamed. 'David, put me down!'

'Nope.'

'I was joking about the swot thing.'

**1 minute later**

Davey's giving me the cold shoulder.

**1 minute later**

Rollo just walked up behind us.

'What do we have here?'

'A very naughty Kittykat.' Rollo smirked.

'What did Kittykat do?'

'I called him a swot.' Rollo laughed.

'Dave's not a swot... A brainiac, but not a swot.'

'A brainiac?'

'Hmmm... Yeah. He's so frustrating. He fanny's about all term: then gets amazing grades... And he gets away with murder.'

**8:40 am**

Arrived at Stalag 14.

Jas was vair surprised that I was early.

Dave placed me on my feet, as we reached the gates of Stalag 14. He's still giving me the cold shoulder.

'S'later Davey.' I leaned into snog him, he leaned back. I gave him evils.

**1 minute later**

I walked off into Stalag 14 without letting Dave forgive me. If he wasn't going to snog me; then he could go without all day.

**Assembly**

Slim's chins are particularly wobbly today.

She's going on about the school rules. RoRo passed me a note.

_I heard that Mr. and Mrs. Laugh had a tiff this morning. RoRo_

_I called him a swot. He didn't want to be late to school._

_Davey the swot. Jas said he carried you all the way to Stalag 14._

_Hmmm... Over his shoulder. It was tres tres embarrassing._

**4 minutes later**

Slim's just announced that we have two very special guests today.

'... Many of you will not know these two amazing young women, but they were once sat in your very seats. They've both made this school very proud...'

**1 minute later**

Gadzooks... It's Rebecca and Amelia.

'... Rebecca is the first student from this school to attend Cambridge University, as a doctoral student. She also has the highest grades receive by any student from this school. Only being equalled by her sister, Amelia. Some of you may recognise Amelia, as she is currently on the West End, as Maria in the Sound of Music...'

I elbowed RoRo in the side.

'RoRo... That's Rebecca the Laugh and Amelia the Laugh.' She looked at me.

'Wow...'

**1 minute later**

'... These two marvellous girls are going to lead a workshop day for all the girls in form 10A.'

**Workshop with Rebecca and Amelia, 4 minutes later**

Walked into the classroom, which Slim had set aside for the workshop. Amelia caught hold of the back of my uniform, as I walked past them.

'Look B... It's little Kittykat. You know Gee... I got a text from Sweetie Pie earlier.'

**1 minute later**

Looking at Millie's mobile.

_I so get the house Friday night. Make yourselves scarce. Dave._

I went red: Rebecca and Millie giggled.

'It's alright Gee...'

'Tino and Char will just...'

'Book us into a nice hotel. It'll be...'

'Fun.'

**1 minute later**

I sat with the rest of the Ace Gang.

'Who's Sweetie Pie?' I looked at RoRo: still slightly red.

'Erm... They call Dave, Sweetie Pie.'

The Ace Gang giggled, whilst Rebecca and Millie began their workshop.

'Girlies...'

'We're going to like talk to you today, about success...'

'And a little bit about failure. We have...'

'A totally gorgey assistant to help us today, but he'll like be...'

'Here a little later. First...'

'We're gonna like tell you, our personal...'

'Steps to success. Number one...'

**7 minutes later**

The Laughs' Seven Steps to Success.

1. Find the one thing you excel at.

2. Decide where your life is going: aim high.

3. Do the work, but don't forget to play hard too.

4. Success isn't born in a day, so be prepared to wait.

5. If the trail runs dry, never give up. It'll work out eventually.

6. Find a Knight in Shining Armour. Fall in love.

7. Have fun. Have a Laugh.

**9:40 am**

Gosh... Jas is taking notes. RoRo whispered to me.

'Do they always finish each other's sentences?' I nodded. 'That's so cool.' I smirked, whilst listening to B and Millie. They were actually kind of interesting. A complete laugh.

'So, now you girlies will...'

'Like totally write your own lists...'

'To success. Where do you wanna be in...'

'Like ten years time. How will you get there?'

**4 minutes later**

Blimey O'Reilly... I didn't think this would be so hard.

**1 minute later**

Peaking at the Ace Gang's lists.

Jas' List.

_1. Get into Six Form_ - Is she mad? Another two years of this place.

_2. Go to University_.

_3. Become a Vet_ - Figures... Mrs. Vole will be a good Vet type person.

_4. Get married and raise a family_ - Hmmm...

RoRo's List.

_1. Marry Sven_- No surprise here.

_2. Go to College_ - I think I'll go to College. Maybe I'll persuade Davey too come with moi.

_3. Get a Job._

Jools' List.

_1. Get a Job._

_2. Go to College._

_3. Get married_ - Is it me, or have I seen this before?

Ellen's List.

_1.__ Get married_ - Why am I the only one not thinking about marriage? Oh right, because my horn partners sister's will be looking at these lists.

**9:52 am**

Amelia sat down at our table.

'What have you girls come up with?' The Ace Gang showed their lists: Millie grinned. 'Very good... How about you Kittykat?' I gave her evils.

'I haven't written anything.'

'Oh... Sweetie Pie will be disappointed, when he gets here.'

**1 minute later**

I'd turned goldfish. Dave was their assistant.

Millie took my piece of paper. 'I'll help you write. Tell me what you wanna achieve in life.'

**1 minute later**

I wasn't very co-operative. 'Does Kittykat wanna attend College? University?'

'Maybe College? I want to be a journalist.' Millie grinned.

'Hmmm... I know a couple of journalist. I'll introduce you. Anywho... You wanna get hitched.'

**2 minutes later**

Did I wanna get married? Would I marry Dave? Would we last that long? Did I want kids? Gadzooks... bet I look like a red loon on red loon tablets.

**10:00 am**

Vair embarrassed by the end of my list... I sat staring at it.

_1. Live in the moment. Enjoy life._

_2. Go to College._

_3. Become a Journalist._

_4. Live in London._

_5. Never give up._

_6. Get married: have kiddies._

_7. Love Davey. Have a Laugh. _She had added a couple of points herself.

**10:19 am**

Dave's arrived. He busted into the classroom.

'The Vati has arrived ladies. Hide your nungas.'

**3 minutes later**

Dave's such a prat.

He'd still giving me the ole' cold shoulder, because of the swot comment... How immature. He looks totally gorgeous though: the blue dye has just about washed out of his hair and he's wearing a vair tight pair of jeans, with a white tshirt.

**1 minute later**

Bloody Nora... Everyone's staring at him.

**2 minutes later**

Dave just winked at me. I smiled: I couldn't stay mad at him.

**10:30 am**

Dave came over to me. He kissed me on the cheek, before whispering into my ear.

'Hello Kittykat...'

'Hey Dave.'

**1 minute later**

Rebecca told Dave off.

'Sweetie Pie, you're not here to flirt.' Dave went red, before grumbling. He sat at the teacher's desk. Rebecca and Amelia continued to lead the workshop.

'Okay... We're now going to talk about your lists.'

'... And then we're gonna like totally put Sweetie Pie on the spot. You're...'

'Going to ask him questions about his steps to success...'

'A bloke's point of view.' Dave's face fell.

'What? That wasn't part of the deal.' Millie stuck her tongue out.

'Tough...'

**10:40 pm, Question time for the Hornmeister**

RoRo was the first with her hand in the air. Dave gave her evils.

'RoRo...'

'David, what's your list? Besides flirting with a Kittykat for the rest of your life.'

'Arr... An easy one. Mine's the same as Rebecca and Millie's. It's Mutti's steps to success. So, 1. Find the one thing you excel at. That's being a laugh. 2. Decide where your life is going: aim high. I'm going to be a world famous comedian. 3. Do the work, but don't forget to play hard too. This is the flirting with Kittykat. 4. Success isn't born in a day, so be prepared to wait. Simple enough. 5. If the trail runs dry, never give up. It'll work out eventually. I've learnt this one, through experience. 6. Find a Knight in Shining Armour. Fall in love. Not really waiting for a Knight in Shining Armour, because firstly, I'm not on the turn and I've seen the type of Knights which my 'wonderful' sisters have attracted...' Millie hit him. 'And finally 7. Have fun. Have a Laugh. That's easy.'

Wow that's vair embarrassing... Kinda deep too, especially for my Davey.

**1 minute later**

Why does the Ace Gang insist on embarrassing me?

Jools asked Dave's if kids were on his plan. And Jas asked Dave, when he was planning on getting married.

Of course, Rebecca and Millie made Dave answer these questions.

'Jools, you really think a little Laugh would be a good idea...' Mabs sniggered.

'As long as it doesn't get Gee's nose.' I gave her evils.

'And getting hitched? That's not the Biscuits style.'

**2 minutes later**

Quietly ripping up my list.

Why did Dave's comment fill me with sadiosity?

**11:15, Break**

Dave walked over to the table. He gave the rest of the Ace Gang evils.

'You Cats are totally in my bad books.' He gave them the cold shoulder. 'Hey Kittykat.'

**1 minute later**

I left the classroom.

'Kittykat, were you going?'

**Nurse's Office**

I don't feel well.

The nurse took my temperature... Normal.

So, why do I feel, like I've got Angus sitting on my stomach?

**AN. I****'m going to write a vair short fanfic about Gee and Dave's Wedding Day. The Ace Gang have grown up, but are they full of maturiosity now or just complete utter fules. Anywho thumbs up, or thumbs down for this idea: give me a quick review with opinions. Hope you enjoy this update. Love RoxanneCullen. **


	18. One Smart Cookie

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

**18. ****One Smart Cookie **

**11:32 am, My Bedroom**

I didn't tell the Ace Gang or Dave that I've been set home.

Dave keeps texting me, but I haven't replied.

_Kitten, where did you go? Dave x._

_Kittykat. Please text back. You're scaring me. Davey. xx._

_Georgia. Please, I'm going off my head._

**3 minutes later**

I texted Dave back

_The nurse sent me home. I wasn't feeling well. Gee._

_Oh... Davey come see Kittykat when he can escape. Love you._

**10 minutes later**

Dave's arrived. He stuck his head through my bedroom door.

'Awww... My poor little Kittykat's got the lurgy.'

**1 minute later**

Dave had brought me flowers.

He placed them on my desk, before sitting next to me.

I rested my head on his shoulder: I still had the words he said, running through my head. _'And getting hitched? That's not the Biscuits style.'_

**1 minute later**

Dave tried to snog me. I turned away, so he kissed me on the cheek. I haven't done this to Dave, since the Red Herring fandango. He raised his eyebrows.

'Georgia, what's wrong?'

'Nothing. I'm sicky-poo.'

'Hmmm...'

**4 minutes later**

'Do you really, not want to get married? Like not ever.' Dave smirked.

'Arr... I see.' Dave kissed me on the conk. 'Kittykat, you still have much to learn from the Hornmeister... Blokes don't share their touchy feelings. It was hard enough for me to say I love you. I'm not going to admit; in front of a class full of girls, that I want to get married and have lots of mad children.'

A smile played on my lips.

**11:59 am**

Snogging Dave. Number 8.

**3 minute later**

'Kittykat should put her groovy lingerie on.' I raised my eyebrows: Dave raised his higher.

'Dave, are you mad? I wasn't born yesterday.'

'Just madly in love with you.' Wow...

**1 minute later**

Gone completely jelliod.

Dave's laughing. He has such a groovy-gravy laugh.

**5 minutes later**

I figured Mutti's gone out with Libs: Vati's at work, so I put the lingerie set on for Dave.

He's gone jelliod.

'Nrrrghh...' Hehe. Dave the Laugh has stupid brain.

'Davey. Have you got the horn?' His eyes never met mine.

'Nrrrghh.' Hmmm... I could get used to this.

**3 minutes later**

Snogging Dave. Number 5 and climbing.

**12:44 pm**

I've broken Dave the Laugh.

'Dave... Are you alright?' He sighed.

'Nrrrghh.' He's still jelliod. Woopies...

Hmmm... He wasn't like this last time we reached number 10.

**1 minute later**

Dave fell to sleep.

**4:20 pm**

Dave left after he'd woken up. He didn't say much: gave me a quick snog. Number 7.

'S'later Sex Kitty.' He still sounded vair divvy.

'Yeah... S'later Hornmeister.'

I watched him walk down the street.

**2 minutes later**

Phoned Jas.

'Hello...' Hunky answered.

'Hunky!'

'Hey Gee. I'll get Jas for you.'

'No! You're actually just the vole I wanted to talk to.'

Tom got confused.

'Why phone Jas' house then?'

'Never mind that: I've just broken Dave.'

'Broken Dave? Gee... What are you on about?'

'I broke Dave. He's acting all divvy.'

'What did you do?'

**1 minute later**

I've turned into a humongous red loon.

'I... Well... I mean... like... Dave and... Erm... I... we... we kinda... like... we skipped school... Actually... I... I was... well... I was feeling... like totally... sick... The... well... erm... the school nurse... she... like... I mean... she... erm... sent me home... Then... Dave... he... erm... I guess... skipped out... he... he... was helping... like... erm... he was helping... his... sisters... at... Stalag 14...'

**3 minutes later**

Tom stopped me dithering.

'Gee! Just tell me, what happened, before Dave started to act strange.'

'Erm... we... we... like... we reached...' I couldn't tell Tom. It was far too embarrassing.

'You reached number 10 again?'

'Well... erm... yes.' Are we that predictable?

**1 minute later**

Tom's laughing.

'Don't worry about him, Gee. He'll have a cold shower and be back to normal.' I sighed. Guess I could trust Hunky.

Friday, November 4

**German, 9:15 am **

Sat down next to Jas.

Hawkeye was vair surprised, to see me before the bell again, this morning. And in assembly Slim told us that we're going to have a Christmas Ball. The Foxwoods lads are even invited. I couldn't wait to see my Davey in the formal dress code. Hmmm... Does Sven own any formal clothes?

'Isn't the Ball going to be so fun, Gee?' I wasn't really listening, because I was thinking of Dave again. He'd test me this morning.

_Love you Kittykat. xxx. _The text didn't say anything else. I hope he's back to normal, well normal for Dave anyway.

'Gee! You're not listening to me!' I looked at Jas.

'I was.' Fine, so I lied.

'What did I say?'

'Erm...'

**5 minutes later**

Picking out colours for the Christmas Ball.

Jas insists on having light blue. It didn't take much persuasion, because no one else wanted that colour.

RoRo choose red. No one would argue with her.

Mabs choose green. And Jools choose pink.

**1 minute later**

I finally choose purple. Ellen's still undecided.

**9:55 am**

Rollo text me.

_Georgia. Whatever you did to Dave, you've totally broken him. He didn't even argue with our English teacher: and he always stands up to her. You're a very naughty Kittykat. Rollo._

_Sorry and don't call me Kittykat. Gee._

_You haven't seen him. He's staring out the window with a vacant expression on his face. He doesn't even move when we aim spit balls at him. If he doesn't snap out of it before lunch time he's going to be binned. Rollo._

So much for Dave being normal again.

**Bloggers, 10:15 am**

Sat next to Jools.

'What happened yesterday between you and Dave?' I acted, as if I didn't know, what she was talking about. 'Gee... Rollo text me saying, you've broken Dave.' I blushed, a little.

'We reached number 10 again, but it kind of made Dave divvy.' Jools smirked.

'Did he go jelliod? Rollo goes jelliod when we do number 9.' I nodded.

'Hmmm... That lingerie set you and RoRo forced me to buy made him go jelliod; then he got stupid brain and he didn't talk again. Accept for the occasional Nrrrghh.' Jools giggled.

**1 minute later**

The Ace Gang reckon I should phone Dave at break.

It's probably a good idea. I don't want him getting binned.

**Break, 11:20 am**

In the tart wardrobe. Phoning Dave.

**1 minute later**

'Hello Kittykat.' Yay... Davey's being Dave again. I giggled.

'You don't sound dopey anymore.'

'Indeed. The Barmy Army attacked me with a hose pipe. I'm soaked.'

'Oh... I'm sorry about that.'

'It's not your fault. I was the div.' I giggled.

'I like divvy Dave.'

'The Barmy Army don't. They said I was no fun.'

'I thought yesterday was fun.'

'Ooo-err... Kittykat that's very rude dudey.' I blushed.

'Have you heard about the Christmas dance thing?'

'Indeed. We weren't very impressed.'

'Why?'

'Because we have to act poncey.'

'Oh... So you don't want to... Like perhaps go with me.' Dave smirked.

'Hmmm... Don't know. I'll think about it.'

**1 minute later**

'Am I still staying over yours tonight?'

'If Sex Kitten wishes too.'

'Okay. I'll see you this arvie. Don't be late.'

'S'later Kitten. Remember, you can't be late until you show up.'

**12:40 pm**

In R.E. Texting Dave.

_What lesson you in? Gee. x._

_Chemistry. But I'm not allowed to touch the chemicals, because I made TNT last time. Rebecca told me how to make it. ._

_Why? Gee. xx._

_I was board and our nutty teacher left the room. We found the chemicals in the store. Sir went ballistic, but our Headmaster let me off the hook._

_Dave, what are your grades like? Rollo said they were good._

_Indeed. Jack the Biscuit is one Smart Cookie. But I gotta go now Kitty. Sir's starting to pick on me, because I'm not paying attention._


	19. Why's the room spinning?

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

**19. ****Why's the room spinning?**

**3:00 pm**

Davey's standing at the gate waiting for me. The rest of the Barmy Army were soaked. Dave must have gotten his own back. Davey was nice and dry. I literally ran over to him. He smiled, when he saw me.

'Hello Kittykat.'

**1 minute later**

Snogging Dave. Number 6.

**4 minutes later**

Walking down the hill. Arms linked with RoRo and Dave. RoRo's arm is linked with Sven: Dave's other arm is linked with Rollo, who's linked to Jools. Then there's Mabs, Ed, Dec, Ellen, Hunky and Po.

**2 minutes later**

Woopies... We've just ran over some poor OAP. He didn't even see it coming and got tangled up in our chain. We scrambled.

Running the rest of the way holding Dave's hand.

**5 minutes later, Outside my house**

Dave and I burst out laughing.

**1 minute later**

Snogging Dave. Number 5.

He sat me on the wall, so that he didn't have to slouch.

**4 minutes later**

'Dave, how did you get so tall?' He smirked.

'Maybe Kittykat shrunk in the wash.'

'Don't be a div. I haven't shrunk.' Dave just winked at me.

'Why doesn't Sex Kitten go get tarted up? Then her and the Biscuit can hang at his place, before the gig.'

**3 minutes later, My Bedroom**

Dave's sitting on my bed. I'm changing into the outfit that Millie and Rebecca brought me. Dave said Ja.M.O would be at his house right now, so I'd get to meet them before the gig.

Honestly, I just didn't want Dave to leave yet.

**1 minute later**

Dave watched me as I got dressed.

'Kittykat that's a very pretty dress.'

'Why thank you Mr. Laugh. What is the Biscuit wearing to the gig tonight?'

'The Biscuit has yet to decide.'

**3 minutes later**

Left Mutti a note.

_Staying over Jas' tonight. Georgia_

**3:43 pm, Dave's House**

Dave's front door was open. His house was very busy today.

'THE BISCUIT'S HOME!' Millie appeared from the living room.

'Sweetie Pie? Just in time...'

'In time for what?'

**4 minutes later**

Ja.M.O are vair gorgey. Sadly though, they're all betrothed... They're too old for me anyway: and besides I have the totally gorgey Hornmeister. I've pushed my red bottom aside with a firm hand.

Ja.M.O stands for James, Aaron, Matt and Owen.

James is their front man and bass guitarist. He has dark brown spiky hair, with dull blue eyes. Aaron, or Call-me-Ash, is their lead guitarist and occasional lead singer. He's got jet black hair with sparkly green eyes. Ooo... And a vair marvy Irish accent. Matt is their electric guitarist. He's the scariest. He has lots of piercings and tattoos, with bleach blonde hair and a fringe that falls across his eyes. And finally, Owen is their drummer. Owen has light brown spiky hair. He's deffo least intimidating.

**2 minutes later**

Millie introduced me to Ja.M.O: whilst Dave went to get change out of his school uniform.

'Guys, this is Georgia. She's Sweetie Pie's girlfriend.' Ash looked at Millie.

'Do you have to call him Sweetie Pie...? It must be ever so embarrassing for the poor fellow.'

**1 minute later**

Dave's Mutti just walked into the living room. She was holding a small girl with jet black hair. The little girl stared around the room, before staring at Ash.

'Da-dee...' Awww, she's ever so cute. Jane had placed her down on her own feet, meaning she toddled over to Ash. Ash picked her up.

'Hello Princess.' He was all smiley now. I watched, whilst Millie spoke.

'This is Ashleigh: she's Aaron's daughter. His wife is in London at the moment.'

**2 minutes later**

Dave appeared behind me. He wrapped his arm around my waist.

'Kittykat.' I grinned.

**4:00 pm, Dave's Bedroom**

Sat on Dave's lap. He's twiddling my hair.

'Have you met their wives?'

'Hmmm... Indeed. They're very pretty women.' I raised an eyebrow. 'They've got nothing on my Kittykat though.' I blushed: Dave chuckled.

**1 minute later**

Listening to Dave telling me about Ja.M.O's wives.

'Ash's wife's a professional ballerina: then Ash runs his family's farm. Hmmm... Owen's wife's a model, James' wife is a journalist and Matt's wife is a stay at home wife. Matt has three kids. They all live on Ash's farm.'

'So, they're well off.' Dave nodded.

'Ash won the lottery a few years back.' Wow...

**4:53 pm**

Stuck babysitting Ashleigh. Call-me-Ash has left with the rest of Ja.M.O to set up for the gig, which is at quarter past seven this evening.

**1 minute later**

Gadzooks... Dave's really vair good with Ashleigh.

She has him playing pretend games. She's dressed in a little princess dress, whilst Dave is pretending to be a dragon. I'm sat on the bed watching them.

'You're vair marvy with kiddies. You'd make a fabbity Vati.' Dave winked at me.

'I'm already the Vati.'

'Dave... That's not what I meant.'

Dave never replied. He just continued to play with Ashleigh.

**4 minutes later**

Ashleigh took fists full of Dave's hair. She's giggling.

'Giddy up, horsey.' She was currently sitting on Dave's back, pretending he was a horse.

Dave played along and crawled around the room with Ashleigh on his back. It was so vair cute.

**7:05 pm, Back of Millie's Car**

Millie's driving us to the Buddha Lounge. We left little Ashleigh with Dave's Mutti. Not that she wanted Dave to leave. He had to promise that he'd come back.

**7:20 pm**

We arrived at the Buddha Lounge after the rest of the Ace Gang. Dave managed to get into the middle of the Ace Gang's non-lessie group hug.

'Davey... What are you doing?'

'Feeling the lessie love.' He then kissed me on the conk, before vanishing.

The rest of the Ace Gang didn't want to hug after this.

**1 minute later**

Ja.M.O have already started to play. They're vair groovy.

I'm searching for the Hornmeister.

**2 minutes later**

Dave's at the bar with Millie and Rebecca.

'Sweetie! Do...'

'You like want a drink?'

**1 minute later**

Dave winked at me.

'Sex Kitten...' I smirked.

'Jack the Biscuit...' Millie turned to Dave.

'DAVID! DRINK? YES OR NO?' Dave gave Millie a death glare.

'YES!'

'What about Kittykat?'

'She'll have a cola.'

**5 minutes later**

Rebecca brought Dave alcohol. I sat watching him drink it.

'Sex Kitten may have a sip if she likes.' I shook my head. 'Suit yourself.'

'What does it taste of?'

'Snog me and find out.' Dave leaned forward: I felt my lips pucker.

**1 minute later**

Snogging Dave. Didn't last long. Alcohol doesn't taste vair marvy.

'How do you drink that? It's awful.' Dave laughed: I took a humongous glug of my cola.

'Tastes better than sheep's poo.' I raised my eyebrows.

'How do you know what sheep's poo tastes like?' You know what... I don't think I even want to know the answer to that question.

**7:45 pm**

Dave and I decided to join the Ace Gang and the Barmy Army on dance floor.

Ja.M.O played Ever Falling In Love, because Dave had asked them to.

**30 minutes later**

I'm all tuckered out.

Rebecca and Millie brought another round of drinks.

Dancing sure makes you thirsty.

**4 drinks later**

'Dave... Why's the room spinning?' And how did I end up on the floor?

Dave helped me to my feet. I fell straight into his arms.

'I'm going to kill those darling sisters of mine.' Kill? Why would he kill his sisters?

**1 minute later**

Hehe... Dave's ears are so funny.

**1 minute later**

How did I end up over Dave's shoulder? And why am I giggling?

'Where we going Davey?'

'We're taking Kittykat home.'

'Whyyy? I don't wanna goooo hoome.'

**8:35 pm, Back of Millie's Car**

Leaning against Dave's shoulder.

'Sweetie Pie... It's only a bit of vodka...'

'She'll like be totally fine in the morning.'

'But why Gee? Why not Rachel or Emma?'

'Because Gee's an honorary Laugh. Isn't she?'

'Yeah... She like gets the total family experience.'

**1 minute later**

I don't feel well.

'Davey, I feel sick.'

'Mills. Stop the car.'

**1 minute later**

Dave's holding my hair back, whilst I'm being sick on the kerb.

**8:53 pm, Dave's House**

Dave carried me up to his bedroom.

He placed me on the bed, before starting to change me into jimjams.

**5 minutes later**

Curled up in Davey's duvet: Dave smirked.

'Kittykat, can I get under the duvet too?'

**1 minute later**

Snuggled up next to Davey.

Saturday, November 5

**10: 12 am**

'Kittykat. Wakey, wakey.'

Blimey O'Reilly... My head hurts like billo.

'Go away.' Dave laughed quietly.

'I have aspirin for the Kittykat's head.'

**1 minute late**

Dave stroked my hair back, as I took the aspirin.

'Kittykat's first hangover.'

'I hate your sisters... What did I drink last night?'

'Hmmm... Vodka and Cola.'

**1 minute later**

Dave's cradling me against his chest.

'How about some breaky?'

'Please.' Dave smiled.

**2 minutes later**

Dave's gone to get some breaky.

I curled up in his duvet again. I'm so vair sl... zzzzzz.


	20. Snogging the Mail Man

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

**20. S****nogging the Mail Man**

**10:39 am**

'I thought Kittykat wanted breaky.' Dave poked me, until I opened my eyes.

'Let me sleep.' Dave smirked as I groaned.

'We shan't be giving Kittykat anymore booze. She's tres grumpy with a hangover.'

**1 minute later**

Eating breaky. It's really yummy.

Dave sat combing his fingers through my hair.

**4 minutes later**

Rebecca just walked into Dave's bedroom.

'Sweet Pie. I'm off now.' What? Rebecca's leaving.

'S'later.'

'You're leaving?' Dave and I spoke at the same time. Rebecca laughed.

'Indeed Kittykat. I'm going back to University. Mills is staying through.'

**1 minute later**

Rebecca tried to hug Dave. He just complained.

'Ewww... Get off. I'll catch Snob Syndrome.' Rebecca rolled her eyes.

'Whatever, Sweet Pie. Look after yourself... and Kittykat. I shall be very cross, if she's not around for Christmas.'

**1 minute later**

I'm going to miss Rebecca the Laugh vair much. She's the sanest member of the Laugh family. She told me to look after Dave. And that I can phone her, if I have any problems with the family. I promised I would.

**1 minute later**

Millie's annoying Dave. She wanted to pluck his eyebrows. Surprisingly he wouldn't let her. Nevertheless, she went to fetch her tweezers. She sat at Dave's mirror touching up her own eyebrows.

'Gee. You have a very nice shape to your eyebrows.' Dave made sicky noises.

'Mills. Can't you go bug that Italian Handbag of yours?'

'He had to pop out.'

**11:30 am**

'Your Spanish grade's el pantalones, Sweetie Pie.' Millie is flicking through Dave's latest school report.

'That's because Jack the Biscuit asks stupid questions.'

**3 minutes later**

_David is a well mannered member of the class 11b. He's always punctual and polite to others. He maintains high grades in all his classes even though he frequently has disagreements with his teachers. David will be very successful in his GCSE's and we have big plans for his future._

Gadzooks... Who is this 'David' they speak of?

_Current Academic Attainment_

_Mathematic - A: David has a certain flare when it comes to Maths. He's always first to first assignments and is willing to help others. He will go far with this mathematical ability and will definitely be able to study A level. For now he needs to continue working at the level he is currently working at: hopefully in the final exams he will achieve A*. _

_English Lit. - A: David is a delight to teach. He enjoys studying Shakespeare which has been our main focus for this term. We have every faith that he'll achieve the grades he deserves in his final exam and hope he'll consider English next year if he chooses to stay on._

_English Lang. - C: David has a problem with back chatting. He never listens to me and blames me when I send him out of the classroom. He jokes about and takes nothing seriously. He hasn't handed in a single piece of homework since the beginning of the year. If he keeps this behaviour up he will fail his GCSE's and end up as a hobo. _

_Chemistry - A*: I can't fault David ability in Chemistry, but he is very unprofessional in the lessons. He is still banned from all class practicals after the TNT incident. I am not impressed with his standard of maturity. That being said David is top of the class as far as grades are concerned and is very informative in all explanations. I've never be able to catch him off guard and I hope him all the best in his final exams. I would suggest that, even though he achieves in Chemistry, that he should not consider it at A level. _

_Physics - A: David is a pleasure to teach. He brings a little fun into the classroom, as well as, an intellectual mind. I hope to see him in my A level class next year where I'm sure he'll thrive towards success._

_Spanish - D: I feel David takes my lessons as a doss. He always asks stupid questions, for translations which he need not know. I hope that next term he'll grow up and take Spanish seriously. It would be a shame to see his grade suffer in the final exams, because he can't behaviour or concentrate on the course topics long enough to learn the material._

_French - A*: David is a bien. He really grasps languages with the same enthusiasm as his sisters. He is the only member of the class who is almost fluent. I have no doubt that he'll achieve the A* in his final exams. He is an absolute pleasure to teach: always in a good mood. I know that he'll go far. Well done David._

_Religious Edu. - B: David isn't the most religious of people and has strong views of his own. He however is very tolerant and is will to learn about our cultures. He'll do well in his final exams, because his memory is spot on. He just has to remember to use the correct terminology. That means no 'pants' in the exam. Good luck David._

_Physical Edu. - A*: Dave is a smashing athlete. He plays for the school footie term and never gives up. He is a gracious sports man. He understands all aspects of the anatomy syllabus, but I suspect this isn't down to my teaching alone. Last term Dave helped out at the pee-wee footie club we held every Wednesday's after school. He will make an amazing primary school teacher, if his dreams for a comedian don't work out. For now he needs to keep fit, keep working out, and concentrate on getting his final exams nailed. You're a really great kid Dave. I expect tickets to your first stand up show for all the hard work I've put into getting you this far. _

_Business Studies - A: David has a real business head on his shoulders. Particularly in the financial side of things. He would make an amazing accountant if only he could sit still for longer than five minutes at a time. I really hope him all the best and hope I'll see him next year in A levels._

_ICT - A*: David is going to end up in jail. This term saw his fourth successful virus spread through the schools computer network. Codename 'Kittykat' was a nightmare to get off of our system and we eventually had to wipe everything and start again. He'll make an outstanding computer programmer and possibly a hacker. It also seems that this virus affected everyone's grades accept his own. He therefore has the highest grade in the class. And detention every Monday lunch and break time. _

_History - A: Not sure why Dave chose to take History, but he is fabulous at it. He really understands how to analysis sources and writes captivating essays. I would totally agree if Dave choose to take the subject next year._

**12:00 pm**

Speechless.

**2 minutes later**

Dave snogged me. Number 5.

**3 minutes later**

'Who's this David they're talking about?' Millie laughed: whilst Dave gave me evils.

'The Biscuit will pretend he didn't hear that.' I laughed.

'But Davey... You're a laugh. Rollo said you mess around in school.'

'Gee. We all like messed about. It's just we get away with murder.' Wow... I wish I was a laugh.

**1 minute later**

Erlack... Hold on I take that back. That would make the Hornmeister my brother. That would be tres tres gross: seeing as we snog.

**1:00 pm**

Dave walked me home after I'd sobered up.

Mutti watched us out the window as we snogged. Number 6.

'Catch you later Kittykat.'

'Not if I catch you first.'

'That shan't happen as Kittykat is slow.'

**1 minute late**

Dave snogged me again, before I had chance ignorous vousing him.

I wasn't slow he's just too fast. Hmmm... nip libbling.

'Nrrrghh...' A cheeky grin appeared on Dave's face.

'Be a good Kittykat whilst the Hornmeister's away. No snogging the mail man.' And with that he was gone. Riding his camel back up the street. He's such a fule.

**3 minute later, My Bedroom**

Mutti barged into the room.

'Georgia, Darling?'

'Dearest Mutti. To what do I owe the pleasure?' She raised her eyebrows.

'You and David are getting very close.'

'Indeed.'

**4 minutes later**

Erlack. Mutti just tried to give me the talk.

'Mutti. I don't need to hear this.'

'But you do Georgia. Honey, when you're alone with a boy he'll be thinking about certain things. About how...' I stuck my fingers in my ears.

'THE HILLS ARE ALIVE...'

**1 minute later**

Mutti left the room.

**5:00 pm**

Phoned Jas.

She didn't answer: so I phoned RoRo instead.

'Bonjour Kittykat. How may I be of service?'

'I require conversation from my umber cool pally.'

'What about Jazzy?'

'Arr... Well our vole frwend is tres ignoring my calls.'

'Arr... She be with Hunky.' I giggled.

'Or counting her owl collection.'

'Maybe her owl collection is watching voley porn.'

**1 minute later**

RoRo hung up.

Leaving me with a vair erlack image of Hunky and Po.

**9:02 pm**

Stupid RoRo. Stupid Hunky and Po: get out of my head.

I'm never going to sleep with this im... zzzz

Sunday, November 6

**11:12 am**

It's raining.

Angus is annoying the Prat Poodles, who are hiding in their kennel.

He's gone into the kennel, meaning the Prat Poodles are now out in the rain.

They won't go in there whilst Angus is around.

**11:45 am**

'GEORGIA! WE'RE GOING TO YOUR GRANDFATHER'S! DO YOU WANT TO COME?'

'WHAT KIND OF A QUESTION IS THAT? OF COURSE I DON'T.'

**1 minute later**

Vati's grumbling about his ungrateful daughter.

Hmmm... What I should wear in case Dave decides to catch me today?

**3 minutes later**

Skirt or playsuit?

The skirt oozes maturiosity: but the playsuit is deffo Sex Kitten.

**1 minute later**

Maybe I should stay in my jimjams.

No... I'll wear the playsuit.

**12:01 pm**

Soaking in the bath. Haven't had a good soak in ages.

**12:43 pm**

Drying off. You utter fules: I'm out of the bath now. Why else would I be drying off?

**1:12 pm**

Pinned my hair up in ringlets. I'm going for the umber cute look.

Bit of pale eye shadow and pink lippy: water proof mascara, foundation and brown eyeliner.

**10 minutes later**

My mobile rang. It's Millie.

'Hey Mills.'

'Gee...' She sounded upset.

'Millie, what's wrong?'

'Gee. It's Dave... He fell down the stairs: he's in hospital.'

_**A.N. **__**So a filler chapter, but some interesting information about Dave's school grade. I'm thinking about doing a chapter or two in Dave's POV. What do you guys think? I hope everyone won't be too upset about Dave ending up in hospital. It wasn't an easy decision for me, but the story needed a twist. I promise everything will work out. GeeXDave all the way. Love RoxanneCullen**_


	21. Hurtling down the Hill

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

**21.**** Hurtling down the Hill in a Wheelbarrow**

**1:37 pm, the Hospital**

Millie picked me up in her car: she looked vair upset.

'Is he alright?' She looked at me, but shook her head.

Tears came to my eyes. 'What? But...' I couldn't finish my sentence.

'He's awake, but he doesn't remember anything. He thinks mom's his doctor and that my names Maria.'

**1 minute later**

Millie's crying: I just stared out the windscreen.

Dave won't know who I am. He won't remember that he loved me.

I bit hard into my lip whilst tears flooded my eyes.

**1 minute later**

Millie handed me a packet of tissues. 'Shall we go see him?' I nodded.

**5 minutes later**

We reached the ward that Dave's on.

Call-me-Jane is there: she'd been crying. She smiled at us.

'He remembers that bloody camel.' She started to cry again: Dave's Vati appeared beside her.

'Come on. Let's get you some fresh air.' He took Jane away. Millie took hold of my hand.

**1 minute later**

Dave was arguing with the nurse, when we entered the ward.

'HE DOES LIKE THE CRUST! SOMEONE ALWAYS CUTS THE CRUSTS OFF FOR HIM!'

'David... I insist you calm down or I'm going to fetch the doctor.'

'WHO'S DAVID?'

**1 minute later**

Millie went to help the nurse.

'Hey Sweetie Pie. I'll cut the crusts off for your camel.'

I haven't move from the door.

Millie cut the crusts off of Dave's sandwiches: he smiled.

'Thank you, Maria.' Millie raised her eyebrows.

'David... I'm Millie. Your sister.'

'Maria that girl's staring at me.' He was referring to me: Millie frowned.

'You don't remember Gee?' Dave thought for a second, but shook his head.

**3 minute later**

Sat in the chair at Dave's bedside.

Millie's trying to jolt his memory; but he keeps glancing at me.

'Do you remember Rollo or Tom? You're mates... You and Rollo used to try and swing over the top of the swing set. He fell off and cracked his head open. You thought that was very funny.'

Dave just shook his head, whilst staring at me.

'Why is she crying?' I wiped my eyes: Millie frowned again.

'She was hoping you'd remember her.'

'Who is she?'

'Someone very important to you.'

**5 minutes later**

You could see on Dave face that he was frustrated. He was desperately trying to remember.

I just couldn't face it. I just wanted the Hornmeister back.

He didn't find anything funny. All the stories Millie told him: he didn't remember, nor did he laugh.

**2:21 pm, Jas' House**

I'd left the hospital, because seeing Dave just made me sad.

Hunky answered the door at Jas' house. I still had tears in my eyes.

'Georgia...What's wrong?' I hugged Hunky. 'Erm... JAS!'

**3 minutes later, Jas' Bedroom**

Snuggled up in Jas' bed.

'Gee. What happened?' I wiped my eyes on Jas' duvet.

'Dave... Dave... He...'

**4 minutes later**

Tom phoned Millie.

His face fell when she told him.

'So, he doesn't remember anything?'

Jas hugged me. 'Right, but not Georgia. Millie, I'll leave Georgia with Jas and come see him.'

Hunky hung up: he looked at Jas. 'Dave's in hospital... He fell down the stairs and knocked himself out. He doesn't remember anything or anyone. I'm going to go see him.' Jas gasped.

**1 minute later**

Hunky's gone.

Jas has phoned the Ace Gang.

She's being vair nice to me. She let me eat all the red midget gems: and her share of the jammie dodgers.

'I'm sure his memory will come back.' I just stared at her and wiped my eyes.

'He remembers his stupid camel, but he doesn't remember that he loves me.'

**2:35 pm**

The Ace Gang have arrived.

They've already heard, so I've been sandwiched in the middle of a group hug.

I wish Dave was here... My Dave. Not the one that's sitting in the hospital.

**1 minute later**

'Rollo's gone with Tom to try jog Dave's memory.' I smiled a little at Jools, but ended up crying.

'Gee. Please don't cry. You're getting my owls all wet.'

**1 minute later**

We all threw owls at Jas.

RoRo's now wearing her bread.

'Maybe Kittykat will have to help Dave remember.'

**1 minute later**

Writing a list of everything that's happened to me and Dave.

_1. The lesbian incident with Peter Dyer. Red Herring incident with Robbie._

_2. The camping trip when I fell in the river. And Dave snogged me._

_3. The first time Dave told me he loved me._

_4. Dancing to Ever Fallen In Love_

_5. Fisticuffs with Masimo after I did the twist with Dave._

_6. Snogging in the phone box. Snogging in the bushes. Snogging in RoRo's closet._

_7. Sitting on Dave's wall in the rain._

_8. Tug of War with the Hornmeister. Me and Wet Lindsey fighting over him._

_9. That voice mail when I told Dave I loved him._

_10. The hotel room in London. Hint is the number for this one._

Thinking about this list made me cry again.

**3:30 pm**

The Ace Gang took me home.

Jas explained to Mutti, who now being vair nice. She made me hot chocolate and some really yummy macaroni cheese.

**3:54 pm**

Phoned Robbie. Tom had already told him about Dave.

'I'm so sorry Georgia.'

'Do you think he'll ever remember me?'

'I don't know Gee. I know that he loves you... maybe he'll find out that he loves you.'

'But I need him now.'

'Why don't you ask him to go that school dance you're having?'

'Because he said he didn't want to go. And now he won't even want to go, even if he's going with me... I don't even want to go, if I can't have my Dave back.'

'Don't say that. He's still your Dave: and if he doesn't have his memory back by then, I'll take you to the dance. Just as friends.'

'Thanks Robbie.'

**5:00 pm**

I sat talking to Robbie for a long time.

He just let me cry and listened to me. It was really nice to talk to him.

**1 minute later**

Robbie had to go.

'S'later Gee. I hope Dave feels better soon.'

'Yeah... Me too. Bye.'

'Georgia. Do me a favour? Cheer up. He's not dead: he's still in there somewhere.' I smiled: Robbie was right.

**1 minute later**

Wow... Four miss calls.

Phoned Jas back.

'GEORGIA! Why didn't you answer your phone?'

'Jas, calm down... I was talking to Robbie. What did you want?'

'Oh. Erm... Hu-Tom's back from the hospital. He wanted to speak to you.'

'Put him on.'

**1 minute later**

Speaking to Hunky.

'Thanks for telling Robbie about Dave. It saved some time.'

'That's alright... He's still really confused at the hospital.'

'Has he remembered anything else?'

'Not really. He kept calling Rollo, Rolland: which Rollo was horrified to hear.' I signed. 'He asked us were you'd gone.'

'Really?' I had started to smile, but it didn't last long.

'Yeah... He wanted to know where 'that girl' went. We guessed he meant you.'

'Oh.'

**5:16 pm**

The doorbell rang.

'GEORGIA! SOMEONES AT THE DOOR FOR YOU!'

**1 minute later**

Millie appeared in my bedroom doorway.

'GEE! I BROUGHT SOMETHING'S TO CHEER YOU UP!' She held up a bag: I smirked.

'Unless you have Dave in there and he has he's memories back, I doubt it'll change my mood.'

**1 minute later**

I love being an honorary Laugh. Millie had brought me a bunch of things, which actually made me feel better.

1. One of Dave's old t-shirts, which still smells of him. I put this on over my playsuit.

2. An old baby blanket which belongs to Dave.

3. Lots of photos of Dave.

4. One of Dave's old journals.

5. Giant cookies which she'd baked herself. They're vair yummy.

**8:00 pm**

Reading Dave's old journal.

_Kittykat got hurt in Hockey, so I wheeled her home in a wheelbarrow. Thought I was going to lose hold of the wheelbarrow as I wheeled it down the hill. That could have been a laugh. Running after Kittykat, whose hurtling down the hill in a wheelbarrow. She might have not liked it very much when she hit the road at the bottom. I should__'__ve carried her really. Her nungas would have squished me though._

**1 minute later**

His journal entries make me smile even though some of them bring tears to my eyes.

_Kittykat and I went for coffee today. I__'__m not sure why I let Gee lead me on. I know she__'__ll always go back to the Handbag horse. She just affects me in a way which I really don__'__t understand. Tom thinks I__'__m in love with her. I normally give him the cold shoulder when he brings it up. _

_She seemed uncomfortable when we entered Luigi__'__s. I pulled her chair out for her. She wasn__'__t really paying attention, so I spoke._

'_Now then, even though you treat me bad, what would you like Ms Gorgeous?__'__ She went a little red and had a Gee moment. I love her Gee moments. She gets all flustered and you know she__'__s thinking hard about something__._

'_I think I love you.__' __Hadn__'__t even thought about it before the words left my mouth. Gee turned to look at me. I lighten the mood by quickly ramming my red nose on. Gee gave me a very strange look._

**9:45 pm**

Zzzzzz...

Monday, November 7

**8:40 am**

Bugger... I'm late. Running to Jas' house.

**2 minutes later**

Why is she just sitting on the wall?

'JAS! MOVE WE'RE GOING TO BE LATE!'

'Gee. You're not crying?' She tried to hug me.

'Erlack... Get off you lessie.' Jas smiled.

**8:55 am, Stalag 14**

Assembly. Snuck in the back, because Jas and I are late.

**9:15 am**

Must be our lucky day, because neither Hawkeyes nor Wet Lindsay noticed we were late.

**1 minute later**

Miss. Wilson is trying to teach us the art of perfect exam technique.

RoRo's painting her toenails.

'Will Kittykat be seeing the Hornmeister tonight?'

'Afraid it isn't so RoRo.'

'Erm... like... Why... like not?'

'Ellen, he's all confused and doesn't remember anything.'

'But... He, well, he like... I think he still... Like loves you.'

'And I love him but I can't face him when he calls me 'that girl'.'

**12 minutes later**

Text from Millie.

_Sweetie Pie wants to know if you'll be there tomorrow when they let him out of hospital. Millie._

_I don't know Mills. Gee_

_He'd really like for you to be there. He says he feels better when you're around, but he doesn't know why. We'd could tell him that you're his girlfriend? M_

_Can you tell him? Are you at the hospital now?_

_You want me to tell him now? M_

_Yeah... Just don't mention that he calls me, Kittykat. That way I'll know if his memory truly comes back._

_Okay. I'm on it. See you tomorrow = ) M_

**Breaktime **

Toasting our knickers on the heated.

'Who were you texting first lesson?' Jas passed me the midget gems: I took a handful.

'Millie the Laugh... She wants to know if I'm going to see Dave tomorrow arvie.'

'Erm... well, like... are you... like going to see... erm... like him.'

'Oui. Mills is going to tell him that we're dating.'

I was looking forward to seeing Dave again.

**11:20 am**

We got caught by the Hitler Youths.

**1 minute later**

Lindsey gave me detention. She didn't give the rest of the Ace Gang detention: just me.

Not sure if the detention upset me; or if I'm feeling glum, because Dave won't remember all the times we've snogged.

**11:32 am, German**

I sat in third lesson thinking about Dave.

I knew he wouldn't snog me tomorrow. He'd probably be vair quiet: it's going to be a vair awkward fandango.

**5 minutes later**

RoRo threw a note at my head. I looked up: she gave me a swift thumbs up.

_Jas wants to know if you're okay. She's going to speak to Hawkeye about the detention. RoRo._

_I'm fine... I miss Dave. Tell Jas not to worry about the detention. I don't want to give Lindsay that sort of satisfaction. Besides Miss. Wilson is doing detentions today. Gee_

**Lunch, 1:30 pm**

Detention. I didn't mind: Miss Wilson wasn't paying attention.

It's been a long day.

**1:40 pm**

Millie text me.

_I've told Dave. He's a little shocked, but I'd say he was pleased. M._

_What did he say? I want to hear his exact words. Gee_

_His words. 'Really? I'm dating her, but... but she's so beautiful. How did that happen?' M _

Millie's response made me smile. Dave said I was beautiful.

**2:00 pm, Blogger**

Felt so much better now. The Ace Gang have noticed.

'Someone's happier... Detention can't be all that bad.' I hugged Jas.

She pushed me back. 'Get off.'

'Mills told Dave that we're dating. He said I was beautiful.' Jas smiled.

'Gee that's great.'

**3:00 pm**

The Barmy Army, minus Dave are waiting at the gate.

I really want to see Dave now.

**1 minute later**

The Ace Gang are all snogging their betrothed... Erlack.

**10 minutes later, My Bedroom**

Hot water bottle, Dave's old t-shirt, blanket, and hot chocolate.

**1 minute later**

My mobile rang. It's Millie.

'Hey Gee. I'm using the hospital phone, because Dave won't let me leave.'

'How is he today?'

'You know same as always. He's a bit perkier since I told him he has a stunning girlfriend. How is Gee today?'

'Better, but I miss Dave.' Millie chuckled.

'You can see him tomorrow. He's looking forward to it. He has lots of questions.'

**1 minute later**

'Mills. Can you tell Dave, I miss him?'

'Why don't you tell him yourself?' Her voice faded a bit. 'Sweetie Pie. Gee's wants to talk to you.'

I heard Dave speak to Mills.

'What do I say?' Millie chuckled.

'She misses you Sweetie. Just talk to her, she'll answer those questions you had.'

**1 minute later**

Dave took the phone.

'Hello...'

'Hey Dave. How's your head today?'

'Erm... Better.'

'So, you're coming home tomorrow? I'll come see you after Stalag 14.'

'Hmmm... How long have we been dating?' I smiled.

'Well, officially around three weeks. But it's been a vair long time in the making.'

'Oh... Do we snog?' I laughed.

'Frequently. You haven't forgotten how to snog, have you?'

'Guess we'll see tomorrow.' I giggled.

'I'll let you go now. Sleep well.'

'Bye Gee.'


	22. Do I have Superpowers?

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

**22. Do I have S****uperpowers?**

Tuesday, November 8

**10:20 am**

Why has no one woke me up? I scrambled around getting dressed.

I've never been this late to Stalag 14. Hawkeye would put me in detention for the rest of my life.

**3 minutes later**

Dashing out the front door.

'GEORGIA!' I paused at the gate.

'WHAT MUTTI? I'M LATE FOR SCHOOL!'

**1 minute later**

Mutti came to the door in her see through nightie.

'It's closed, Hun. There's been a water leak. Jas phoned earlier.'

Fabbity... A day off school.

**1 minute later, My bedroom**

Phoning Millie.

'Hey Gee.'

'Hey Mills. Is Dave still coming out of hospital today?'

'Yep.' She popped the 'p'. 'The consultant's seeing him at eleven. Where are you?'

'At home... Stalag 14 has a bit of a flood going on.' Millie laughed.

'B and me flooded the science labs in our final year. We clogged the sink with potato chips.'

**4 minutes later**

Going to meet Dave at eleven o'clock. Mills is taking me to the hospital.

Hmmm... What to wear?

Black skinny jeans with zips at the bottom. Or woolly tights with biker boots and tartan skirt.

**10 minutes later**

Tartan skirt with woolly tights and biker boots.

I also have a leather jacket to wear over the fab printed t-shirt that I'm wearing.

I tied my hair in piggies: and backcombed them.

Makeup I shall do smoky black eyes with black mascara and eyeliners. Pale lippy.

**10:40 am**

Millie's early. She was vair excited this morning.

'Hey Gee...' You ready to go.

'You're early.' She laughed.

'Indeed. I thought we'd go buy Dave some choccy and flowers first.' I raised my eyebrows.

'Flowers?'

'Yeah.'

**12 minutes later, the Corner Shop**

Mills has chosen the chocolate that Dave likes. She told me to choose flowers.

I stood staring at the rack of flowers.

What kind of flowers should I pick?

'Gee... He likes the colour red.'

'Why do we have to buy him flowers?'

'Because it'll make him laugh. He's got his sense of humour back.'

I looked at her.

'Really?' Mills nodded.

'He was laughing with Dad this morning. Mom told me over the phone.' I started to smile.

**10:56 am, the Hospital**

The doctors with Davey: Millie and I waited outside. Call-me-Jane is hovering.

'Jeff said he's alright to come home. He's just giving him a check up.'

**9 minutes later**

The doctors finished with Dave. Millie pushed me into the room: she didn't follow me.

Dave was sitting on the bed. He's dressed to leave.

'Hey Dave.' He turned to look at me before smiling.

'Gee.' I was hoping he'd say Kittykat but I guess not. 'Me and my camel are ready to leave.'

I walked over to him. I stood in front of him: wrapped my arms around his neck.

'We brought you choccy.' Dave grinned.

'You look very beautiful today.' He kissed me quickly on the lips. 'Sorry.' I giggled.

'No... Thank you. You looked gorgey: even with the bandage.'

**11:15 am**

Sat in the back of Millie's car: Dave's all smiley.

He keeps glancing at me.

'Dave you're beginning to creep me out.'

This time his eyes stayed on me.

'Smile for me.' I raised an eyebrow.

'Why?'

'I remember a smile. I would like to see if it's yours.'

**1 minute later**

'Something wrong?' Dave frowned at my smile.

'You're doing that odd thing with your nose.'

'You remember that?'

He nodded. He remembers how I suck my nose in when I smile.

**1 minute later**

Millie spoke.

'Doctor Manning told him he'd start to remember the things that he found amusing.'

'And I find Gee's smile amusing, because she's far too self conscious about her nose.'

I gave Dave evils but I was glad that he'd started to remember things.

**11:29 am, Dave's Bedroom**

Dave sat in his bed: ordering me about.

'Gee, I need a drink.' I handed him his drink which was right next to him.

'Hornmeister, you're enjoying this far too much.' He gave me a funny look.

'Hornmeister?' Bugger. I forgot he doesn't remember much.

**1 minute later**

'Erm... That's your nickname. Do you remember the Horn?' Dave started to laugh.

'Indeed. How did we meet?'

**7 minutes later**

I rambled on and on about my red bottomosity, red herrings, snogging in the bushes and the way of the horn.

'What do I call you? Do you have a nickname?'

'Hmmm... I have two, but if you don't mind, I'd like you to try and remember them by yourself.'

'Oh okay. Can you get that t-shirt off the floor? It's annoying me.' I sighed.

**1 minute later**

I've turned into Davey's maid.

Picked the t-shirt up off the floor.

'Have you always been this gullible, Gee?' What was Dave talking about?

**1 minute later**

Bugger... Figured it out. He's staring at my botty.

I threw the t-shirt at him: he laughed. 'I'm sorry. I'm still wondering why you're with me.'

'Because you're flipping mad.' Dave continued to smile.

'No you're mad.' My face fell. 'What?'

'You remember that too.' He raised an eyebrow.

'I guess so.'

**12:00 pm, Lunchtime**

Millie cooked spag-bol. Dave didn't speak much.

'Sweetie Pie is very quiet?' Dave looked up.

'Am I normally quite loud?' Millie laughed.

'You bet.'

'Oh, well I have some more questions for Gee.'

**1 minute later**

Would love to be in Dave's head: just for one day. It's utterly bonkers.

'Do I have superpowers?' Millie smirked.

'Why would you tell us if you like had superpowers?' Dave looked at me.

'Has Gee ever been saved by a masked man?' I laughed.

'No Dave... Never.' He frowned.

**15 minutes later**

More awkward questions from Dave. Millie is washing up but still listening.

'Am I a good boyfriend?'

'Yes. A vair marvy horn partner.'

'What feature do I most like about you?'

'Erm... I think that must be my nunga-nungas.'

'What feature do you like most about me?'

'Erm... Your eyes.' I was so tempted to say his botty, but I felt that was vair promiscuous.

Dave sat quiet for a second.

'Am I a virgin?' I turned umber bright red: Millie started to laugh. 'What?'

'No Sweetie pie, you're not a virgin.' Dave looked sort of pleased with Mills' answer.

'With who? Gee?' I nodded: Dave smile widened.

'Wish I could remember that.'

**1 minute later**

I have red loon-osity and Dave keeps giving me cheeky looks.

'You're very beautiful when you blush.' I gave him evils. 'What?'

**12:45 pm, Dave's Bedroom**

'Gee, is anyone else coming to see me today?' He was sat on his Xbox.

Guess there's some things that guys never forget. I sat watching him from the bed.

'Suppose you're mates will be around later.'

'How many mates do I have?' I smirked.

'Erm... Rollo, Tom, Ed, Dec and Sven.'

'Oh. Who are your friends?'

'Radio Jazzy, RoRo the Viking Bribe, Ellen, Jools and Mabs.'

**5 minutes later**

Convinced Dave to play a game that I'd be able to play.

It was actually a lot of fun. Dave even let me win occasionally.

**1:30 pm**

'DAVID! YOU HAVE VISITORS!' The Barmy Army have arrived: minus Sven who was with RoRo.

**1 minute later**

Rollo, Tom, Ed and Dec burst through Dave's bedroom door and landed in pile on the floor.

I laughed, whilst Dave raised his eyebrows.

'Little eager aren't we guys.' They all scrambled to their feet.

**4 minutes later**

I have a feeling that the Barmy Army had rehearsed exactly what they were going to tell Dave.

Ed said Dave owed him ten quid: Dave handed ten quid over.

Rollo said that Dave always did his homework for him.

And they all helped themselves from things in Dave's room. They claimed that Dave had borrowed them.

I sat on the bed giving them evils, whilst they took full advantage of Dave.

**1:59 pm**

Mills is such a laugh.

She appeared in the doorway and flirted with the Barmy Army until they admitted their plan.

They then sat on Dave's bed with goldfish expressions.

**1 minute later**

I can't get Tom, Dec, Ed nor Rollo to talk. I looked at Dave: he was laughing.

Dave's vair gorgy when he laughs.

**4 minutes later**

Snogging Dave. Number 5.

Dave just went along with it.

**1 minute late**

Dave raised his eyebrows.

'What?' He smirked.

'Do you always snog me like that?' I turned a little red. Bugger... I forgot he doesn't remember.

'Erm... Well... I... I... Hmmm... Yeah.'

**1 minute later**

The Barmy Army have eventually started to talk again.

'What do you remember?'

'Not much at all. It's all blurry. I know that Gee is my beautiful girlfriend. That his names Rolland and that's Tom. I don't know who you two are. I have an imaginary pet camel. I don't have superpowers. And I'm not a virgin.'

**1 minute later**

Red loonosity strikes again.

**2 minutes later**

Fabbity... The Ace Gang have arrived. Jazzy's being all caring.

'Are you feeling better Dave?'

'Yes actually I'm feeling much better. But who are you?' Jas smiled.

'I'm Jas: Gee's best friend.'

**5 minutes later**

Barmy Army are playing on Dave's Xbox

And when I say playing, I mean Rollo and Dave are playing whilst Tom, Ed and Dec are shouting abuse at the TV.

I'm sitting with the Ace Gang on Dave's bed. Chatting about the type of dresses we should buy for the Christmas Ball.

**7 minutes later**

We're going to buy princess style dresses. And we're making the guys wear matching tuxes.

**2 minutes later**

Thwack...! Oh no, not again.

_**A.N. **__**Next Chapter which I'll be starting tonight and finishing Friday will be in Dave's POV. Hope you lobe this chapter and keep on reviewing. Love RoxanneCullen **_


	23. Having a Gee Moment  Dave's POV

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

**23. Having a Gee Moment |Dave's POV|**

**2:30 pm**

The room went dark for a split second but then I saw my Kittykat's gorgey eyes.

'DAVE! ARE YOU ALRIGHT?' Why is Kittykat shouting?

Ouch!

**1 minute later**

I'd hit my head. Again.

Mutti's shining a light in my eyes. And Gee's cutting off the circulation in my right hand.

'Okay Pookie. I don't think you've given yourself concussion this time... But you've got to come tell me, if you start feeling sick.'

I rubbed the back of my head.

'Will do.'

**1 minute later**

Staring at Kittykat. 'Kittykat. You can let go now.'

Gee didn't let go of my hand: she just stared back at me.

I raised an eyebrow. 'Georgia. Did you hear me?' She nodded.

**2 minute later**

'Nrrrghh...' I smirked.

Kittykat's having a Gee moment.

'Arr... Kittykat has ye ole' stupid brain.'

**1 minute later**

Snogging Kittykat.

**2 minutes later**

Phwoar... Kittykat gives me the horn.

I placed my hands on Kittykat's botty. She didn't realise until I applied pressure.

She whimpered against my lips. 'Arr... Kittykat likes?' I muttered.

**1 minute later**

Cheeky minx is pulling me towards the bed.

**2:40 pm**

Didn't let Gee push me onto the bed.

'Sex Kitten. Stop being such a minx.' She'd started to nuzzle my neck which I quite enjoyed.

I let Kittykat nuzzle my neck for a little longer.

She had to stop eventually. Right?

**2:51 pm**

'You remember Kittykat?' I raised an eyebrow.

'Indeed... She's my umber gorgey horn partner. Why wouldn't I remember my fair Kittykat?'

'You lost your memory.' I raised my other eyebrow.

'Really?'

'Yes... Come on Dave, don't you remember?'

'Not really.' Gee started to laugh. What was so funny?

**1 minute later**

Sitting in bed with Kittykat on my lap. I ran my fingers through Gee's hair. She has very beautiful hair.

'I wonder where the Ace Gang and Barmy Army have gone.'

There goes my Kittykat: thinking aloud again.

'It would seem the Ace Gang fled when Sex Kitten was dragging the Hornmeister towards the bed.'

'Sorry.' Gee had turned bright red. 'It's just kind of nice to have my Davey back.'

'Why? Where did he go?'

'David forgot about him. David wasn't funny nor cute.'

'Arr... So now I'm funny and cute.' Gee nodded.

'And tres tres rudey dudey in a cheeky sort of way.' She then tried to wink at me.

**2 minutes later**

Gee makes me laugh so much.

'Kittykat you're mad.'

'No. You're mad.'

'Yes I am.'

**1 minute later**

Snogging Gee again.

**3 minutes later**

I believe a bit of fondling is in order. Or as the Ace Gang call it number 8.

Girls can be a very confusing fandango.

**1 minute later**

Gee's gone jelliod. I can tell because she's no longer supporting her own weight.

Any minute now I shall be crushed under her humongous nunga-nungas. What a way to go?

'Sex Kitten your nunga-nungas are crushing Jack the Biscuit.'

'Nrrrghh...'

**2 minutes later**

Gee's lying across my bed. She's very quiet except for the occasional giggle.

'Kittykat...' I ran my fingers down her cheek. 'Don't make me blow raspberries on your tummy.'

Gee giggled again. So I lifted her top and blew hard onto her stomach.

She screamed.

**1 minute later**

Trying to make Gee laugh but she's refusing to pay attention because I blew on her tummy.

'Kittykat can't ignore the Hornmeister forever... What about when she wants a good ole' snog fest?'

I watched Gee's lips pucker automatically but then she took control of them.

'I'm not a common tart. I can survive without snogging.' I started to laugh.

'Both you and I know that isn't true.'

**3:13 pm**

Gee's hasn't forgiven me yet. She's on the phone with Jas.

**1 minute later**

Millie walked into the room.

'Sweetie Pie. Val is like taking me out for the night... And Mom said to tell you that she's like on the night shift at the hospital. Basically you like get the house to yourself. Use it wisely.' She nodded in Gee's direction whilst winking.

'Millie?'

'Yes, baby bro?'

'GET OUT MY ROOM!' Millie gave me evils before smiling and leaving the room.

**5 minutes later**

On my knees begging Gee to forgive me.

'The Hornmeister is sorry... Please let him make it up to Kittykat.'

Gee stared at me like I was an utter loon.

'Dave, you're such a loon.'

'No you're a loon.' I lobe this game: it always ends in snogging.

'No, I said you're the loon.'

'Yes, but I think you'll find the loon is you.'

**1 minute later**

Snogging Gee. She's such a marvy snogger.

**3:25 pm**

No. Naughty Kittykat don't stop, more snogging.

Arr... She's having another Gee moment.

'What is Kittykat thinking about?'

'All the things Jack the Biscuit is going to do to make it up to Kittykat.'

'Arr... Would that by chance involve more snogging and perhaps a quick trip to number 10?'

I then gave Gee a wink, along with what I thought was a cheeky grin.

'Davey, that's vair rudey dudey.'

'Indeed. But I know Sex Kitten lobes it, because she's such a little minx.' Gee went a red: I stroked her cheek. 'Would Sex Kitten like to stay the night?' Kittykat nodded.

Gee has a really gorgey smile, when she's not trying to suck in her conk.

**1 minute later**

Snogging and fondling Gee.

**4:10 pm**

Gee has gone home to sort out her alibi and fetch her jimjams.

**1 minute later**

The phone is ringing.

Caller ID Rollo.

'Welcome to the land of le Biscuit, where the pants are always umber and the birds are just phwoar. Who may I tell The Vati is calling?'

'Dave, stop messing about.'

'Excuse moi? This is not David... This is the stunning Daphne. The Vati's most trusted secretary.'

'Mate, I really worry about you sometimes.'

'Arr... Fear not. Kittykat is here to serve The Vati. He's in very capable hands.' Rollo laughed.

'I'm not even going to comment, because you said that on purpose.'

'True. But the Biscuit never lies.'

'Indeed. Anywho I'm phoning to check you're not dead.' I checked my pulse.

'Nope... Last time I checked, I was still alive and kicking.'

'Groovy gravy... Has Kittykat gone for the night?' I started to laugh.

'Groovy gravy? Rolland, me think Julia is rubbing off on you.'

'Argh... We so need a lad's day out. I'm spending way too much time with Jools.'

'Because you lurve her.'

'Okay enough. When do you plan on returning to HM Foxwoods?'

'Tomorrow maybe: if Mutti will allow.'

I need to think of an ingenious plan for my return.

'It was so dull today... It's like we were actually at school for once.'

'Arr... But you ditched.'

'Totally. It was dull city without you mate.'

**4:30 pm, My Living Room**

Kittykat has returned. I hung up on Rollo.

We've snuggled up on the sofa, watching TV.

'What does Kittykat plan to do with her time away from Stalag 14?'

'The Ace Gang are going shopping for dresses on Thursday. You know, for the Christmas Ball.'

Erlack... the Christmas Ball. I'd forgotten about that. It means acting like my favourite brother-in-law: in other words poncey. 'You're still going to take me, aren't you?'

I looked down at Kittykat.

'Erm... Sure.' Why does Gee have to be so cute?

'Fabbity.'

**3 minutes later**

'Are you going back to Foxwoods tomorrow?' I nodded.

'If Mutti will let me... Can't give the place too much time to recover?'

Gee had one of her moments.

It lasted for a few seconds.

'What's an all boy's school like...? Is it like an all girl's school, but without the bitchiness and nunga-nungas?'

Ooo... Kittykat's just given me a tres marvy idea for tomorrow.

Something Foxwoods will never forget.__


	24. Ooolala Monsieur Riez

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

**24. ****Ooo-la-la ****Monsieur Riez**

**4:42 pm**

Davey and I were snuggled up in front of the TV.

'What's an all boy's school like...? Is it like an all girl's school, but without the bitchiness and nunga-nungas?'

Dave looked thoughtful for a moment, before a mischievous grin appeared on his lips.

I don't think I'm going to like Dave's answer to my question.

'I shall show Kittykat.'

'What? How can you show me?'

'Arr... For tomorrow, Kittykat shall be an honorary bloke.'

'Dave, you're making no sense.'

'Kittykat shall come to school with le Biscuit. He will show her the ways for the trousers snake.'

I raised my eyebrows: Dave raised his higher.

'In case le Biscuit hasn't noticed Kittykat is a girly. She has nunga-nungas.' Dave's grin turned cheeky.

'And very perky nunga-nungas they are: but we shall hide them tomorrow and Kittykat will be an honorary bloke.'

**2 minutes later**

Gadzooks... The Hornmeister has thought a lot about showing me the ways of the trousers snake.

'I'm not sure about this Dave.'

'Come on Kittykat, it'll be a laugh.' Hmmm... A laugh indeed.

**10:00 pm, Dave's Bedroom**

Tonight was tres tres marvy after the whole 'ways of the trousers snake' fandango.

Davey cooked me dinner which was vair sweet of him.

He cooked macaroni cheese: it was so vair scrummy... And he didn't blow anything up.

We're now snuggled up in Dave's bed. I'm going to get a fabbity night's sleep.

'Sweet dreams Davey.'

'Night night Kittykat.'

Wednesday, November 9

**7:35 am**

Dave and I sat eating breakfast. Plan 'honorary bloke' is under way, because call-me Jane has said Dave may return to school today.

**6 minutes later, Dave's bedroom**

I'm going to be George the Laugh today: Dave's cousin, who moved here from London.

I'm wearing Dave's spare school uniform, with my nunga-nungas strapped up and padding around my waist and shoulders.

My hair will be hidden under a baseball cap. It's pinned to the top of my head and falls over my forehead, so it looks as if I have a fringe. Not a Jazzy fringe through. One of those boyish fringes.

Also because I'm an honorary bloke, I'm not allowed to wear any makeup. Shock horror.

**8:03 am**

Wow... I make a vair convincing bloke.

'Core Sex Kitten: I think I'm on the turn.'

I looked at Dave.

'Do I make a sexy bloke?'

'You bet Kittykat... Just lower your voice a little.'

'How's this?'

'Groovy Kittykat. Just groovy.'

We both laughed like loons.

**8:15 am**

On our way to Foxwoods.

I had one of Dave's old messenger bags over my shoulder.

'Just remember Kittykat. Follow the Vati's lead and you'll survive today's outing to HM Foxwoods.'

'Sure... It'll be a laugh.' A smile tugged at the corners of Dave's lips.

**2 minutes later**

'OI DAVE! WAIT UP!'

It's Rollo and the rest of the Barmy Army. They stopped running beside Dave and I.

Time to see if I can convince them.

'Who's this?' Dave looked at Tom.

'This is George: my cousin. My Aunt and Uncle just moved to the area. It's his first day at Foxwoods.'

The guys stared at me for a long time before Rollo pushed me to the floor.

I scrambled to my feet, whilst the guys laughed.

'He's done for. The guys will eat him alive: not even Spotty Norman falls over when we push him.'

**8:26 am, Foxwoods Gates**

I'm a little nervous now. Rollo had pushed me quite hard.

I stayed close to Dave: whilst Tom tried to make conversation.

'It's not too bad. Most of us are really very nice.'

I didn't know how to reply. 'Which part of London are you from?'

'Greenwich.' I'd read this on a sign when Dave and I went to visit the Dylans.

'Cool. What was your old school like?'

'Erm... It was nice, I suppose. Nothing special.'

**3 minutes later**

Bugger... The Barmy Army are talking about the Ace Gang.

'Ed you've just got to be straight with Mabs. If things aren't working out she'll understand. It's not like you don't love her.'

'You won't be saying that once Jools has had her way with you.'

Rollo pushed Ed into the wall. 'Shut up.'

Dave stepped between them.

He pushed Rollo and Ed apart.

'You cool cats need to chill.'

**1 minute later**

Rollo's giving Ed the cold shoulder. Dec eventually broke the silence.

'So, what happened after we left yesterday?'

Blimey O'Reilly... Now they're talking about me and Dave.

'Arr... The Biscuit doesn't snog and tell.' Rollo laughed.

'You do mate. You brag all the time.'

Hmmm... Should I be bothered that Dave brags about me?

**1 minute later**

Nope.

**2 minutes later, Foxwoods Corridor **

Everyone's still staring at Dave.

Dave leaned against the lockers which line the corridor.

He hasn't spoken: Rollo sighed.

'Really Dave...'

**8:39 am**

The Barmy Army just binned Dave. He didn't even put up a fight.

I stood there with my mouth wide open.

'We know Gee's hot mate, but you keep zoning out and you'll be living in this dumpster.'

Dec, Ed, Tom and Rollo were looking over the side of the dumpsters.

'Remind me not to annoy you guys.'

They all looked at me.

'You met his chick?'

'Sure. She's cool.'

'Hmmm... She's totally hot, but she makes Dave a little dopey.'

**1 minute later**

I've turned goldfish because Rollo thinks I'm hot.

Tom's helping Dave out the dumpster.

**1 minute later**

Bugger... Now I'm in the dumpster. Dave freaked.

'GEE!'

He leaned over the dumpster to help me out.

**4 minutes later**

To say the Barmy Army were shocked is an understatement.

Dave snogged me: number 5.

Luckily no one saw us.

'Kittykat, are you okay?' I nodded.

'I hate being a bloke.' Dave laughed.

**5 minutes later**

'He's... I mean she's... she's Georgia.' Dave nodded.

'Indeed.'

**1 minute later**

Dave binned Rollo.

'That's for pushing Kittykat over.'

The rest of the Barmy Army scrambled before Dave could get them.

**8:55 am, Assembly**

Wow... The Foxwoods headmaster is gorgey. I could listen to him all day.

Wonder if we could trade him for Slim?

Now that's a fabbity idea.

**15 minute later**

Dave poked me in the side whilst whispering 'Kittykat... We must be away on our laughing camels.'

**9:13 am, Chemistry with Professor Jekyll**

'Why Jekyll?' I was sat next to Dave.

'Arr... Jekyll doesn't teach: Jekyll flirts with our Mutti's. Hyde teaches us.'

**1 minute later**

'PIPE DOWN! OR I'LL BE PHONING YOU'RE PARENTS!'

Rollo smirked. 'Oo-er...' Dave laughed.

**1 minute later**

Professor Hyde just noticed me.

'A new student? State your name.' Dave interrupted.

'His names George. He's mom's sister's son.' Professor Hyde looked at Dave.

**2 minutes later**

Argh... Professor Hyde has set a quiz.

Question 1. Molecular and structural formula of ethyl methanoate. Name the function groups.

**10 minutes later**

Professor Hyde left the classroom. Dave laughed.

'You haven't answered a single question.'

'I remind the Hornmeister that Kittykat doesn't take chemistry.'

Dave passed me his test paper: he'd answered all the questions.

'Don't copy it all, my fair Kittykat.'

**10 minutes later**

Professor Hyde has returned. 'PENS DOWN!'

Rollo volunteered to collect the papers in.

He examined Dave's answers for a long time before changing his own.

**9:42 am**

Professor Hyde is talking. He has his back to us.

There are little bits of rubber and pencils flying across the classroom.

Dave and Rollo have pea shooters. They're target: Spotty Norman.

'Is this a typical lesson for you?' Dave looked at me with an idea lingering in his eyes.

**1 minute later**

Using Dave's spare pea shooter. I'm terrible with it: Rollo thinks it's hilarious.

**9:55 am, English Language**

Gadzooks... Dave has a prostitute as an English teacher.

She sitting on her desk with her legs crossed, whilst being seductive with a meter stick.

She has bleach blonde hair and a humongous set of basoomas.

**1 minute later**

We all took our seats. It's silent in the room.

'Good morning class.'

'Nrrrghh...' Wow. Talk about jelliod: she giggled.

'Time for the register... Danny?'

'Nrrrghh.'

'Rollo?'

'Nrrrghh.'

'Steve?'

'Nrrrghh.'

**1 minute later**

'David?'

'Yes.'

'Excuse me?'

'Yes... Our most loyal Mistress Star.'

'OUT!'

'WHAT DID I DO?'

'DAVID! GET OUT OF MY CLASSROOM! NOW!'

**6 minutes later**

Ms. Star's gone to talk to Dave. She hadn't noticed me yet.

**1 minute later**

Listening to Dave argue with Ms. Star.

'WHY DO YOU INSIST ON ACTING THE FOUL?'

'WHY DO YOU INSIST ON NOT WEARIN ANY CLOTHES?'

'DETENTION!'

'YOU'RE SO NOT MY TYPE!'

'THERE YOU GO AGAIN! STOP BEING SUCH A JACK THE LAD!'

'ONLY WHEN YOU STOP BEING A STRIPER!'

'HEADMASTERS OFFICE!'

**3 minutes later**

Bugger... Ms. Star's noticed me.

'Who are you?'

'George. Dave's cousin. I'm new today.'

She stared at me for a second.

'GET OUT!' Wow... What did I do?

**1 minute later**

Glad to be away from Ms. Star...

Or as Dave called her, Mistress Star.

**10:40 am, Break**

Stood outside all lesson until the bell rung.

'Dude, you coming to break.' Rollo had made me jump.

He and Tom stood grinning at me.

'Erm... Yeah.'

**1 minute later**

Following Rollo and Tom out to the tennis courts.

'Dave'll be out in a few minutes. Darren will have let him off the hook.'

'Who's Darren?'

'Headmaster. He loves Dave: you'll see later in PE.'

Ooo... Their drop dead gorgey headmaster has a name.

**3 minutes later**

Found Ed. 'Where's Dave?' Rollo laughed.

'We had the Red-Lighter last. He'll be out in a bit.'

Ed nodded: I raised my eyebrows.

'Red-Lighter?' They all looked at me.

'Yep... Ms. Star has lots of nicknames. We also call her Por...' Tom interrupted.

'Rollo.' He nodded towards the bushes: Rollo sighed.

'I'll be right back.'

**1 minute later**

Rollo disappeared into the bushes.

I'm so full of confusiosity. Tom enlightened me.

'It's Ian: he's the school snitch.'

**1 minute later**

Rollo duffed Ian up before returning.

'Where was I? Oh... Dave's the only guy she can't tame. She doesn't like it much.'

**2 minutes later**

Dave's arrived. He gave me a smile.

'Kittykat survived?' I nodded.

'She sent me out.'

**10:50 am**

Leaning against the fence.

'What did Darren say this time?' Dave looked at Rollo.

'We had coffee. Darren found the Biscuit's re-enactment tres funny: but I had to apologise for calling her a striper.'

'How did that go down?'

'Not well. She hit me with that poxy metre stick.'

'What did you say?'

'That I was sorry.'

'Really?'

'Arr... And I may have called her a tart.'

**1 minute later**

The Barmy Army are laughing like loons.

**11:00 am, French with Madam Kiss**

'Is this another nickname?' Dave laughed.

'You'll see.'

**1 minute later**

Madam Kiss is vair stereotypically French.

We each received a massive French welcome, as we entered the classroom.

A kiss on each cheek.

'BONJOUR!' Dave introduced me.

'C'est George. Mon cousin de Londres.'

'Ahh... He's how you kids say the new dude.'

**9 minutes later**

Madam Kiss is so funny.

She let us play really vair coolio games.

**25 minute later**

Dave thinks my bloke's version of a French accent is la crappy.

We're hiding at the back of the classroom. No one is paying attention to us.

'I like Kittykat's girly French accent. It gives le Biscuit the horn.'

'Ooo-la-la Monsieur Riez.'

**11:39 am**

'Kittykat better watch out. The Hornmeister will get her back for giving him the horn.'

Rollo sat down on the table in front of us.

'How's the boyfriend Davey?' Dave pushed Rollo off the table. 'Ooo touchy... Did we lose our handbag?'

'What do you want?'

'Just a warning... Before someone other than me notices that you two are holding hands under the table.'

**1 minute later**

Let go of Dave's hand.

Rollo continued to chat with Dave.

'Is Gee staying for PE?'

'Indeed.'

'Where is she changing? She can't change with us.'

'Don't have a nervy b. The Vati has it sorted.'

**11:50 am, Maths with Mr. Substitute**

Dave and Rollo set off a stink bomb in Maths.

We had to evacuate the classroom. Mr. Substitute was all dithery.

'Right... which... erm... which one of you. Who... like did this?'

**1 minute later**

Dave and I have been sent to fetch Darren.

**1 minute later, The Office**

Dave walked straight into Darren's Office.

'I'm back.' Darren looked up from his computer.

'What have you done now?'

'Stink bomb for our dearest substitute in Maths.'

'David, what shall I do with you?'

**1 minute later**

Gosh... Darren's gorgey. We should totally swap him for ole' double chin.

Dave had sat down opposite Darren. 'Is he alright?'

I was still stood in the doorway.

'The Biscuit wonders that himself at times.'

'Who is he? We don't have any new students this week.'

'My cousin: George.'

'Really? Your mother's side?'

'Yep.' Dave popped the 'p'.

**2 minutes later**

Darren is still staring at me with those vair marvy green eyes.

'It's nice to meet you.'

'Nrrrghh...' Darren looked to Dave.

'That's a girl.' Dave raised his eyebrows.

'No. He's just got one of those falsetto voices.'

'DAVID!'

**2 minutes later**

Dave confessed: Darren sighed.

'It's nice to meet you, Georgia. I'm sorry about my looniest pupil.' I smiled.

'No. It is me who must apologise for his behaviour.'

**12:05 pm**

Darren is a coolio head-teacher-type-person. He gave us yummy cake.

**10 minutes later**

Darren says I may join in with his PE lesson, but I have to be Dave's partner.

We're going to play badminton.

'Can Kittykat play badminton?'

'Is that the one with shuttlecocks?'

'You bet.' Dave then winked at me. I hit him.

'Don't be so immature.' Darren laughed.

**12:30, Lunch time**

Skipping down the corridor: arm linked though Dave's and we're singing the Wizard of Pants.

'WE'RE OF TO SEE THE WIZARD, THE WONDERFUL WIZARD OF PANTS.'

Rollo joined in.

**5 minutes later, Cafeteria **

There's a massive line for food, but that didn't seem to bother the Barmy Army.

They just cut ahead of people.

'Kittykat wait here.'

'Why?'

'Let's just say I'll be right back.'

**1 minute later**

Dave cut in at the front. The dinner lady smiled at him.

'What will it be Dave?'

'Two spag bols, Janet.'

'Two?'

'Yep. One for my camel.'

**1 minute later**

Sitting with the rest of the Barmy Army.

'How come you can just cut in?' Hunky explained.

'It's the pecking order.'

'Pecking order?' Rollo took over the explanation.

'Everyone you've beat up is behind you in the queue. Newest kids at the back. Sven's first because no one dare take him on: I mean he doesn't even come to this school. Dave's second. I'm fourteenth. Ed's nineteenth. Dec's twentieth. Tom's twenty third.'

'Wow...' My Davey's a vair bad boy. Oo-er.

_**A.N. **__**Next Chapter... Yay. Hope you guys enjoy it. You may have also noticed my penname has changed. I'm a little put off of Edward after nearly dying of laughter when I saw his hair in the wedding scene on the Breaking Dawn trailer. He looks so silly. Erm... Hope I haven't lost my Gee-ness in this chapter because I did have writers block at one point. I think I pulled it together. Nevertheless enjoy reading and review. Next chapter we find the Ace Gangs reaction to George the Laugh. Hehe. Love Roxanne the Laugh... 3**_


	25. People to see and a prozzie to prank

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

**25. P****eople to see and a prozzie to prank**

**12:40 pm**

'OI! NEW KID!' Oh no...

The Barmy Army all looked around.

**1 minute later**

The voice had been tres tres threatening...

But its owner was no taller than Big Gob Mark's midget girlfriend.

Dave and the rest of the Barmy Army laughed.

'What's so funny?'

**1 minute later**

'He's challenging you to a fight.'

Rollo's response made me gulp. I couldn't fight him.

Dave stepped in.

'Paul... Bugger off.'

Paul backward as Dave got to his feet.

'Dave keep out of this. He can speak for himself.'

'Indeed. But instead of trying to duff up the new kid, why don't you concentrate on growing a pair?'

'I've already called it. Rules are rules.'

**2 minutes later**

We've attracted an audience.

'Fight... fight... fight...'

Have I mentioned that I hate being a bloke? Give me Wet Lindsey any day.

'Do you know what I think? Davey here's on the turn.' All the guys gasped before starting to make fun.

**1 minute later**

Ekk... Someone pushed me into Dave. Dave caught me.

That's when the baseball cap fell off my head... And there was silence.

**8 minutes later**

'HE'S A GIRL!'

'Is Kittykat alright?' I nodded.

There was a group 'Ooo...' from our audience.

Dave looked at Paul.

'Now back to your rules. You challenge my Kittykat and you fight me.'

Everyone looked at Paul.

**1 minute later**

Paul is being placed in the dumpster by the Barmy Army.

I'm sat on Dave's lap. Everyone is staring at us.

'Why do they stare?'

'Because Kittykat gorgey.' I blushed. 'But they're too scared to challenge the Vati, so Kittykat is safe.'

**1 minute later**

Snogging Dave. Number 5.

**1:05 pm**

'DAVID!'

Woopies... Darren caught us snogging.

Dave turned a little red.

'Stop calling me David.' Darren laughed.

'Just get to class.'

**1:10 pm, PE with Gorgey Darren**

I had to change in Darren's office, because I wasn't allowed in the boys changing rooms. Dave the Cheeky Cat had brought Millie's old Stalag 14 PE kit with us. I was about to go out and join the boys in a short netball skirt and tight polo shirt. This wouldn't be fabbity.

**1 minute later, Sports Hall**

The boys were warming up... I hope Darren doesn't make me do the warm up. Push ups would mean my nunga-nungas will just drag along the floor. I didn't even put a sports over-the-shoulder-bolder-holder on this morning.

Darren smiled at me.

'Okay Gee... You can just do a quick lap around the hall and some stretches.'

**5 minutes later**

The boys are trying to look up my skirt whilst I'm stretching. Darren hasn't noticed. The worst offender is my own horn partner. I would have to punish him later... Oo-er.

**2:40 pm**

PE with the boys was such a laugh.

I'm el crappo badminton even with Dave's help.

And when we played doubles with Tom and Rollo: I tripped Dave over.

We'd finished five minutes early, so Darren let me sit in the boys changing room to wait for the bell.

All the boys are still staring at me.

**1 minute later**

Rollo's just seen that the Ace Gang are waiting at the gate.

Rollo, Tom, Dec and Ed disappeared into the wazzarium. Dave laughed.

'Kittykat has to see this.'

**1 minute later**

Laughing like a loon. Tom, Dec, Ed and Rollo are squabbling over a mirror whilst trying to fix their hair.

'The Barmy Army are worse than the Ace Gang.' Dave went to pull the Barmy Army away from the mirror.

He had a quick look at himself. I laughed.

'Dave you're so vain.'

'Am not. The Vati always looks gorgeous.' I just giggled.

**2:45 pm**

Watching Rollo, Tom, Dec and Ed walk to the gate.

They all did a vair tough guy walk.

Dave's killing himself with laughter.

**1 minute later**

The Ace Gang are snogging the Barmy Army.

Dave and I walked over to them.

**1 minute later**

Snogging Dave.

'Davey, your handbag's showing.'

Bugger... I forgot that I'm still George the Laugh.

**1 minute later**

The Ace Gang have gone goldfish.

'But... he... well... he... he's... like... erm... dating Gee.' Surprisingly this wasn't Ellen. It was Jazzy.

Jools wasn't much better.

'Gee... like... Gee's gonna... She'll... like... be so heartbroken.'

RoRo had pulled out her beard.

'Hmmm...'

**3 minutes later**

I couldn't keep a straight face. I had to laugh.

'GEORGIA!' I removed the baseball cap.

'Surprise my bestest pallies.'

'You loon. You scared us. We thought we'd have to tell you that Dave's a two timer.'

She hit me: Ellen spoke.

'Erm... Like... I... What... I mean... What are you... like... doing?'

'Arr... Kittykat has been an honorary bloke for the day. She has learnt much.' I nodded.

'Yep. So much... In fact we need an Ace Gang meeting.'

The guys' faces were hilarious when they realised, I was going to tell the Ace Gang everything.

**10 minutes later, Jas' bedroom**

The Barmy Army have gone home because they're not welcome at the Ace Gang meeting. We're sat on Jas' bed: RoRo's wearing her beard.

'Don't keep us waiting Gee.' I laughed.

'Sorry. Where should I start?'

'The beginning. We want to hear everything.'

'Okay. I asked Dave what Foxwoods was like and he said he'd show me the ways of the trouser snake...' The Ace Gang giggled. 'I became George the Laugh for the day.'

'You were vair convincing?'

'Indeed. I fouled the Barmy Army too... And Mabs you need to have a little chat with Ed. I'm not sure what it is but he's having a nervy b. about something.'

Mabs' face fell. 'Oh...'

'Don't worry it didn't sound serious.'

I went on to tell the Ace Gang about Ms. Star, Madame Kiss and the Barmy Army's wazzarium performance.

**9 minutes later**

'And their headmaster is so gorgy.' The Ace Gang giggled.

'GEORGIA!'

'What Jazzy?'

'YOUR RED BOTTOM!'

'Does... Erm... like... well... does... does... I mean... Dave knows... you... like... found him... cute?'

'Not sure. I went jelliod in front of him though. He has vair marvy green eyes.'

**1 minute later**

Jas is giving me evils.

'Jazzy Spazzy don't be a div. It's not like I'm going to ditch Dave for a thirty year old man. That's like tres tres gross.' RoRo is stroking her beard.

'Hmmm...'

'Moving on. Snogging Scale update: RoRo, Jas and I are at number 10, so we can't climb higher. Jools?'

'Still 9. Rollo said we'd take the next step slow. Ellen?'

'Erm... I... I... I mean... 8.'

'Wow. El, when did that happen?'

'Err... I... We... Dec... He... like came... he... stayed... the other day... over mine... we... like... erm... watched... movies... It... It... just... like... sorta... happened... He was... erm... all... like... cute... and nice... about... like...'

**5 minutes later**

Ellen dithered for another five minutes, before flushing bright red.

We turned to Mabs: Mabs gulped.

'Well... Erm...' Mabs burst into tears.

**1 minute later**

Poor Mabs. She and Ed had a fight last night.

She was in no state to tell us what they fought about. She just blubbered.

Jas sat stroking Mabs hair.

'Hey it'll be alright.'

**3:40 pm**

RoRo had disappeared. She reappeared with a certain Edward over her shoulder. He was struggling.

'ROSEMARY! PUT ME DOWN!'

**1 minute later**

RoRo dropped Ed.

'Sven's a very bad influence on you.' Ed got to his feet.

He's noticed Mabs: his face has fallen. 'Mabs...'

He didn't say anything else. He knelt down in front of her.

She leaned forward to wrap her arms around his neck.

His arms went around her waist. He whispered into her ear. 'I'm sorry.'

**3 minutes later**

Ed took Mabs home.

**4:02 pm**

Mutti and Vati didn't even wonder where I'd gone.

Such caring parents I have.

**1 minute later, my bedroom**

'GEORGIA! HONEY CAN YOU COME DOWN HERE PLEASE!'

'WHY!'

'WE WANT TO TALK!'

Bugger... What have I done now?

**6 minutes later**

Gadzooks... They've give me hundred squid to spend on a dress tomorrow.

'We've been very impressed with your maturity lately.'

Hmmm... I'm wondering if they have another daughter or possible that I have an identical twin which I don't know about. Or perhaps that don't remember meeting my Davey.

**1 minute later, my bedroom again**

I graciously accepted the hundred squid.

**1 minute later**

Ringing Davey.

'Kittykat... Can't stay away, can you?' I giggled.

'Hey Davey.'

'Kittykat, how many times must I tell you that I don't do phone sex?'

'But I'm the Sex Kitten: you'll make an exception for moi.'

Dave laughed.

'What does Kittykat require from the Hornmeister?'

'Kittykat requires an ear... but not like that Van Gogh bloke: I don't want it through the post.'

'Luckily for Kittykat, the Hornmeister is all ears.' I laughed.

'Dave you're such a loon.'

'Indeed... Is this going to take long, because the Biscuit is rather busy?'

'Busy with what?' Not sure if I wanted to know.

'I have people to see and a prozzie to prank.'

'What?'

'Your little trip into the world of the trousers snake has put Jack behind on his pranks.'

**4 minutes later**

Dave's pranks for Foxwoods tomorrow.

1. Mistress Star is getting a toad infested classroom. Payback, well that's what Dave called it.

2. He's going to put hot sauce in the meat loaf surprise.

3. And the entire student body is going on strike until Darren lets them wear skirts.

Why do I have a loon as a horn partner?

**1 minute later**

Oh yeah... because I'm also a loon.

_**A.N. **__**Would just like to thank my reviews, they're all amazing. Roxanne the Laugh... 3**_


	26. Naughty Kittykat

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

**26. ****Naughty Kittykat**

Thursday, November 10

**11:10 am**

Meeting the Ace Gang in town at 12:00.

We're picking out dresses for the Christmas ball which is on November 20th.

It's so vair obvious that Slim doesn't know when Christmas actually is.

**1 minute later**

What to wear?

**5 minutes later**

Hmmm... Jeggings or Skirt?

**1 minute later**

The skirt would mean taming the orang-utan gene...

But it is more Sex Kitty-ish.

**20 minutes later**

Jeggings with my biker boots and a cute tshirt.

Natural makeup: bit of foundation, mascara, lippy, eye shadow, bronzer.

Hair full of bounciosity but dead straight.

**11:45 am**

Left the house without breaky because the milk had gone off and the bread was mouldy.

Why can't my Mutti be normal? It wouldn't kill her to restock the fridge once in a while.

**11:55 am, Under the clock tower**

Gadzooks... I'm early. And the first here.

**1 minute later**

Jazzy arrived: she was vair shocked to see me.

'Gee? Is that you?' I laughed.

'Oui, moi bestest pally.'

'You're early.'

'Indeed.'

**12:00 pm**

The rest of the Ace Gang have arrived.

We had a non-lessie group hug, before heading to the shops.

'Ellen, did you decide on a colour for your dress?' Ellen nodded at Jas.

'Erm... yeah... well... I... I... thought... maybe... like... yellow.'

**1 minute later**

We agreed that Ellen would look nice in yellow.

Jools then asked Mabs, if she'd made up with Ed. Mabs smiled.

'Yes... He apologised for shouting at me the other day.' The rest of the Ace Gang smiled. That was tres tres marvy because it would have been a vair awkward fandango if one of us didn't have a date at the Christmas Ball.

**12:10 pm**

We wondered around town looking for a suitable dress shop.

Just to remind you fools in case you've forgotten. Jas wants light blue: Mabs wants green: RoRo wants red: Jools wants pink: Ellen wants yellow: and moi wants purple.

We're going to make the Barmy Army wear these colours too, so we're all matchy.

**1 minute later, Modern Silhouette Dress Store **

We're the only ones in the shop. We started to look through the many rails of dresses. Picking out the ones we liked.

**12:21 pm**

RoRo's already in her fifth dress. She seems to like everything, until she tries them on.

She's currently standing in front of a full length mirror.

'Do I give you the horn, Kittykat?' She's such a lessie at times.

'RoRo, you're such a lessie.' She gave me death glares.

'Kittykat knows she likes it.'

'Err... No.'

**2 minutes later**

Jas came out the dressing room looking vair pleased with herself. She was wearing a gorgey light blue strapless princess dress with silver embroidery around the corset.

She gave us a twirl before looking into the mirror.

I have to admit that she looked really marvy in the dress. It fits her perfectly.

Gadzooks... Maybe I am on the turn.

'I think this is the one... Do you think Tom will like it?'

'Totally Jas. He'll love it.' The rest of the Ace Gang agreed with Jools.

**1 minute later, Dressing Rooms**

I'd picked a few dresses to try on.

The Ace Gang fell quiet, as I appeared from the changing rooms in the first dress.

'No... No... No... Kittykat. You look tres tres portly.' The rest of the Ace Gang agreed.

**1 minute later**

Stormed back into the changing room.

I wasn't fat.

The next dress wasn't much better. 'Hornmeister would not enjoy this dress.'

RoRo pressed her hands to her nunga-nungas. She was looking at my basoomas.

**1 minute later**

'Kittykat needs a dress worthy of a minx.' RoRo forced me back into the dressing rooms.

'Are you calling me a tart?'

'Never Kittykat.'

**1 minute later**

RoRo has her head stuck through the curtain of the dressing room cubical.

'RoRo. Does Sven know his Viking bride is on the turn?'

**1 minute later**

RoRo just pinned my undercrackers.

I screamed before pushing her out the cubical.

**12:30 pm**

The final dress I had chosen was a little different from the princess dresses that the rest of the Ace Gang were trying on. It wasn't strapless and had no embroidery, just three black bands around the torso section.

**1 minute later**

The Ace Gang were vair impressed with this dress.

'Gee. You look amazing.'

'Ya... Sex Kitten's back.'

'What... I... well... erm... what happens... if... well... you're... like... nungas... fall... I mean... out... like... the top... of... the... well...' Ellen dithered on. I was a little worried that my nunga-nungas would fall out of this dress. It would be the Romeo and Juliet balcony scene all over again.

RoRo shrugged her shoulders. 'Kittykat can use tape to tame her nungas.'

**1:00 pm**

Sat watching Jools, Mabs and Ellen trying on more dresses. I'm still trying to decide, whether or not to buy the dark purple dress with straps.

**5 minutes later**

RoRo has eventually picked a red strapless dress with a sequin pattern on the corset.

She'd also found my mobile in the dressing rooms. Trust moi to drop it.

Ooo... A text from Davey.

_Kittykat you're such a minx. Dave ; )_

That's odd. I haven't even spoken to le Biscuit.

_What did I do? Gee_

_Sending rudey dudey pictures to your horn partner whilst he's trying to concentrate on his studies. Dave._

What is he on about?

_I did no such thing._

**1 minute later**

Next text from Dave had a picture attached.

_Yes you did. It's my new wallpaper ; ) _

The picture was of me in my undercrackers. I was in the dressing room: you could clearly see a certain Viking Bride in the dressing room mirror taking the picture.

I'm going to kill RoRo.

**4 minutes later**

Giving RoRo the ole' cold shoulder.

Ellen has just come out the dressing room. She's wearing a vair pretty yellow dress with silver embroidery around the corset.

'What... Like... is... is... do... I mean... like... this... one?'

We looked at Ellen.

'It's vair pretty Ellz.'

'Ya... You should totally go for that one.'

**1:15 pm**

I've decided to buy the dark purple dress.

I'd tried it on again.

It was the only dress here, that Dave would probably like it.

I'd have to show him later.

**1 minute later**

Ellen has brought the yellow dress with silver embroidery, so now we're only waiting for Mabs and Jools.

Jools is trying to decide between a baby pink dress and a hot pink dress.

We've said she should go with the hot pink: but she's trying to decide which colour will be easier to get Rollo to wear.

'I'm not sure he'll want to wear either colour Jools.' Mabs was probably right.

'But the hot pink is less subtle.'

'Either way Jools, Dave will call him a Handbag Horse.' Everyone agreed with me.

I knew what Dave was like.

**5 minutes later**

Mabs came out the dressing room in a gorgey green dress. It's a meringue style like the other dresses, but it's ruffled instead of falling straight. She gave us a twirl.

'I'm going to buy this one.'

The rest of the Ace Gang nodded: it did looked vair pretty on her.

**1:30 pm, New Look**

Jools eventually brought the hot pink dress, so now we're looking for shoes and accessorises.

Jas, Mabs and RoRo were looking at heels because their dresses were slightly too long. I shan't be wearing heels else I'll be taller than Davey. I'd have to do that odd orang-utan crouching thingy-ma-jig.

I'm going to play safe with a flat pair of black ballerina shoes.

**1 minute later**

Jazzy Spazzy is hilarious in heels.

She fell into RoRo: RoRo dragged Ellen down with them.

Jools and I burst out laughing like loons on loon tablets.

**2 minutes later**

Jas has told me and Jools to bugger off, so we're looking at accessories.

'Hope Hunky likes being on the floor.' Jools laughed like a spaz.

**1 minute later**

'What about this tiara, Gee?'

'Hmmm... Isn't it a bit too much?' Jools glanced at herself the mirror.

'Maybe... I thought it would go well with my diamond necklace from Hamburger-a-gogo-land.' Jools Mutti is an airhostess, so she's always buying Jools prezzies from exotic lands. 'What jewellery will Kittykat be wearing?' I looked at Jools.

There was only one necklace I'd be wearing.

I haven't taken it off since Dave had given me it.

**1:39 pm**

The Ace Gang are gushing over my necklace.

I'd completely forgotten to show them: or had I wanted it to be a secret?

Well... It's not a secret anymore.

'Gee. It's so cute.'

'Wish Rollo would buy me something like this.'

'Did... Dave... well... like... pick... it... like... out... all... on... his... well... own?'

'Bet it cost a fortune.'

**1:55 pm, Luigi's**

Drinking cappuccinos. Shopping bags piled on a spare chair.

The Ace Gang are still gossing about my necklace.

I hope the Barmy Army have lots of money to spend on their betrothed.

**1 minute later**

Being attacked by Amelia the Laugh. She's with Valentino.

'KITTYKAT!'

'Hi Mills.'

**1 minute later**

Mills and Val joined us.

'I like was gonna totally drop you a line later, Gee. I thought you might like come to London with B and me this weekend. We're gonna see Ash's wife's show: she sent us some tickets.'

The Ace Gang are just staring at Millie. She'd spoken so fast.

Millie gave them a wide smile. 'Nice to see you girls again... This is Valentino: my fiancé. He doesn't speak much English, so he probably won't say much.'

**2 minutes later**

I turned goldfish, when I realised what Mills had said.

She was staring fondly into Tino's eyes.

'Fiancé?' She nodded. She held up her hand to show her engagement ring.

I screamed whilst hugging her. 'Congratulations... How do I say that in Italian?' Millie smiled widely.

'Congratulazioni.' I repeated this to Tino.

'Grazie significa molto.' Millie tranlated.

'He said, thank you that means alot.'

**2:10 pm**

Millie has brought chocolate muffins.

She's also invited the Ace Gang to her wedding, so we're now talking about it.

The Ace Gang are vair excited.

'Do you have a date?'

'We like thought next summer. Rebecca's going to be my maid of honour... I was hoping Gee would be a bridesmaid.' Gadzooks... me a bridesmaid.

**6 minutes later**

Jas elbowed me in the ribs when I didn't reply.

'Err... really... me... as... like... I mean... your... bridesmaid.' Millie laughed.

'Totally... You're an honorary Laugh.'

**1 minute later**

Hehe... The Ace Gang have gone goldfish.

'Gee, I need a decision.'

'Yes. I would lobe to.' Millie smiled.

'Oh, did I mention the wedding's gonna like be in Italy.'

She bit her lip. Wow... Better Dave was going to hate that.

**2:46 pm**

Walking home with Jas.

I had my dress in a fancy box, which was rammed in a New Look bag with shoes.

'It's so nice of Amelia to invite us all to her wedding, but I doubt my parent will allow me to go to Italy.'

Ellen and Mabs had said the same.

I wasn't even sure if Vati would let me go: I'd probably have to get Mills to persuade him. Mutti would allow me to go because I'm going with Dave. Mutti loves Davey.

'Not sure Vati will be too pleased about me going.'

'Because of Dave?'

'Indeed my bestest pally. Vati thinks I'll get preggers and die.'

**1 minute later**

Jas is giving me the sex talk.

'Well anything's possible Gee. You should really be on the pill if you and Dave...'

I gave her a hard shove into the bushes, before running for it.

**8 minutes later, Home Sweet Home**

Dave's sitting on the wall.

'Hello Hornmeister.'

'Kittykat...' I stopped to stand between Dave's legs. 'Did my pretty Sex Kitten buy herself a sexy dress?'

'Yes she did... She also saw that sister of yours. How come Davey didn't tell Kittykat that his sister has become engaged?' Dave just frowned.

'Because she's marrying that Handbag Horse and we have to go to Italy and see his handbag collection.'

'Dave... I'm sure he hasn't got a handbag.' I started to run my fingers through his hair.

'He has, the Hornmeister's seen it.'

'Really Dave...? He's going to be your brother-in-law.' Dave shivered.

'Please don't remind me.' I laughed.

'Would the Vati feel better if Kittykat came to Pizza-a-gogo-land with him?'

**1 minute later**

Snogging Dave: number 6¾.

Dave groaned. 'Naughty Kittykat.'

I giggled against his skin.

**1 minute later**

'Hmmm... Did Kittykat mean it?' I looked into Dave's eyes.

'About coming to Italy?' Dave just nodded. 'Yeah... Mills asked me to be her bridesmaid. Kittykat will be in Italy to protect Davey from those Handbag Horses.'

Dave smiled, before snogging me. Number 6.

_**A.N.**__** I have waited to release chapters 26 and 27 together, because chapter 27 is Dave's day in his POV. Hope you've enjoyed this chapter. Roxanne the Laugh... 3**_


	27. Because it'll be a Laugh Dave's POV

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

**27. ****Because it'll be a Laugh |Dave's POV|**

Thursday, November 10

**7:45 am**

'SWEETIE PIE! TIME FOR SCHOOL!'

'FIVE MORE MINUTES!' Vati chuckled: he's in my room. 'GET OUT! YOU OLE' COOT!'

Vati smirked. 'My son: the morning person.'

'GO AWAY!'

'David, David, David... How about we go out tonight? I'd rather not sit at home, watching Amelia and your mother emptying my wallet.'

A smirk played on my lips.

'That's what you get for letting her marry a Handbag Horse.'

Vati laughed. 'Don't call him that: he makes Millie smile. I'd never stop you from marrying someone you loved. The girl's father may have other ideas but I'd never stop you.'

**3 minutes later**

Getting dressed for HM Foxwoods. Vati hasn't left yet.

'Vati... Do you require the Biscuit's assistance?'

'Waiting for a reply from my son. Are we going out tonight?'

'Sure... It's a date.'

'And you call Tino the Handbag Horse.'

Vati left: I shouted after him.

'YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT!'

**8:12 am, Kitchen**

Erlack... Amelia is snogging Tino.

'Thought Maria preferred the ole' Germans.'

She gave me death glares. 'Shut up.'

Tino smiled widely at me.

'Buongiorno Dave.' I smiled back at him.

'Buongiorno. Hai dormito bene?'

'Sì.'

I know what you're thinking. Gadzooks Dave the Laugh speak Italian... Unforturnately, Mutti forced me to learn the native language of the Handbag Horse.

I haven't a clue why Tino couldn't learn English.

**1 minute later**

Bugger... Kittykat's going to kill me.

**1 minute later**

Hmmm... She doesn't exactly need to know. I don't have to tell her.

**10 minutes later**

Walking to school. I'd left the house before Mutti could comment on my lack of breakfast. I wasn't hungry.

**8:30 am**

'OI! DAVE!'

It was Rollo. I kept walking.

**1 minute later**

Rollo caught up with me. He raised an eyebrow.

'Someone's in a bad mood.'

'Am not.'

'Whatever... You got the supplies.' I nodded.

Today the entire student body were going on strike.

This strike had taken a long time to arrange. We were going on strike until Darren agreed to let us wear skirts on school grounds. Why you may be asking...

Because it'll be a laugh.

**1 minute later**

And Darren may be in the mood to bargain with us.

**1 minute later**

'Suppose you're gonna get back at Red-Lighter too.'

'Arr... You know the Biscuit to well. Our dear Red-Lighter will be getting a frog infestation.'

Rollo rolled his eyes.

'She'll go up the wall.' I shrugged my shoulders.

'Hopping mad to be exact.' Rollo laughed.

**8:45 am, HM Foxwoods**

Darren was at the gate.

He raised his eyebrows at me.

'No birds this morning.' I shook my head.

'No Sir... I've decided to turn over the new leaf.' Darren laughed.

'I'll believe that when I see it.' Rollo muttered beside me.

'He won't have to wait long.' I nudge Rollo in the stomach. Hard.

**8:55 am, Science Labs**

Lab techs are too gullible.

We told them Ms. Fritton want the frogs for blodge today.

They handed them straight over. Rollo and I put them in our bags.

**9:02 am**

The rest of the Barmy Army have arrived.

Hu- I mean Tom is being particularly snoopy today.

'How's it been with the wedding planning?'

'Fine.'

I don't want to talk about the wedding.

'Dave... I only asked a civil question.'

'About the Handbag Horse.'

'Okay... Chill dude.'

**5 minutes later, Lining up for English**

I hate how Red-Lighter turns my classmates into mindless prats.

It was nice to have Gee here. Wish she was here today.

**2 minutes later**

Red-Lighter has appeared.

Don't think I can even be bothered to argue with her today.

**7 minutes later, Out in the Corridor**

Who am I kidding? I lobe plaguing her.

I'd released the frogs just before I was kicked out.

There should be a delay, before Red-Lighter realises.

**9:27 am**

Right-Lighter screamed.

'DAVID!' I returned to the classroom.

'May the Biscuit come back in?'

'HEADMASTERS OFFICE NOW!'

'What did I do?'

**1 minute later**

Charming... Red-Lighter actually threw a frog at me.

Poor frog... What did he ever do to anyone?

**5 minutes later**

Retelling my story to Darren.

I'd even brought the frog that Red-Lighter had thrown at me.

'Shall we try another leaf Dave? Preferable one that's well behaved or I shall have to be phoning your parents.'

He placed a cup of coffee in front of me.

'But it's Ms. Star's fault. The Biscuit doesn't do anything wrong.' Darren smiled.

'David... We both know that you're very good at winding people up. But just try and be nice for me.'

'SHE THREW A FROG AT ME!'

'Yes. Mrs. Fritton was wondering where they'd gone.'

**2 minutes later**

Darren has changed subject.

'How's home life...? I heard your big sister's getting married. Everything okay with that?'

I shrugged my shoulders. 'I guess so.'

'You know I won't tell anyone. You can tell me?' I sighed.

'I don't want to talk about it.'

'Okay. That's fine too... I suggest you talk to someone though. How about that pretty little girlfriend of yours? She seems to brighten your spirits.' I shrugged my shoulders.

**10:40 am, Break**

Spent the rest of the morning with Darren.

I did the work Red-Lighter had set but Darren kept me company.

I drank coffee and ate cake. A perfect English lesson if I do say so myself.

**1 minute later**

Tidying up my froggy prank. Wish the little blighters would stay still.

Red-Lighter's giving me death glares.

'You'd be a very pleasant young man if you could just behave.'

She was standing over me.

Totally had a nervy b. when I looked up.

'You'd like that wouldn't you.' She hit me with her poxy metre stick.

**10 minutes later, Science Labs**

Taking the frogs back. Apologised to Mrs. Fritton: she wasn't too cross.

**1 minute later, Tennis Courts**

Found the Barmy Army.

'You survived?' Dec sounded almost surprised.

'Indeed... The Biscuit is invincible.'

Rollo slapped me around the back.

'Is Darren in a good mood?'

'Yep.' I popped the 'p'.

**11:05 am**

Battle stations. Picket signs aloft.

The strike for skirts has started.

I'm key negotiator during the strike, so I'm standing front and centre.

I've even got a coolio megaphone.

**3 minutes later**

Darren's arrived. He glared at me whilst rubbing his forehead.

'DAVID! YOU'RE GOING TO BE THE DEATH OF ME!'

I started my little speech.

'WE WANT TO WEAR SKIRT! WE WANT FREEDOM TO EXPRESS OUR FEMININE SIDE! WE WANT...'

Everyone started to chant.

'SKIRTS! SKIRTS! SKIRTS...!'

Darren burst out laughing.

'WHY?'

'BECAUSE IT'LL BE A LAUGH! BECAUSE WE'VE GOT THE LEGS FOR IT!'

'DAVID YOU'RE SUCH A PRAT! MY OFFICE NOW!'

**5 minutes later**

Darren led me off to his office.

The chants continued: lead by Rollo.

'IT ISN'T RIGHT!'

'IT ISN'T RIGHT!'

'WE'RE GOING TO FIGHT!'

'WE'RE GOING TO FIGHT!'

'WE'LL BE ASSERT!'

'WE'LL BE ASSERT!'

'WE ALL WANT TO WEAR A SKIRT!'

'WE ALL WANT TO WEAR A SKIRT!'

**1 minute later, Darren's Office**

Darren sat down behind his desk.

'What do I have to do to make this stop?'

'The Biscuit shall not give in until every bloke is wearing a skirt.'

'I can't agree to that Dave. The school board would be furious... What's the alternative?'

'Hmmm... I shall have to consult my followers.'

'Fine.'

**11:35 am**

Returning to the tennis courts.

Rollo passed me the megaphone, as I stood before the entire student body.

'DARREN'S WILLING TO COMPROMISE!' Everyone cheered.

**1 minute later**

Discussing out terms and conditions.

It's not an easy fandango. Everyone wants different stuff.

**10 minutes later**

Our terms and conditions.

- Trip to Alton Towers with Stalag 14

- No Christmas Ball.

- We get an extend lunch with pizza today.

**5 minutes later, Darren's Office again**

Darren watched me as I sat down. 'So?'

'We want a trip to Alton Towers with the girls.'

'Hmmm... I'll have to speak to their headmistress. She may not agree. Next?'

**1 minute later**

'We want the Christmas Ball cancelled.' Darren raised his eyebrows.

'Isn't Georgia looking forward to that?'

Hmmm... Hadn't thought about that?

Kittykat probably wouldn't speak to the Hornmeister if he got the Ball cancelled.

**3 minutes later**

'Okay... The Biscuit shall let it stay, but we want an extended lunch with pizza.'

Darren had started to smirk. 'You'd make one hell of a lawyer: or perhaps an MP.'

**12:01 pm, Tennis Courts again**

We're all pretty pleased with what Darren's agreed to do.

We're going to Alton Towers, but Darren's making us wear skirts that day. The Biscuit forgot that Darren has a sense of humour. Still, we also get an extended lunch with pizza.

**1 minute later**

'We never doubted you, dude.'

I raised an eyebrow at Dec, as I sat down. 'The Vati doesn't give in.'

'We know that... But what happened about the Christmas Ball?' I gulped.

'Erm... That's not the Hornmeister's fault. Darren played dirty: he brought Kittykat into it.'

The Barmy Army burst out laughing like utter loons.

'We've found Davey's weakness.' I swung at Rollo, but he ducked.

**12:25**** pm**

Text from Kittykat.

Ooo-err... A picture.

**1 minute later**

Cheeky little minx... Sending me pictures of Kittykat in her undercrackers.

**1 minute later**

Man... She gives me the horn.

I texted Kittykat back.

_Kittykat you're such a minx. Dave ; )_

**2 minutes later**

Rollo leaned over my shoulder.

'What's Davey looking at? Ooo... Is that Gee?' I pushed him away.

'Indeed, but it's not for you.'

**1:05 pm**

Kittykat took her time texting back. By the time she'd replied, we'd eaten the pizza that Darren had promised: and the Vati was currently in the middle of a footie match.

_What did I do? Gee_

Arr... Playing hard to get.

_Sending rudey dudey pictures to your horn partner whilst he's trying to concentrate on his studies. Dave._

_I did no such thing._

**1 minute later**

Core she's such a little minx: still playing hard to get.

I sent her the picture.

_Yes you did. It's my new wallpaper ; ) _

I felt like teasing Kittykat.

I hadn't really set the picture as my wallpaper.

**3 minutes later**

Hmmm... I really miss Gee now.

**2:45 pm**

Time to go see Kittykat. Can't wait to see her.

I'm thinking about telling her about Millie and Tino.

Darren was right, I should speak to someone.

**5 minutes later, Kittykat's House**

Sat on Kittykat's wall.

No one's at home.

She must still be shopping with the Ace Gang.

**3:02**** pm**

Kittykat appeared at the end of the street.

She smiled when she saw me. 'Hello Hornmeister.'

'Kittykat...' She stood between my legs. She's so gorgey. 'Did my pretty Sex Kitten buy herself a sexy dress?' She smiled widely without sucking in her conk.

'Yes she did... She also saw that sister of yours. How come Davey didn't tell Kittykat that his sister has become engaged?'

I frowned. 'Because she's marrying that Handbag Horse and we have to go to Italy and see his handbag collection.'

Kittykat smirked, whilst starting to run her fingers through my hair.

'Dave... I'm sure he hasn't got a handbag.'

'He has, the Hornmeister's seen it.'

'Really Dave...? He's going to be your brother-in-law.' I shivered.

'Please don't remind me.' She laughed.

Kittykat has a very marvy laugh.

'Would the Vati feel better if Kittykat came to Pizza-a-gogo-land with him?'

**1 minute later**

Kittykat started to nuzzle my neck.

I groaned. It felt very groovy.

'Naughty Kittykat.' Gee giggled against my skin.

**1 minute later**

Hmmm... Kittykat wants to come to Italy with me.

I would have to tell her that I speak the language of the Handbag Horse. She'd get cross, because I could have helped her with Masimo. But I'd like her to be there.

'Hmmm... Did Kittykat mean it?' She looked into my eyes.

'About coming to Italy?' I nodded. 'Yeah... Mills asked me to be her bridesmaid. Kittykat will be in Italy to protect Davey from those Handbag Horses.'

**1 minute later**

Snogging Kittykat.

I've changed my mind about Italy.

It's going to be fab.

_**A.N.**__** Hope everyone enjoyed these two chapters. I will be using Millie's wedding as the sequel of 'Because that is How Mr. and Mrs. Laugh do it'. That is if my readers want a sequel. Love Roxanne the Laugh... 3**_


	28. Vair awkward fandango

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

**28.** **Vair awkward fandango**

Friday, November 11

**6:10 am**

'Such a naughty Kittykat.'

I pulled the duvet over my head and giggled.

I was in my nuddy pants, so was Davey.

Dave laughed. 'Don't hide my pretty Kittykat.'

**1 minute later**

Dave started tickle bears.

I gasped. 'Dave... Stop it.'

'Can't do that Sex Kitten.'

**3 minute later, On the floor**

Tangled in the duvet.

Rather comfy next to Dave. He smells marvy.

We were lying silently. I wasn't sleepy just content.

**6:23 am**

Dave scooped me into his arms, placing me back on the bed.

'What are you doing?'

'Thought Kittykat was sleeping.'

**1 minute later**

Dave put his pyjama bottoms on.

'Did Kittykat do wrong last night?'

I'd enticed the Hornmeister's last night.

He didn't stop me, but he had seemed a little humpty dumpty.

'No Sex Kitten.' He smiled at me before climbing back into bed.

He wrapped his arms around me. 'It was exactly what I needed.'

**1 minute later**

'Dave... Why are you so miffed about Millie's marrying Tino?'

Dave didn't speak.

**5 minutes later**

'Please tell me.'

I turned to face him. I pressed my lips to his. 'Please.' I murmured against his lips.

Dave sighed. 'I've hated every horn partner that Mills and B have ever had.'

'Why?'

'They were all totally fabbity blokes, but they weren't having my sisters.'

Awww... That's really cute.

'Dave that's so vair cute, but Tino will look after Mills.'

**7:54 am**

Dave really cares about his sisters. I never realised how much he cared about them.

We had a vair long chitchat about it until Dave had to leave for school.

He snogged me goodbye. Number 5.

I watched Dave disappear up the street before falling back to boboland.

**9:45 am**

My mobiles ringing. Caller ID: Millie.

'Hi... Mills.' I yawned.

'Gee. Have you like seen that brother of mine?'

'Yep. He stayed over here last night.'

'Hmmm... He was supposed to like go out with Dad.'

'Woopies. That's completely my fault.' Millie laughed.

'It's okay Gee.'

**3 minutes later**

Millie's invited me to lunch.

'That sounds marvy Mills.'

'Great. I'll like totally pick you up around 12 ish. Ooo... And before I forget are you like coming London this weekend with me and B. Sweetie Pie can come too.'

I didn't have to think for long.

'Yep. I'll ask my Mutti.'

**5 minutes later**

Phoning Mutti.

'Hello Connie Nicolson speaking.'

'Hey Mutti. It's your dearest daughter.'

'Oh. What do you want Honey?'

'Can I go to London tomorrow with Dave's sisters? Dave's going too. We're going to watch a show. Ooo... And can I be a bridesmaid for one of Dave's sisters. She's getting married in Italy next summer.'

Mutti didn't reply straight away.

'How old are Dave's sisters?'

'20. They're vair responsible and...' Mutti chuckled.

'Alright Honey, you can go. We'll talk about Italy in person next week.' I smiled.

**10:03 am**

Packing a bag for this weekend.

What to take with me?

**10 minutes later**

This is harder than I thought it would be.

Hmmm... Pretty floral blouses or woolly jumpers?

**1 minute later**

What if it's sunny in London?

**1 minute later**

Blouses with brown boots and skinny jeans.

No... I'll take a woolly jumper just in case.

**10:32 am**

Packed half of my bag. That hardly took anytime at all.

Just have to decide of two marvy outfits now.

**5 minutes later**

Do I need to take a maturiosity dress for the evening?

Will Mil and B be wearing evening dress?

**1 minute later**

I'll take a cute dress just in case. My navy blue lace one with Mutti's black heels.

**10:45 am**

Sitting on my bag trying to force it shut.

**1 minute later**

Nope. It's not going to shut.

**11:01 am**

Gadzooks... Millie's early.

I wasn't even dressed. I opened the door in my Teletubby jimjams.

Mills laughed. 'Have I like ever told you how much of a laugh you are, Gee?'

I let Millie in. 'You're like such a good match for Sweetie Pie.'

**2 minutes later, My bedroom**

Millie is nosing around my room.

I'm sat on the edge of my bed.

'Mills?' She looked at me. 'Are you really going to move to Italy?'

She raised her eyebrows.

'Who told you that?'

'Dave... This morning: he was vair upset about it.' Millie frowned.

'Val's asked if I'd like to. I haven't decided yet... It'll depend if I get another role after the Sound of Music.'

'Oh... Dave said he'd miss you if you moved to Italy.' Millie smiled.

'I'd miss him too.'

**2 minutes later**

Silence. Vair awkward fandango.

**1 minute later**

'What else did Dave say?'

**1 minute later**

Telling Millie about my chitchat with Dave.

'He was vair miffed about the wedding.'

'Hmmm... He didn't take B's engagement well either.'

'Why?'

'He hasn't ever liked any of our boyfriends. No bloke is ever good enough. He's a smidge protective. We've just always like been there: he just doesn't want us to disappear. We're not going to disappear though and hopeful he'll soon have some lovely nieces or nephews to remind him of that... He'll wish we'd have gone when he's like got toddlers plaguing him.'

I laughed. Uncle Dave. Bet he's going to love that... Hehe.

**11:25 am**

Millie doing my makeup. She'd already chosen an outfit for me. I'm wearing denim skirt with bright pink tights and stripy knee high socks: and a cute tshirt.

We're going back to Dave's house. Mills is going to cook lunch.

She's also invited me to stay the night, because we've got an early start tomorrow.

I packed a change of clothes for tomorrow but otherwise I had everything else.

**2 minutes later, Millie's Car**

Millie has a marvy little car. It's a black vintage Mini.

I climbed into the passenger side.

'Your car's so fab... We've just got a clown car.'

'It was an 18th birthday present from like Mom and Dad. B has one too. Sweetie Pie like brought us the number plates. AM37 IAS and RE83 CCA: Amelia and Rebecca.'

I hadn't taken notice of the number plates.

**1 minute later**

'Have you planned anything else for the wedding?' Millie smiled.

'We're having an engagement party next week. You're like invited to that... And B's planning a bridal shower, not sure when. You'll come to that won't you? Because you'll like be too young to come to the hen party.' I nodded.

'Err... Yeah sure.'

'I'm thinking white for the ceremony. We'll like be asking everyone to wear white. Is that okay? You'll bridesmaid dress will be white.'

**1 minute later**

Millie has thought a lot about her wedding.

'Roxanne being my other bridesmaid. Little Ashleigh will be flower girl... Tino hasn't picked a best man but I think it'll be his brother. He asked Sweetie Pie to be an usher.'

'Oh... What did he say?'

'Erm... He laughed, but I slapped him around the back of the head. He'll agree eventually.'

**11:35 am, Dave's House**

Sat on the stairs removing my shoes.

'DAD! YOU STILL HOME?' Millie shouted up the stairs.

'YES POPPET! I'LL BE DOWN IN A MINUTE!'

Gadzooks... Forgot how much call-me-Richard sounds like Dave.

No. He's not Dave. Stop thinking about it.

You'll get stupid brain and make an utter fule of yourself.

'GEE WILL BE JOINING US FOR LUNCH! IS THAT LIKE OKAY?'

'SURE!' Nrrrghh...

Stop that. He's your horn partner's Vati. It's tres tres gross.

**2 minutes later, Kitchen**

Sat at the breakfast bar. Millie's rummaging through the fridge.

I've eschewed my red bottom with a firm hand.

'Are meatballs okay? In a tomato sauce okay with linguine.'

'Sounds fabbity.' Millie smiled.

**1 minute later**

Call-me-Richard appeared in the kitchen. He sat opposite me.

'Nice to see you again, Georgia.'

I smiled. 'Sorry about Dave last night. That was my fault.'

'Don't worry about it.'

**1 minute later**

Call-me-Richard started to ask me questions.

'Do you have any plans for your future?'

'I... I'd like to be a journalist.'

'That's nice little job. You must therefore plan to stay in education or seek an internship.'

'Erm... Yeah. I was looking at collage.'

'Good, good. Do you hope to have a family?'

'I... I... well... I haven't... I mean... I'd like... I think I'd like... you know kids.'

**1 minute later**

Richard left me alone.

'Poppet, are you making a dessert for tonight? In case Davey's dinner crashes and burns.'

Millie laughed. 'Definitely. I'm going to do a cheesecake.'

I raised an eyebrow. 'Is Dave cooking tonight?'

Richard and Millie both nodded.

'Yep. Mom wants him to like learn to cook.'

'But he can cook. He's cooked me dinner before.'

Richard laughed. 'Let me guess, macaroni cheese?'

'Yeah...'

'Hmmm... That's the culinary extent of Dave's knowledge. B taught him it.'

'Oh... What's he cooking tonight?' Millie smiled.

'Stir fry. We hope.' They both laughed again. Poor Davey.

**AN. I have a feeling my last AN confused some readers. Twelve more chapters to go.**** Love Roxanne the Laugh...**


	29. Like Kittykat's Nunga Nungas

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

**29.** **Like Kittykat's nunga-nungas**

Arvie with Mills and call-me-Richard was such a laugh.

Mills has an old PS1 with a dance mat. She really vair good at it.

I'm not... And call-me-Richard isn't.

Ended up laughing like an utter fule on fule tablets.

**3:15 pm**

The front door opened: then slammed shut.

Millie looked at Richard. Richard looked at Millie.

Richard sighed. 'Dave.'

**1 minute later**

Running up the stairs to see Dave.

Poked my head through his bedroom door.

Hehe... He's getting changed.

'Core. The Hornmeister gives Kittykat the horn.'

**1 minute later**

Dave's humpty dumpty face vanished when he saw me.

'Kittykat.'

**3 minutes later**

Snogging Dave. Number 8. Cheeky cat.

**3:35 pm**

'What's Kittykat doing in the Biscuits house?'

'Maria says Kittykat can stay the night. We're going to London early tomorrow.'

I ran my fingers through Dave's hair. 'And she wanted to see if the Hornmeister is alright?'

'The Hornmeister is as fine as... well two fine things. Like Kittykat's nunga-nungas.'

Yep. My Dave's fine.

'No more silliness about Millie's engagement?'

'Nope. Le Biscuits going to be the bigger camel.'

'Oh... That's good.'

'Indeed. The Doc phoned and reassured Jack everything will be a-okay.'

**1 minute later**

I can't keep up with all these nicknames.

'Who's the Doc?'

'Millie's Clone. Do try and keep up Kittykat?'

Arr... It makes sense now. He's spoken to Rebecca.

**4 minutes later**

Davey's stroking Kittykat's head.

It's vair nice. Kittykat likes.

**3:43 pm**

I'm going to be in boboland any... zzzzzz.

_**2 minutes later**_

'_Kittykat come find me.' _

_How did I end up in a meadow?_

_I looked around for Dave. 'Kittykat...'_

_I walked towards Dave's voice._

_**1 minute later**_

_Core... Hornmeister in nuddy pants in amongst the flowers._

'_Join me Sex Kitten. Let you're nungas roam free.'_

_**2 minutes later**_

_Running through the meadow in our nuddy pants. _

_I must be dreaming._

**5:32 pm**

'Kittykat... Wakey, wakey eggs and bakey.' I opened my eyes.

Bugger. It was a dream.

I gave Dave evils.

'You just interrupted a vair pleasant dream.'

'Really? Was the Hornmeister there?' I flushed red.

'Maybe...' Dave laughed, whilst stroking my cheek.

'You can tell the Biscuit all about it later.'

**5 minutes later, At the dining table**

Yummy. Dave's stir fry looks marvy.

Call-me-Jane has joined us.

She's talking about her day at work.

'And then this patient actually thought he was some sort of superhero. He actually ran into a wall.'

'What did he have wrong with him?'

'Well concussion after the wall incident... But he came in with gastroenteritis.'

**1 minute later**

Call-me-Jane has turned doctor on us. Even call-me-Richard looked lost.

**2 minutes later**

'We also had a patient with Rheumatic fever. It's quite advance: we think it'll need to operate to restore the blood flow. It'll means...'

Call-me-Richard interrupted her. 'Honey, as much as we love these stories: they're incredibly boring.'

Jane gave him an evil glare. 'Fine. Pookie how was your day at school?'

**1 minute later**

Dave's on the floor. He'd fallen backwards off his chair.

'What me?'

'Yes. You're Pookie.'

'Err... Jack the Biscuit put hot sauce in the meatloaf surprise. It's Darren favourite. He couldn't even tell Jack off. It was such a laugh.' Jane sighed.

**6:55 pm, Dave's Living Room**

Watching films with Dave's family. I'm sat on Dave's lap.

Valentino has joined us for the movie.

He has Millie in his arms and their whispering in Pizza-a-gogese.

'Kittykat...?'

'Yes.'

'Lobe you.'

I smiled, running my fingers down Dave's cheek.

'Hmmm... I like the Hornmeister too.'

**7:14 pm**

Dave fell to sleep.

**1 minute later**

Hehe... Davey snores.

Saturday, November 12

**1:39 am**

Don't remember falling to sleep.

How did we get into bed?

Why's Dave in his nuddy pants?

**1 minute later**

Gosh... I'm so vair sleepy.

**1 minute later**

Zzzzzz...

**7:06 am**

Hmmm... Dave smells so vair marvy.

'Morning Kittykat.'

'Morning Hornmeister.' I looked up.

Oh... He's wearing jimjams now.

'No fair you're wearing jimjams.' Dave laughed.

'Indeed. Does it bother Kittykat?' Cheek cat.

I wacked him in the stomach.

**1 minute later**

Ouch... That hurt me more than it did him.

Dave's laughing like a loon on loon tablets.

I got out of bed.

**2 minutes later**

Getting dressed.

Giving Dave the cold shoulder.

'Awww... Sex Kitten giving Davey the cold shoulder.'

Dave's arms wrapped around my waist.

I'm in my undercrackers. 'Davey sorry his stomach hurt Kittykat's hand.'

**1 minute later**

Hmmm... Neck snogging. Number 6¾.

**5 minutes later**

Ekk... Dave scooped me into his arms.

'Mills. Sex Kitten and Sweetie Pie are ready to go.'

WHAT?

**1 minute later**

Sitting in the back of Mills' car.

In my undercrackers. I hate Davey.

**7:23 am**

It's vair nippy noodles in Mills' car.

Tino's in the passenger seat, giving me funny looks.

**1 minute later**

Millie climbed in behind the wheel. She laughed.

'Let me guess. Dave?' I nodded. 'That's Dave for you.'

**1 minute later**

Dave climbed in next to me. He pouted.

'I sorry pretty little Sex Kitten.'

He shuffled closer to me: wrapped a blanket around my shoulders.

'I'm not talking to the Hornmeister.'

'But Kittykat is so enticing. The Hornmeister couldn't help himself.'

**7:35 am**

Snogging Dave. Number 7, or is it number 8 if you're in a car.

**1 minute later**

Millie's telling us off.

'Stop it you two. I'm like trying to drive.'

We laughed like loon. Dave didn't remove his hands from the cups of my over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder.

I raised my eyebrows.

'Dave?' He raised his eyebrows higher.

'Yes.'

'You're hands are still on my nungas.'

'Indeed.' He applied pressure.

**8:00 am**

'THE HILLS ARE ALIVE WITH THE SOUND OF PANTS...'

We're bored. Mills isn't impressed by our singing.

'You two are really very annoying.' Millie turned the radio on.

**15 minutes later, Service Station on the M1**

Millie parked next to Rebecca.

Rebecca and Charles sat in Rebecca's car.

**1 minute later**

Rebecca's leaning through the passenger window were Tino is sitting.

'Ciao Tino. Come stai?'

Hmmm... Do all the Laughs speak Pizza-a-gogese?

No because Davey doesn't.

**2 minutes later**

Rebecca has got me some clothes.

Dave decided to try and help me get dress, but it was just an excuse to fondle me.

He wasn't vair helpful. A nuisance really.

**8:35 am**

Had breaky in the service station.

'What is Ash's wife like?' I was now sat with B and Millie.

'She's very like pretty and...'

'Amazingly talented. She's a better singer than Millie, but...'

'She like turned down a recording contract because...'

'She wouldn't leave Ash...

'And Ashleigh. Ashleigh like...

'Means the world to her.'

**1 minute later**

Bugger... I'm going to be the ugly bridesmaid.

Dave had returned from the loo. B raised her eyebrows.

'Why do you look so smug?' Dave didn't reply.

**1 minute later**

Dave had let Tino walk into the tarts wardrobe.

Mills' face fell. She hit Dave.

'THAT'S NOT NICE! YOU'RE GOING TO APOLOGISE!'

'The Vati isn't?'

'YES YOU ARE!' Mills sounds vair scary.

**1 minute later**

Tino's come back with Charles.

Millie nudged Dave in the side. Hard.

'Sorry.' Dave muttered under his breath.

'DAVID!'

'The Biscuit doesn't speak Handbag Horse.'

'Yes. Yes you do, now like apologise to Tino.'

'Sweetie Pie just do it, before Mills explodes.'

Dave sighed. 'Mi dispiace. Avrei impedito di entrare bagni delle ragazze.'

**8:40 am**

What? Dave speaks Italian.

Why hadn't he told me?

He could have taught me, when I was dating Mas.

Not that I'd have learnt much.

The lessons would have just been snogging extravaganza.

**1 minute later**

Staring at Dave. He stared back at me.

'I sorry Kittykat.'

'Why didn't you tell me you spoke Pizza-a-gogese?'

'Because then the Hornmeister would have lost Kittykat.'

Awww... How can I be mad when he gives that type of answer?

**8:43 am**

Millie isn't speaking to Dave.

She didn't even want him in her car.

We had to go in Rebecca's car.

B gave Dave a long lecture.

'You shouldn't tease him. You know it upsets Mills. She's...'

Dave wasn't listening. He was running his fingers though my hair.

I raised my eyebrows at him.

He raised his higher.

I tried to make mine higher. Dave laughed.

'You look ridiculous Kittykat.'

**2 minute later**

Snogging Dave. Number 6.

**9:02 am**

Traffic jam.

'Are we there yet Doc?'

Hmmm... Davey's bored. Rebecca sighed.

'No. Sweetie Pie we're stuck in traffic.' Dave smirked.

'Are we there yet?'

**32 minutes later**

'Are we there now?' Dave's still at it.

'NO!' Rebecca's getting annoyed.

**1 minute later**

Snogging Dave. Number 6.

'Thank you Gee.'

**9:53 am**

Hmmm... Nip libbling.

**5 minutes later**

Dave's vibrating.

'Hornmeister, you're vibrating?' Dave winked at me.

'Kittykat likes.' I raised an eyebrow.

**1 minute later**

It was Dave's mobile vibrating. He ignored the call.

'Right Sex Kitten, where were we?' I sighed.

**1 minute later**

Snogging Dave again. Number 8.


	30. EXACTAMONDO SEX KITTEN!

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

**30. ****EXACTAMONDO SEX KITTEN!**

**10:34 am, London**

Gadzooks... Our hotel room is tres tres romantic.

It's all dark red and cosy. Dave winked at me.

'You're such a tart.' Dave laughed.

'Dave the Tart at your service.'

I shook my head.

'You're such a loon.'

'Arr... The loon is Kittykat.' I laughed.

'Just snog me already.'

**1 minute later**

Snogging Dave. Number 6.

**5 minutes later**

Someone's knocking at our door. It's Rebecca.

'We're going to meet up with Ja.M.O. Are you two coming?'

Dave jumped up off the bed. 'Come Kittykat.' I smiled.

'Where we meeting them?' B looked at me.

'They're playing a gig at 12 o'clock. The club owner lets their friends in early.'

'Oh...'

**3 minutes later, Streets of London**

Walking along holding the Hornmeister's hand.

Mills claims the club isn't far from the hotel.

**20 minutes later**

Hmmm... Mills seems to have a different definition for 'not far'.

Dave's whining because we're still walking. He'd apologised to Mills before we left the hotel, so she's stopped giving him the ole' cold shoulder. She smacked him around the head as he continued to whine.

'It's just up here, Sweetie Pie. Stop like being such a baby.'

'Maria said not far. The Biscuit thinks it is very far.'

'It's literally a thirty minute walk... But if Sweetie Pie can't like walk another step Tino can always carry him.'

Dave just muttered under his breath.

**11:23 am, The Broken Chords **

The Broken Chords club is hidden down a side street.

We went straight in. It's so vair marvy inside.

It's dark except for lots of groovy disco lights.

**1 minute later**

Sat down with Davey at one of the tables.

He put his arm around me. 'Kittykat is very quiet.'

**2 minutes later**

Dave kissed me on the forehead. 'Is she okay?' I nodded.

'Yes. Kittykat is okay.' Dave smiled.

'Good... Means Kittykat can dance with the Biscuit.'

**1 minute later**

Dave pulled me onto the dance floor. He's such a fule.

We danced even though there's no music.

'Dave, there's no music.' He raised his eyebrows at me.

I raised mine higher.

Dave went to raise his even higher.

'Dave you're such a loon.'

**1 minute later**

Hmmm... Dave looks beyond the valley of confusiosity.

Why?

'Robbie?'

What?

**2 minutes later**

Gadzooks... Robbie and Mas are here.

And they've seen me: dancing with Dave to no music.

Robbie's laughing.

'Did expect to see you two loons?'

'Nrrrghh...' Bugger.

**1 minute later**

Sat down between Dave and Robbie.

'Ciao Mas.' Masimo smiled.

'Ciao Cara.'

'How are you finding London?'

'It's how you say vair marvy... '

I'm glad Mas is talking to me.

**12:13 pm**

Mas has gone to talk to Tino.

Dave's still talking to Robbie.

'So you're memory came back?'

'Indeed. Rolland gave me a good whack over the head and the Vati was back in business... Terrorising HM Foxwoods and flirting with the ladeez.'

Robbie laughed. 'Never change do you?'

'Nope.'

**1 minute later**

Ja.M.O have just started their set.

Mills wants to dance.

She's dragging me towards the dance floor.

'LIKE COME ON GEE! SWEETIE PIE SAYS YOU'RE A FAB DANCER!'

I left Dave talking to Robbie.

**1 minute later**

Shouting over the music at Millie.

'WHAT IS ASH'S WIFE CALLED?'

'ROXANNE! SHE WENT TO SCHOOL WITH ME AND B!'

**5 minutes later**

Rebecca had joined us on the ole' dance floor.

Her and Mills are talking about the wedding.

'ARE YOU GOING TO ASK TINO'S SISTER TO BE A BRIDESMAID?'

'I... I HAVEN'T LIKE DECIDED YET!'

'I REALLY THINK YOU SHOULD!'

'I'LL LIKE HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT!'

**1 minute later**

Dancing with Dave.

He'd pulled me away from his sisters.

'KITTYKAT! ROBBIE SAYS HIS MUTTI'S NOT MOVING TO LONDON!'

'THAT'S GREAT! THAT MEANS TOM ISN'T MOVING!'

'EXACTAMONDO SEX KITTEN! THE VOLEY COUPLE LIVE ON!' I laughed.

Dave twirled me. I love dancing with Dave.

**12:45 pm**

Dancing sure is thirsty work. Dave brought me a drink.

'MILLS SAID TINO ASKED YOU TO BE AN USHER!'

'HMMM... THE HORNMEISTER DOESN'T USHER UNLESS HE'S USHERING KITTYKAT OFF TO BED!'

Mas and Robbie had overheard Dave so I flushed red.

Dave just had a cheeky grin on his face. 'AWWW. KITTYKAT CAN'T DENY THAT SHE DOESN'T LIKE.'

**1 minute later**

I hit Dave. He snogged me. Number 6.

**1:09 pm**

Tino came over to sit next to Masimo. They started to talk Pizza-a-gogese.

I spoke to Robbie.

'WHERE'S SARA TODAY?' Robbie smiled.

'SHE'S GONE SHOPPING WITH HER FRIENDS!'

'OH! DAVE SAID YOUR MUM ISN'T MOVING! JAZZY WILL BE PLEASED!'

'ERR... YEAH. I TOLD HER NOT TO! SHE LIKES IT AT HOME AND I'LL VISIT!'

'THAT WOULD BE MARVY!'

**5 minutes later**

Dave's just turned into the Incredible Sulk.

He wouldn't tell me why. He stormed off to the wazzarium.

Robbie raised his eyebrows.

'WHAT'S UP WITH HIM?' I shrugged my shoulders.

'I DON'T KNOW!'

I asked Robbie to go find Dave for me.

Hmmm... When did Robbie and I become such good matey-type mates?

**1 minute later**

Ekk... Mas and Tino are looking at me.

'Is all okay, Cara?' I nodded.

'It's fine Mas. Robbie's gone to find Dave.'

'Lui è arrabbiato per il matrimonio.' Mas nodded.

I didn't bother asking.

**1:18 pm**

Robbie came back. He asked me to dance.

**1 minute later, The Dance Floor **

'I DIDN'T KNOW DAVE SPOKE ITALIAN!'

'ME NEITHER UNTIL THIS MORNING! WHAT DID HE SAY?'

'VALENTINO HAS ASKED MAS TO BE BEST MAN AT MILLS' WEDDING!'

'REALLY?'

'YEAH! THEY'VE BEEN SPENDING A LOT OF TIME TOGETHER WHILST MILLS HAS BEEN AWAY VISITING HER FAMILY!' That's strange Millie never mentioned that.

'AND DAVE DOESN'T WANT MAS THERE!' Hmmm... Why would Dave be jealous? I don't love Mas anymore.

'IT MUST BE HARD FOR HIM GEE! MAS IS YOUR EX! THEY'VE NEVER SEEN EYE TO EYE!'

'HE'S ALRIGHT WITH YOU!'

'I WAS HIS MATE BEFORE YOU! I'LL ALWAYS BE HIS MATE!'

**1:23 pm**

My not-so-jolly-green-eyed horn partner wanted to leave.

We told Millie and B. They told us to meet them back at the hotel for five o'clock.

**4 minutes later**

Walking along holding Dave's hand.

'Robbie told me.'

'Did he?' Ooo... Dave the Un-Laugh.

'Yes. Is the Hornmeister going to tell Kittykat why he's got the mega hump?'

'Because I don't trust that bloody Handbag Horses!' I sighed.

'Hmmm... But Kittykat is over the Handbag Horse.'

Dave gave me a proper death glare.

'The Handbag Horse doesn't seem to agree.' What?

'Dave... What in the name of Jazzy's humungous knickers are you talking about?'

'The Handbag Horse is up to something. You'll see.'

'Dave don't be a div. We're just mates.'

'Fine... But there will be fisticuffs if he tries to take you from me.'

**10 minutes later**

Dave's not talking to me.

I had yanked my hand out of his and was walking ahead of him.

He was being childish.

**3 minutes later**

'Kittykat...'

'What do you want Dave?'

'The Biscuit doesn't like it when Kittykat's mad at him.'

I looked at him. He was pouting at me.

He looked tres tres ridiculous. I laughed.

'Dave you look ridiculous.'

'Does Kittykat forgive Davey?' I smiled.

'I guess so. She does love him after all.' Dave smiled.

**1:57 pm, A Vair Cute Restaurant**

Dave took me for lunch.

'Kittykat may order anything she likes.'

**1 minute later**

We sat opposite each other once Dave had ordered.

'Would Kittykat come to the movies with the Biscuit on Wednesday?'

'Kittykat doesn't see why not.' Dave smiled.

'I lobe you Kittykat.'

'I love you Dave.'

**3:03 pm**

Lunch with Dave was vair marvy.

He ordered me the biggest dessert on the menu. It was humongous.

Hmmm... Being with Dave is really going to make me vair portly.

Maybe I should to start jogging.

**5 minutes later**

Wondering through the shops with Dave. We had some time to waste.

**4:23 pm**

I'd helped Davey pick a suit for the Christmas Ball.

He wasn't please it was purple but I insisted.

My dress was purple, so we would be all matchy.

**1 minute later, Our hotel room**

Getting changed for the show tonight.

Dave sat on the bed watching. He didn't change.

'Kittykat is so sexy.' I looked at Dave.

'The Hornmeister is such a flirt.' Dave winked at me.

**1 minute later**

Snogging Dave. Number 6.

**12 minutes later**

Lying on the bed.

**4:38 pm**

Someone is at the door. It's Rebecca.

'Ready for dinner?' I'd answered the door.

I looked at Dave who nodded.

'Sure.' He got to his feet.

**3 minute later**

Walking down to the restaurant.

'Did you have a nice afternoon?'

'Yes... We got Dave a suit for the Christmas Ball.'

Rebecca smiled. 'I can't wait to see him in all dressed up.'

Dave gave his sister death glares.

**5 minutes later, The Hotel Restaurant**

We're all sat together.

The Laughs are talking about their Vati's birthday.

It's in a couple of week's time. They haven't got him a present yet.

'He wants new golf clubs.' Dave's face fell.

'No... Because then the Biscuit has to go act like a ponce. He don't like golf.'

Mills laughed. 'B. I think we should.' Dave gave her death glares.

**7:02 pm**

Dinner was vair yummy. We sat talking for ages.

We're now walking towards the tube station.

**10 minutes later**

We had to take lots of different tubes to reach the theatre.

It was practically the other side of London.

It took a vair long time.

Davey and I sat snogging for most of the journey. Number 6 mostly.

**7:50 pm, The Theatre... Finally**

Sitting in the theatre. The show starts in ten minutes.

'Roxanne will be the dancer...'

'Who's like slightly mad. She'll move quicker than...'

'The other dancers. That's just...'

'Her style. She'll be first one on.' I nodded.

**8:35 pm**

Gadzooks... Roxanne is a vair marvy dancer.

She's vair pretty too. But I'm not on the turn.

She had blonde hair like her daughter.

She looks vair much like her daughter.

**4 minutes later**

Davey has fallen to sleep.

B nudged him in the ribs. He jumped.

'Is it over?' B giggled.

'No... Sweetie Pie.'

Dave leaned his head on my shoulder.

**1 minute later**

Dave keeps nodding off.

He wasn't enjoying himself.

**10:06 pm**

The show was fabbity.

Dave didn't see much of it.

**1 minute later, Walking to the Tube Station**

We'd left the theatre.

I was vair sleepy.

'Does Kittykat want Davey to carry her?'

I nodded, so Dave stopped walking. He let me get on his back.

**10 minutes later, The Tubes**

Almost asleep in Davey's arm.

'Awww... Kittykat's sleepy'

'Hmmm...' I tucked my head under Dave's chin.

**1 minute later**

Zzzzzz...

Sunday, November 13

**2:20 pm**

The journey home from London was vair long.

Millie dropped me off at home.

**1 minute later**

I snogged Dave goodbye. Number 6.

'S'later Kittykat. Remember never try to snog an irritable camel. It'll just spit on you.'

I raised my eyebrows before sighing.

'S'later Hornmeister.'

**3 minutes later, My bedroom**

Phoning Jas.

'Hello Jas speaking.'

'Jas! It's me.'

'Hey Gee... How was London?'

'It was amazing. Ash's wife is such a vair marvy dancer.'

Jas silent. 'Jas, did you hear me?'

'Yes. It sounds lovely. Do you think you're moving too fast with Dave?'

'No!' How could she suggest that?

**1 minute later**

Hung up on Jas.

_**A.N. **__**Hope you enjoyed this next chapter. There's a lot packed into it I know, but a lot of it will become relevant in the sequel. I promise now that the sequel will be worth the wait. There are 8 more chapters to go in 'Because that is how Mr. and Mrs. Laugh do it...' which I will try to complete as quickly as I can write. I am definitely looking forward to writing the sequel and I hope my readers will stick with me. I also felt the Dylans need another short appearance. And a name finally needed to be given to Ash's wife who will be featured in the sequel. Also I would like to take the chance to say that all of my own characters are completely fictional and any resemblance to real people is purely coincidental. I haven't put myself into the story as Ash's wife. I have purely used a character which I write about a lot in other pieces of work. She is purely my fictional creation. It by coincidence and lack of creativity, when it comes to creative pen names, that I choose this character to be my pen name. Anyway, that's a very long A.N. Hope you all enjoy this chapter and keep on reviewing because it really helps me write. Love Roxanne the Laugh...**_


	31. Because Vati is a Lazy Coot

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

**31.** **Because Vati is a lazy coot**

Monday, November 14

**5:34 am**

Time for an early morning jog.

What does one wear on an early morning jog?

**1 minute later**

An old tshirt and joggerbums with trainers.

No one's going to see me.

**3 minutes later**

Sneaking out of the house.

It's quite nippy noodles out here.

**1 minute later**

Hmm... Don't know why I've never done this before.

It's vair groovy.

**2 minutes later**

Oh that's right. It's because I'm totally out of shape.

**5:46 am, the Park**

Behind a bush, clutching my knees.

Panting like some mad loon.

**4 minutes later**

Ekk... I'm not the only person in the park.

**1 minute later**

Bugger. It's call-me-Richard and Dave.

And I'm not wearing any makeup.

'Why do we not do this more often Dave?'

I stayed behind the bush.

'Because Vati is a lazy coot.' Richard hit Dave.

'That's not true.' They both laughed.

**5:56 am**

Core. I'm defo coming back tomorrow.

Dave and Richard have stopped in the middle of the park to workout.

They're not wearing their tshirts. There's a vair marvy view.

**10 minutes later**

I really need to sneeze. 'Aaahchooo!'

Oops... Dave and Richard heard me.

'What was that?' Dave smirked.

'Perhaps there's a Kittykat in the bushes.'

**4 minutes later**

I ran. Stupid idea... Don't you loons think I know that?

Dave caught me easily. He wrapped his arms around my waist.

'Why is Kittykat stalking the Biscuit?' I was panting like a fule again.

'I... I wasn't... I... I was out for... a jog.' Dave raised his eyebrows.

'Kittykat sounds out of breath?'

**1 minute later**

Sat on the floor. Leaning against Dave's shoulder.

'Why did Kittykat not say she jogs? The Hornmeister could have called for her.'

I shook my head. I would drop dead if I joined in with Dave's workout.

'You'd kill me.' Dave chuckled.

'I'm sure Sex Kitten would get used to it. The Biscuit would slow down for her.'

I smiled.

**6:18 am**

Dave carried me home.

He sat me on my wall and snogged me. Number 6.

**5 minutes later**

'S'later Kittykat. We'll talk this arvie.' I nodded.

'S'later.' Dave smirked.

'Oh and the Biscuit thinks Kittykat looks beautiful.'

Dave then kissed me on the forehead before running off up the street.

**3 minutes later, My bedroom**

'GEORGIA!'

'WHAT? I'M TRYING NOT TO FAINT UP HERE!'

**1 minute later**

Mutti barged into my room.

'Morning Darling, I made you breakfast.'

Breakfast in bed? What does she want?

'Mutti, are you feeling okay?'

'Of course Hun. I just need a little chat.'

Arr... What is it now?

'What about?'

'I've booked you an appointment at the hospital...'

Not my bloody elbows again.

'Why?'

**2 minutes later**

Mutti has booked me an appointment at the sexual health clinic.

She thinks it's time I went on the pill.

'You and Davey are getting pretty serious. It's just in case Davey can't behave himself.'

'MUTTI!' I was vair shocked. 'DAVE ALWAYS BEHAVES HIMSELF AROUND ME!'

Most of the time anyway, but she didn't need to know that.

'Look Georgia, Hun. Go along to this appointment. Take Dave with you, if you don't want to go alone. Get yourself on the pill and I'll let you go to Italy next summer.'

Arr... Blackmail. Looks like I have no choice. I'd have to go to this appointment.

**8:40 am**

Walking to Jazzy Spazzy's house.

My appointment at the sexual health clinic is tomorrow at four o'clock.

I don't think I'm going to take Dave with me.

It would be awkward enough without him making jokes.

**8:45 am, Jas' House**

Jas is sitting on the wall waiting for me.

'Gee, are you okay? I told Jas about the appointment.

She said that she's already on the pill.

She took Tom to her appointment. Figures.

'But I can't take Dave because he'll just be a loon.'

'You have to tell him were you're going. He might want to go with you.'

'Maybe.' I really doubt that Dave will want to talk about contraception.

**8:55 am, Assembly**

Slim has actually done something vair marvy.

She's letting us go to Alton Towers this Friday, with the guys from Foxwoods.

**1 minute later**

Hmmm... I think she rates Darren.

I passed RoRo a note.

_Me thinks Slim rates Mr. Powers a little too much. Gee_

_Someone should warn the poor bloke. ; ) RoRo_

_I'll text __the Hornmeister later. He's bound to have been sent to Mr. Powers office. Gee_

RoRo gave me a quick Klingon salute.

**9:17 am, German**

Herr Kamyer is helping RoRo with her coursework.

Our coursework is titled 'Someone Who Makes a Difference in My Life'.

RoRo is writing about Sven.

'Rosemary, zee idea iz to vrite about a veal perzon.'

I laughed: RoRo's face fell.

'Sven is a really person, Sir. I've met him.' RoRo smiled at me.

**3 minutes later**

RoRo's coursework is vair amusing.

_The person in my life who makes a difference is my big viking boyfriend Sven.__ He enjoys pickled herring and wearing furry shorts. He is very tall and quite mad. Sometimes. He even has a beard: I like his beards. He doesn't speak much english but always makes himself very clear. He DJ's at the local clubs and loves to boogy down on the dance floor. He's always picking people up and throwing them over his shoulder. I love him because he protects me. He is really very funny and rather violent at times. He likes snogging me all the time and we're going to get married in eighteen years time. We'll move to viking land were I shall be his queen. We will have lots of mad children and raise them in the ways of the viking._

**2 minutes later**

'Does Kittykat like?' I laughed.

'RoRo you're such a loon.'

**1 minute later**

Ouch... She hit me. She also took my exercise book.

She's reading my coursework aloud.

'My life has changed because of a certain Laugh. Dave is vair vair cute. He has sparkly blue eyes, scruffy dark brown hair and a really groovy smile. He likes being a fool and spending time with me. He attends Foxwoods all boys school where he's the top camel. I've known him for a vair long time. He's always been nice to me even when I wasn't that nice to him. We always forgive each other. He has two sisters: they're twins and older than him. Amelia is on the west end in London whilst Rebecca is at university studying to be a doctor. Dave introduced me to them a few weeks ago. I feel very at home in Dave's family. I think...'

I snatched my book out of RoRo's hand. I'd turned into a big red loon.

'Awww... Gee that's tres tres cute.'

The Ace Gang hadn't laughed, but like Jools they'd thought it was cute.

**3 minutes later**

Texting Dave.

_Davey? Gee._

**1 minute later**

Dave texted back

_What does Sex Kitten want? Davey's busy writing lines. Dave xxx._

_Lines...? Why? What did you do this time? Gee._

_The Biscuit was framed... He's phoned his lawyers but alas they are at work. Dave xxx._

_What...? Dave you don't have a lawyer. Gee._

_That is where Kittykat is wrong. The Biscuit has to very good lawyers Mutti and Vati. xxx._

**1 minute later**

_What did you do? Gee._

_The Biscuit accidently left a frog in Red-Lighters classroom. It ended up in her ice tea. She almost swallowed it... Then she had the cheek to blame the Vati. Dave xxx. And where are my kisses from my fair Kittykat._

I really do wonder why I even ask sometimes.

_What lines do you have to write? Gee xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx. - Better?_

_Much. I have to write out Darren's 'Things I must not do at Foxwoods'. He calls it the Biscuits personalised punishment. Dave. _

**10:20 am, Blodge **

Mabs is painting her toenails. She has a date with Ed tonight.

'Where's Edward taking you?'

'Don't know. He said it was a surprise.' Ooo-err...

'Gee. You haven't told us about London yet.'

RoRo was now wearing her beard.

Mabs and Jools were just staring at me like two strange stare-y things.

'It was good. Ash's wife is a vair fab dancer. She's vair pretty too.'

'Awww... Is Kittykat on the turn?' I hit RoRo.

'Non my bestest pally. I am not on the turn. Roxanne is just vair pretty.'

**1 minute later**

I told the Ace Gang about the tiff that Dave and I had about Mas.

RoRo started to stroke her beard.

'Maybe the Handbag Horse still rates Kittykat.'

I raised my eyebrows.

'It is possible Gee.'

'But... like... Gee... well... she... like she... didn't she... tell... Mas... I mean... she's... with... Dave.'

'We're just friends.' RoRo raised her eyebrows higher than mine.

'But Kittykat and the Hornmeister where 'just mates'.'

**1 minute later**

'RoRo that isn't the same. I love Dave. I don't even have anything in common with Mas.'

'Arr... Well the Viking Bride warns Kittykat to keep her mincers on him.'

**4 minutes later**

Radio Jas interrupted the conversation.

'Gee's going to the sexual health clinic tomorrow. Do you think she should take Dave with her?'

I hit Jazzy. She wasn't supposed to go blurting that out.

RoRo is stroking her beard.

'Arr... Our little Kittykat needs the pill.' I've turned into a giant red loon.

'She... I... well... aren't... like... Dave... shouldn't... you... I...' Ellen had also turned red.

**1 minute later**

Jools thinks I should take Dave with me. 'He won't mess about. He loves you and this is vair important.'

RoRo said not to. 'I didn't take Sven. The doc said lots of girls go on their own.'

I'm going to wait and see if Dave wants to come with me.

**11:16 am, Break**

Hiding in the Tarts Wardrobe. It's raining outside.

**1 minute later**

Phoning Dave.

'Kittykat has reached the Hornmeister's detention suite. How may he help you?'

'Dave. Are you free to talk?'

'To Kittykat, the Biscuit is always free. And Darren doesn't mind either.'

I laughed. 'I have a thing at the doctors tomorrow.'

'A thing?'

'Yeah, an appointment thingy. Mutti booked it.'

'Kittykat is sick?'

'No. It's... erm... well... it's... like for... I mean... it's... err...'

'Ellen. Put Kittykat back on the phone.' I gulped. 'Mutti says I can go to Italy with you next summer... But I... I have to... like get the pill first.'

**1 minute later**

Dave was silent. 'Dave? Are you still there?'

'Erm... err... yeah... I...'

'You don't have to come with me. Unless you want too.'

'Can the Biscuit think about it?'

'Yes.'

**11:35 am, English**

All I can think about is Dave's reaction.

The Ace Gang had been listening but they hadn't spoken about it.

It's going to be a vair long day.

**20 minutes later**

Looked at the clock. 20 minutes?

Is that it? It felt like hours had passed.

**3:00 pm, The Tarts Wardrobe**

I can see Dave at the gates with the rest of the Barmy Army.

He's laughing and messing about with them. I was ready to explode.

The Ace Gang hugged their betrothed.

Dave and I stood staring at one another.

'Hey Kittykat.'

**1 minute later**

He took my hand. We walked off down the hill.

'Did you think about what I said?'

'Yes... I can't Kittykat. I'm sorry.'

He put his arm around me. I smiled.

'It's alright.' Dave changed the subject.

He passed me a piece of paper.

'What's this?'

'The Biscuits lines. Darren gave them an A+ for neatness.'

I unfolded the piece of paper. And started to read.

_Things I must not do at Foxwoods_

_I must not ask Ms. Star her nightly rate. She is not a woman of the night._

_I must not make explosives in Chemistry. One of these days I__'__m going to succeed._

_I must not set off the fire alarm if I__'__m late for class._

_I must not pull Moonies at the Ofsted inspectors. They haven__'__t come to inspect my botty. _

_I must not ask our visitors from the sexual health clinic inappropriate questions about condoms... They do not find it funny._

_I must not use the younger years as step ladders when the football gets kicked onto the roof. I also must not climb onto the roof to hide from Mr. Powers when he__'__s looking for me._

_If I find something funny for more than 25 seconds then I__'__m probably not allowed to do it._

_I must not use my camel as an excuse to bunk off of school. _

_I must not throw food at the younger years. Even if I think it builds character. _

_I must not pants Mr. Powers. Even when he__'__s interfering in our games of pants-ing. Especially if he__'__s wearing the underwear which Mrs. Powers picked out for him._

_I must not tell my gullible substitute teachers that the Germans are coming and make the whole class take up bombing positions under the tables. This goes for Earthquakes too. _

_I will not tell Mr. Slade, our hard working grounds keeper, that Rolland just got hit by a bus. It is cruel and almost gave Mr. Slade a heart attack when he saw Rolland laying at the side of the road covered in ketchup. _

_There is not conspiracy. Ms. Star is not a Russian double agent._

_The school governor doesn__'__t need to see me handcuffed to the railings at the front of the school. It isn__'__t funny and the governor doesn__'__t have a sense of humour. _

_Darren__'__s two year old son is not my partner in crime._

_Selling lift passes to gullible new kids is not necessary. There is also not student run initiation test for new kids. I must not make them carry my books or tell them that they have to fight Sven._

_I do not have my own theme tune and should not be skipping down the hallways singing it. _

_Flirty with the Librarian will get me nowhere. I__'__m still not allowed to photocopy my botty._

_I must not make fun of younger years in PE. This is Darren__'__s job._

_I must not flirt with Mrs. Powers. Even if she finds it endearing. _

_The school IT department isn__'__t being paid to sort out my viruses. _

_I must not kiss other blokes. Even if they are Kittykat__'__s in disguise._

_Wearing skirts is not appropriate. I must not protest, because I think the school uniform denies our feminine rights. _

_I must not put hot sauce in the meatloaf because some of us like it just the way it is._

_I must not try to feed frogs to my teachers. Even if I think they__'__re a little on the skinny side._

**2 minutes later**

I laughed. 'You told your caretaker that Rollo got hit by a bus?' Dave nodded.

'Yep... Ole' Sladee almost gave Rollo mouth to mouth. Rollo came back to life pretty quickly.'

'I told Elvis that Jas was on fire once... He came running out of his hut with his fire extinguisher.'

Dave laughed. 'Arr... This is why Kittykat is the Biscuits horn partner.' I smiled.

**4 minutes later, My house**

Snogging Dave. Number 7.

**1 minute later**

'S'later Kittykat. I love you.' I smiled.

'S'later Hornmeister. Kittykat loves you too.'

I watched Dave as he wondered off up the street.

He's so gorgey.


	32. Back to the Lands of Dave's POV

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

**32. ****Back to the Lands of the Out of Date Biscuit**__**|Dave's POV|**

Tuesday, November 15

**5:45 am**

'DAVID! GEORGIA'S HERE!' What?

**2 minutes later**

Gee appeared in my bedroom.

'Is Jack the Biscuit not jogging today?'

**1 minute later**

Fell out of bed. Gee giggled whilst helping me to my feet.

'Sex Kitten said she didn't want to jog with the Hornmeister.'

'She did not such thing.'

'Yeah you did Kittykat.'

'She's changed her mind.'

Hmmm... The Biscuit doesn't feel like jogging.

**1 minute later**

Snogging Kittykat.

**2 minutes later**

Kittykat pushed me away.

'Dave... Your breath is really vair bad.'

Oops. I forgot about the morning breath.

'Sorry.' Gee smiled.

'Go clean your teeth. Kittykat would like another snog.'

Core... She such a minx.

**1 minute later**

Millie's in the bathroom.

'MARIA! GET OUT! I NEED TO CLEAN MY TEETH!'

She opened the door. 'Awww... Won't Kittykat let Sweetie Pie kiss her?'

I gave my sister evils and pushed her out of the way.

**6:03 am**

Snogging Gee. We're on the bed.

Gee's under me. Time to fondle.

**3 minutes later**

I think Kittykat's gone jelliod.

She's groaning and shivering under my touch.

Should probably stop now. I don't want to go too far.

**1 minute later**

Hmmm... Now the cheeky minx is fondling me.

I muttered against her lips. 'Kittykat's such a minx.'

**5 minutes later**

I stopped fondling Kittykat.

I didn't want my hormones to takeover.

'Is Kittykat jelliod?'

'Nrrrghh...' I kissed Gee on the conk.

**1 minute later**

Time to find Kittykat's tshirt.

**6:18 am**

Mutti came into my room. She had breakfast.

'Breakfast Pookie... I made Georgia some too.'

Gee sat up. She wasn't jelliod anymore.

'Thanks Jane.' Talk about making yourself at home.

We'd have to start spending more time around her house.

Doubt Kittykat would agree to this.

**1 minute later**

Eating breakfast.

'Does the Biscuit get to walk Kittykat home today?'

'Non. Kittykat has that appointment thingy. She'll catch the bus.'

'Oh...' I'd forgotten about her appointment thingy.

Maybe I should offer to go with her.

**6:32 am**

Having a cold shower. Kittykat has gone home.

Should have offered to go to Gee's appointment thingy with her.

Even if I would've made an utter fule of myself.

**21 minutes later**

Vati's in my room. He raised his eyebrows.

'Are you okay...? You were in that shower a long time?'

'I'm fine.'

'Really Dave? Are you really?'

Wish he wouldn't do that. It's very weirdiosity.

'Yes.'

**5 minutes later**

I got dress into my prison uniform.

Vati sat thinking. 'Careful Vati... You might strain the ole' brain cell.'

He didn't find that very amusing. 'Is everything okay with Gee?'

'Yes.' Vati raised his eyebrows higher.

Hmmm... Should I tell him?

**1 minute later**

Told Vati about Gee's appointment thingy.

'Didn't think my son got embarrassed about those things. He has two sisters after all.'

'I'm not embarrassed.' Vati shook his head.

'Whatever, son... It's your life. I'm sure Gee would like you there.' Vati then left.

**1 minute later**

Argh... Why can't my Vati be normal? Why can't he tell me what to do?

**8:20 am**

Walking to HM Foxwoods.

Thinking about Gee's appointment thingy.

'DAVID!' That'll be Rollo.

**1 minute later**

Laughing like a loon. Think I'm going to have a wazz on the floor.

Rollo's giving me evils.

'Rolland, what the flip happened to you?'

'My mad little sister with a pair of safety scissors.'

**1 minute later**

Laughing at Rollo new haircut.

It hacked. Only way to describe it.

'Has Julia seen you?'

'No... Is it really that bad?'

'Yep.' Rollo sighed.

'Dad offered to shave the rest off... but I wouldn't let him.'

I was honestly trying my best not to laugh.

**5 minutes later**

The rest of the Barmy Army have arrived.

They're rolling around the floor laughing.

Rollo's just shaking his head. 'It's not funny guys.'

'It is a little funny.' Rollo hit me... Violent much.

He stormed off up the street.

**1 minute later**

'What exactly happened?' I looked at Tom.

'His sister with safety scissors'

**8:31 am**

Running after Rollo up the hill.

Dec, Ed and Tom grabbed him.

'GET OFF!' I shoved Ed baseball cap onto Rollo's head.

Rollo calmed down. 'Thanks guys.'

We all smirked like loons.

**8:43 am, HM Foxwoods Gates**

Red-Lighter's at the gate. Checking uniform.

'Rolland... Hat, please.'

'Ms... I... Nrrrghh.' And that's all he said.

The Barmy Army have gone jelliod around me.

**6 minute later**

Walking to Darren's office with Rollo.

What happened...? You tell me.

Red-Light just had a nervy b. The Biscuit didn't do anything.

**4 minutes later**

Walked into Darren's office.

'Morning!' Darren looked up.

'David...? The bell hasn't even gone yet.' I shrugged.

'Arr... But the Biscuit ran into Red-Lighter. She hates the Vati.'

'That would be because the Vati calls her Red-Lighter.'

**1 minute later**

Sat down in my usual seat.

Darren's looking at Rollo.

'And why's Rolland here?'

'Rolland's little sister had an accident with a pair of safety scissors last night.'

Darren raised his eyebrows. 'Very funny Dave...'

**1 minute later**

Darren found Rollo's new do very amusing indeed.

Rollo huffed and sat in the seat next to the Biscuit.

'It doesn't look that bad, Sir.'

'Shut up, Dave.' Charming.

'Sorry Rolland... I shouldn't laugh. Let me guess Ms. Star wanted the hat?' Rollo nodded.

**9:10 am, PE with Darren.**

Foxwoods' gym on the rowing machines.

Thinking about yesterday.

**2 minutes later**

For all you fules that are having senior moment the Biscuit shall explain what happened, as the Biscuit is full of generosity like that. Hmmm... Maybe I should stop spending so much time with Kittykat. She seems to be rubbing off on the Hornmeister.

Ooo-err.

_**Back to the Lands of the Out of Date Biscuit**_

_Monday, November 14_

_**11:15 am, Darren Office**_

_The Biscuit is still writing lines after putting a frog in Red-Lighters ice tea._

_Her face was priceless when she realised. _

_Thought she'd have thrown the frog at me again... But sadly it was not to be._

_**11:17 am**_

_My mobile rang. It's Kittykat._

_I put her on speaker. Darren sighed._

'_David, this isn't a call centre.' I ignored him._

'_Kittykat has reached the Hornmeister's detention suite. How may he help you?'_

_Kittykat giggled. Core... She gives me the horn. 'Dave. Are you free to talk?'_

'_To Kittykat, the Biscuit is always free. And Darren doesn't mind either.'_

_Darren sighed again and muttered under his breath. How rude._

'_I have a thing at the doctors tomorrow.'_

'_A thing?' Or did she say fling... She's such a tart._

'_Yeah, an appointment thingy. Mutti booked it.'_

_Oh... I take it back, she's not a tart._

'_Kittykat is sick?' I tried to sound caring, but when Kittykat's being ditsy I find it very hard._

'_No. It's... erm... well... it's... like for... I mean... it's... err...'_

_For the love of Pants. Kittykat been eaten by Ellen._

'_Ellen. Put Kittykat back on the phone.' I heard Gee gulp. _

_Why is she so nervous? 'Mutti says I can go to Italy with you next summer...' I can't wait for Italy now. I don't even care that Handbag Horse will be there, because Gee will be there too. And she's my Sex Kitten. 'But I... I have to... like get the pill first.'_

_What?_

_**1 minute later**_

_I turned into a red loon._

_Darren chuckled under his breath. _

_He worse than the Barmy Army at times._

'_Dave? Are you still there?'__ Bugger... I'm still on the phone._

'_Erm... err... yeah... I...'_

_Turns out Ellen is highly contagious._

'_You don't have to come with me. Unless you want too.'_

_She wants me to go with her. _

_The Biscuit talking to the nurse-y person about our relationship?_

_What is Mutti turns up and tells all her frwends? _

_What if I freeze: turn into a red loon? What if I start saying Pants? _

'_Can the Biscuit think about it?' Gee took a second to reply._

'_Yes.'_

_**2 minutes later**_

_Hung up on Gee. Darren raised his eyebrows._

'_Girl problems?'_

'_Shut up.' He smirked._

'_Arr... So the Biscuit does get embarrassed?'_

'_I don't.' Not very good at lying to Darren._

_He shrugged his shoulders. 'Whatever?'_

_**3 minutes later**_

_Is the Biscuit mature enough to take this seriously? _

_Could he be mature enough? _

_Would Kittykat get the hump if he acted like le fule?_

_**1 minute later**_

_She probably would. _

_**End of Flashback**_

Tuesday, November 15

**10:40 am, Break**

Dragging Tom off to talk.

'DAVID! SLOW DOWN!'

**1 minute later, The Wazzarium **

'What's happened Dave?'

**3 minutes later**

Told Tom about the appointment thingy. He laughed.

'That's what has your knickers in a twist? Dave you're being ridiculous.'

'Am not. I'll look like an utter loon.' Tom laughed again.

'No offence mate, but you are an utter loon... And that's why Gee loves you.'

**1 minute later**

Evil Voley King. Making the Biscuit see sense. Hmmm...

**2:45 pm**

Tom was right. Argh... Hate him for making me admit that.

Gee's appointment thingy was on my mind for the rest of the day.

I told the Barmy Army I had detention after school.

Tom didn't look impressed. I ignored him.

He wasn't Mystic Meg, so he doesn't know the Vati's tre terrific plan.

**3:00 pm**

Stalking Kittykat. Hiding behind a tree.

Gee's standing at the bus stop.

Decided to follow her to the hospital.

She'd probably like me to go to her appointment thingy with her.

**4 minutes later**

'DAVE!' Bugger... She saw me.

'There is no Dave here. This is a tree.' Kittykat laughed.

'What are you doing here...? Rollo said you had detention.'

I came out from behind the tree. 'The Biscuit? In detention? Never... He thought Kittykat might like him to go with her. To her appointment thingy.'

She raised her eyebrows. 'Seriously?'

'Yep.'

**1 minute later**

Gee hugged me.

Hmmm... You know what?

I don't think she wanted to go on her own.

**3:12 pm, The Bus**

Kittykat's sitting on the Hornmeister's lap.

'Why the change of heart?'

I started to play with Gee's hair. 'Hmmm... The Hornmeister missed Kittykat.' Gee sighed.

'Why did you say you couldn't yesterday?' I shrugged my shoulders.

'I was shocked... And... erm... well... err...' Kittykat laughed.

'Earth to Dave.'

'I was embarrassed about, it alright?'

**4 minutes later**

Snogging Kittykat with tongues.

**3:45 pm, The Sexual Health Clinic**

Walked into the reception holding Gee's hand.

If Kittykat squeezes any tighter we're going to end up in A&E: and some doctor will be reattaching the Biscuit's hand. 'Kittykat needs to chill.'

**1 minute later, Reception Desk**

Kittykat is dithering.

'Gee... Georgia... I mean G...' I interrupted.

'Georgia Nicolson. Her appointments at 4 o'clock.'

The receptionist smiled and told us to take a seat.

I pulled Kittykat onto my lap.

'Thanks.' I smiled.

'And the Biscuit thought he'd make a fule of himself.'

**1 minute later**

Gee wacked me in the stomach.

I pouted. 'Kittykat that's not naice.'

'The Biscuit isn't vair naice. Just because he got all embarrassed yesterday.'

I sighed: Gee laughed. She wasn't ever going to let that go.

**3 minutes later**

Kittykat is still laughing like a loon.

'Kittykat, you're hurting the Biscuit's feelings.'

'I'm... I'm sorry. I'm... I... I am... like... kind of... having a... a nervy b.'

She's so cute.

**4:00 pm**

'Georgia Nicolson. Room 3.' Gee gulped.

'That's us Sex Kitten.'

**4 minutes later, Room 3**

Kittykat pushed the Biscuit into Room 3.

'POOKIE!' Gadzooks... It's Mutti.

'Mutti... What are you doing here?'

She raised her eyebrows.

'I volunteer here on my days off... Pookie.' She was being patronising.

**3 minutes later**

Sitting across from Mutti. She hasn't spoken yet.

If she doesn't hurry up, she'll be giving Kittykat mouth to mouth.

I took hold of Gee's hand.

'Georgia, breathe.' She gasped whilst Mutti giggled.

'Okay... I'll make it quick. You want the pill?'

'Yes... Else I'm not allowed to go to Pizza-a-gogo-land for Millie's wedding next year.'

'There are other methods. Injection? Implants?'

**1 minute later**

Gee is very red.

She shook her head.

'I just want the pill.'

Felt like saying 'I just want this to end' but that would have been rude.

I kept quiet and held Kittykat's hand.

**1 minute later**

'Okay Georgia. I'll give you a prescription... Dave will take you to pick them up.' I will?

Mutti's nodding at me. 'It'll be one pill everyday in order. If you should miss one accidently just take it as soon as you remember and continue as normal. It won't matter if you have to take two a day.'

Mutti sat signing the prescription and updating the computer.

'What if I lose them?' Mutti smiled.

'If you lose them you can come back and we'll talk about having them replaced... Oh and keep them away from Dave because he ate Rebecca's when he was little.'

I turned red like a loon. Why does my family insist on embarrassing moi?

**4:17 pm**

'Right here's the prescription. May I please have a word with my son in private?'

Great. What have I done now?

**1 minute later**

Kittykat left the room.

'You watch her with those... Just give her a gently reminder about taking them for the first couple of weeks. Don't be pig ignorant and blurt it out in front of everyone.'

I swear Mutti thinks I'm bloody stupid sometimes. '... And I'm very proud with your maturity.'

**1 minute later**

Freedom. Kittykat smiled at me.

'Ready to go.'

**4:46 pm**

Walking Kittykat home. We'd sorted out her prescription.

I gave Gee my blazer because it's very nipple noodles.

'Thanks Davey. For everything today.'

I wrapped my arm around her waist.

'Don't mention it Sex Kitten.' She smiled.

She has such a gorgey smile.

**5:01 pm, Gee's House**

Snogging Gee.

**10 minutes later**

Snogging Kittykat's neck.

'Davey... I love you.'

'Hmmm...' I muttered against Gee's skin: she giggled.

'That tickles.'

**1 minute later**

Connie interrupted us. Kittykat was horrified.

'MUTTI!' Connie laughed.

'Georgia... Don't make such a fuss. I just want to invite Davey over for tea on Thursday.'

Kittykat's face fell.

'That would be lovey Connie.' Gee glared at me.

I smiled. Gee went kind of jelliod.

**1 minute later**

'Well Kittykat: I must be away on my laughing camel.' I kissed Gee on the forehead. 'I'll see you tomorrow arvie for our date... The Biscuit will buy the popcorn.'

Kittykat smiled. 'S'later Davey.'

'S'later Sex Kitten. I love you.' And with that I ran off down the street.

_**A.N. **__**A little insight into how Dave feels. Hope you all enjoyed this chapter. And I hope Dave's flashback wasn't too confusing. 6 more chapters to go. I'm hoping to finish this story by the end of August, depending on how my exam results pan out. Hopefully I'll have finished before they come out but I feel that is pushing it a little. I would like to thank all my fabulous reviews and I hope this chapter clears up the question I received from **__**hilaryemma45**__**. Hopefully I'll be starting the next chapter tomorrow. Love Roxanne the Laugh...**_


	33. Scary Middleaged Cat Ladies

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

**33. ****Scary Middle-aged Cat Ladies**

Wednesday, November 16

**6:00 am**

Half asleep. Shouting at Dave down the phone.

'WHAT DO YOU WANT? IT'S LIKE ONLY SIX IN THE MORNING!'

Dave laughed. 'Kittykat needs to look out le window.'

**1 minute later**

Dave is sitting on my garden wall.

He looks vair yummy in the street lights.

'Is Kittykat coming for a jog?' Bugger... I'm still on the phone.

I rubbed my eyes. 'Kittykat would rather the Hornmeister came up here. She's vair sleepy.'

**2 minutes later**

Watching Dave climb the drain pipe to reach my window.

He's such a loon. I laughed. 'The Hornmeister is such a loon.'

Dave smiled. He has such a groovy smile... And he himself is vair gorgey-porgy.

'Anything to see my fair Kittykat.'

**6:08 am**

Sat on Dave's lap. Don't even care that I'm wearing my teletubby jimjams and I look like a rabid raccoon.

Dave laughed. 'What about Kittykat's elderly loons?'

'They don't need to know that the Hornmeister is here.' Dave raised his eyebrows.

I raised mine higher whilst sticking out my tongue.

**1 minute later**

Snogging Dave. Hmmm... Number 8.

**3 minutes later**

'What movie would Kittykat like to see on our date tonight?'

Didn't really see why the movie mattered, because we wouldn't actually watch it.

'The Hornmeister can pick.'

**1 minute later**

Snogging Dave again. Number 6.

**6:15 am**

Dave's stroking my back. It's vair naice.

**3 minutes later**

Struggling to keep my eyes open.

**1 minute later**

Zzzzzz...

**7:45 am**

Dave had gone when I woke up again. He'd left a note.

_S__'__later Sex Kitten. The Hornmeister looks forward to seeing the beautiful Kittykat this arvie. The Hornmeister misses her already. I love you. Dave. Ps. Remember Kittykat don__'__t agitate the Pants. He doesn__'__t__ like to be disturbed._

The Hornmeister is so cute. Utterly loony but cute all the same.

**10 minutes later**

Getting ready to go to Stalag 14.

Makeup natural: bit of lippy, pale eye shadow, brown mascara, bit of blush and bronzer.

**8:02 am, The Kitchen**

Looking for Breaky.

**1 minute later**

Eating dry Corn Flakes out of the box because there's no milk.

**1 minute later**

Decided to feed Angus and Gordy.

Hmmm... We have no cat food.

I don't think a bowl of dry Corn Flakes would do them any harm.

**4 minutes later**

Knew I was forgetting something. I haven't taken my pill yet.

Hmmm... I wonder what happened to Dave when he ate Rebecca's pills.

I must remember to ask her.

**8:35 am**

Walking to Jazzy's house.

**5 minutes later**

Ooo-err Hunky's sitting on the wall with Jazzy on his lap.

Wonder why he's here so early?

**1 minute later**

'MORNING!' They gave me a funny look.

Jas jumped off Hu-Tom's lap.

'Why are you so happy?' Ooo... Someone has the hump.

'Why shouldn't I be happy, my bestest pally in the world world?'

I put my arm around her's and Hunky's shoulders.

'It's creepy that's why.'

I turned to Hunky.

'And why is Hunky here at such an early hour?'

Tom went a little red.

'He stayed over last night.' Ooo-err. 'Georgia. Don't be so immature.'

Bugger... Did I say that out loud?

**8:49 am**

Walking up the hill toward Stalag 14.

Hunky and Po are holding hands.

They're talking about moss and fox poo.

**3 minutes later, the Gates of Stalag 14**

Hunky and Po said their goodbyes.

'Bye bye Po. I'll see you later.'

He kissed Jas on the forehead.

Jas smiled. 'Can we go rambling tonight?'

Hunky nodded. 'Sure.' I swear he'd agree to anything she said.

Hunky then kissed Jazzy on the forehead again, before continuing up the hill toward Foxwoods.

**8:55 am, Assembly**

Slim is telling us how we should behave at Alton Towers on Friday.

'I will have no ditsy-ness around the boys from Foxwoods. They are after all teenage boys and not to be trusted. You will all behave appropriately and like mature woman...' Blah, blah, blah.

I swear, if we actually listened to Slim, we'd all end up as scary middle-aged cat ladies.

**9:15**** am, Drama Hall**

We're starting our next school production. A Midsummer Night's Dream.

... Meaning we have no lesson's today. Fabbity-fab.

**1 minute later**

It's a comedy revolving around the adventures of four lovers, a group of amateur actors and fairies. The nub and gist of it is that the characters are in the forest: there is lots of red bottomosity but in the end everyone lives happily ever after.

**3 minutes later**

RoRo's just raised her hand.

'Miss... Me, Georgia, Ellen, Jools and Mabs want to be the fairies.'

Miss Wilson looked at Rosie. 'Rosemary... It's wonderful to see such enthusiasm.'

**1 minute later**

Fabbity... The Ace Gang all got girly parts.

I'm Titania: Queen of the Fairies.

RoRo is Moth. Mabs is Cobweb.

Jools is Mustardseed. Ellen is Peaseblossom.

She doesn't have many lines, because otherwise the play would be vair much longer.

Jas is Helena.

**5 minutes later**

Gadzooks... The Foxwoods lads are here.

Miss. Wilson wants them to be much more involved in this production.

She's actually letting them on stage this time.

She is clearly insane.

**9:26 am**

Dave is imitating Darren behind his back.

I had to hold back a laugh. Dave winked at me.

**3 minutes later**

Hehe... Darren caught Dave.

'DAVID! Stop being immature.'

Dave sat down with the other lads.

**5 minutes later**

The Ace Gang were all listening as Darren gave parts to the Barmy Army.

Jas was dithering. 'I... I... really like... well hope that... Hu-Tom gets... to... like... be... Demetrius.'

'Okay. Let me see... David. Seeing as you think that you're the best thing since sliced bread, you can be the Fairy King: Oberon.'

Hehe... Davey will have to wear tights.

**1 minute later**

Ooo. I'm the Fairy Queen.

**1 minute later**

Hmmm... Wonder if there's an on-stage snog.

'Then we'll have David's partner is crime: Rolland. You shall be Puck. Hope you boys enjoy wearing tights.' Rollo and Dave didn't look vair amused. 'Tom, you can be Demetrius. Dec: Nick Bottom. Ed: Peter Quince...'

Darren went on for a while, but the Ace Gang weren't listening anymore.

We were talking about our costumes.

**9:45 am**

Team building exercises with the lads.

We have to be in pairs. I'm with Dave: no surprise there.

'Did Kittykat get a part?' I laughed whilst falling back into Dave's arms.

'She did indeed. The King of the Fairies is looking at his Queen.' Dave smiled widely.

'Ooo... The Queen gives the King the horn.' I laughed.

He's such a loon. I couldn't wait to see him in tights.

**11:15**** am, Break**

The Foxwoods lads are staying all day.

We're going to start learning our lines after break.

**1 minute later**

We took the Barmy Army out to the tennis courts.

I somehow ended up squished inside Dave's coat with him.

He's zipped the front up, so I can't get away.

We each have one arm in one of the sleeves.

Dave's other arm is around my waist and slowly creeping up to my nunga-nungas.

**2 minutes later**

Hawkeye's just told us off for being immature.

**1 minute later**

Dave kissed me on the cheek.

**11:****30 am, Back in the Drama Hall**

Practicing my lines with Dave. Not that I understand them.

Dave keeps adding the occasional Pants into his lines, which is makes me smile vair much.

He is such a laugh. Hence him being Dave the Laugh... Hehe.

**1 minute later**

Jools has raised her hand.

'Miss... Haven't we got a script in English? I don't understand any of these words.'

'Yeah. I think the audience would much prefer a modern day take on ole' Billy.'

**1 minute later**

RoRo seems to be in Miss. Wilson's good books today.

She agreed that a modern day twist would be a marvy idea.

**10 minutes later**

The modern scripts have arrived.

Ooo... I don't think Davey and I are a vair happy King and Queen of the Fairies.

**1 minute later**

We're laughing like loons on loon tablets. We sound ridiculous saying our lines.

We're supposed to be angry at each other but hearing Dave's voice makes me jelliod.

**2 minutes later**

Erlack... I get to fall in love with Dec, who gets to be turned into a donkey.

What in the name of Lord Sandra's undercrackers is this play even about?

**12:01 pm**

Darren has told moi and Dave to skip to the end.

**1 minute later**

It's so cute. The King and Queen make up in the end.

'Play the music. Take my pants, my queen, and we'll lull these people to sleep with our soft dancing.'

I have to dance with Dave. I'm holding back a laugh.

We're doing a really exaggerated waltz.

**3 minutes later, Still Dancing with Dave**

'My Queen you dance divine.'

I shook my head. 'My King you are such fule.'

We'd stayed in character but come way from the script.

'Have you seen the Hornmeister's next line?'

I'd looked at Dave's next line.

He has to sing it which will be vair amusing.

'Indeed. The Biscuit has to sing.' I laughed.

**12:15 pm**

Dave is asking Darren silly questions.

'So this bit where it says... _Titania and I will go to the royal marriage bed to bless it. _How exactly does one bless a bed?' Darren raised his eyebrows.

Dave raised his higher.

'Dave... Can't you go one minute without being immature?'

'Nope.' Darren sighed.

**1:30**** pm, Lunch**

We have to let the Foxwoods lad use the cafeteria first.

We stood watching as they got into their 'pecking order'.

Jas is full of confusiosity.

'What are they doing?'

'It's their pecking order.'

'Pecking order?' Have I not explained this before?

'Hmmm... Everyone who you beat up goes behind you. New kids start at the back.'

**1 minute later**

The Ace Gang found the 'pecking order' weird.

'And the Hornmeister is at the front?' I shook my head.

'Non. Sven is, but he isn't here today and he doesn't really go to Foxwoods. He just turns up for lunch.'

RoRo giggled. 'He likes cafeteria food.' Hmmm... Strange indeed.

**10 minutes later**

Sat with the Barmy Army.

'You girls are so tame. We want to see a good ole' cat fight.'

Dave had wrapped his arm around me as Rollo complained.

'Mate, just face it. You're dating a goody two shoes.' Jools hit Dave.

**3:00**** pm**

Freedom at last.

We continued to learn lines after lunch.

Dave and I still couldn't stay mad at each other for Act 2.

We'd always burst out laughing.

**3:05 pm**

Just the Hornmeister and Kittykat now.

We held hands as we walked.

'Has Kittykat taken her pill today?'

I smiled. He's so sweet checking on me.

'Yes. Kittykat took it this morning.' Dave smiled.

'Good Kittykat.'

**3 minutes later, Home**

Snogging Dave. Number 6.

**2 minutes late**

'I'll pick you up at six.'

'Pick me up?' Dave laughed.

'For our date.' Oh... 'S'later Kittykat. I love you.'

I smiled. 'I love you too.'

**4:45 pm, My Bedroom**

What to wear for my date with Davey?

Skirt, dress or jeans?

It's quite nippy noodles today.

**1 minute later**

Maybe my little denim skirt with black woolly tights and boots...

... Or my skinny jeans.

**1 minute later**

Wonder what Dave will wear? I don't want to be overdressed.

**5 minutes later**

Skinny jean. I've decided. With a cute tshirt.

I'm not going to overdress.

Hair down and straightened. With natural makeup.

**1 minute later**

Fruity or chocolate? Lip gloss.

**1 minute later**

Fruity... because if I have chocolate, I'll just keep licking my lips.

It would be vair awkward.

**1 minute later**

Bit of bronzer, some eye shadow to match my top and eyeliner/mascara.

**6:03 pm**

Dave has arrived. I ran downstairs before Mutti could embarrass me.

I'd be embarrassed enough when Dave came over for tea tomorrow.

Why does Mutti insist on inviting my horn partner for tea?

It's like she rates him. Erlack... Not a vair naice thought. Mutti and Dave.

**1 minute later**

Get out of my head. You don't belong in there, Mutti. Not with my Davey.

**1 minute later**

Stumbled down the last few steps. Dave caught me.

'Careful Kittykat... You could do some serious damage with those nunga-nungas.'

I hit Dave: Dave laughed. 'You ready to go?' I nodded.

**9:48 pm, My Bedroom**

Our date was vair marvy if you ask moi. We sat at the back of the cinema snogging for most the movie.

Dave brought popcorn: half of which was thrown at an annoying little pervert, who kept watching our snogging extravaganza. He was a complete tosser, but Dave eventually sorted him out by forcing the popcorn box over his head.

We were asked to leave after that. We laughed like loons on loon tablets.

Dave brought chips on the way home. We sat in the park eating them in the dark.

We're such loons.

**5 minutes later**

Oops... I never gave Dave his coat back.

We'd both been wearing it whilst sat on the park bench.

Dave had let me wear it as he walked me home because it was vair nippy noodles.

**1 minute later**

Hmmm... I'm vair slee... Zzzzzz.

_**A.N. **__**Hope you all enjoy this chapter. I've realised that I made a mistake in an earlier chapter by saying that the Alton Towers trip was on Thursday. I have changed this now and the trip is now on Friday. That's the only change to chapter 31, so there is no need to re-read the chapter. I've have also started to write the sequel to 'Because that is how Mr. and Mrs. Laugh do it...' I will start publishing chapters as soon as I finish writing this story. The sequel will be called '... And so Kittykat is the only loon in my cosmic bowl'. I will be creating the story on Fanfiction but not publishing the first chapter. This is only so no one copies the title: not that I believe any of my readers would. And because I'm feeling particularly generous today I'm going to give you all a sneak peek of it.**_

_**...**_

_**If you don't want to read the sneak peak before the sequel is officially published please stop reading now.**_

_**...**_

_**...**_

_**...**_

_**...**_

_**... And so Kittykat is the only loon in my cosmic bowl**_

Friday, 15 June

**12:23 pm, Departure Lounge **

Watching my betrothed flirting with the airhostesses.

Amelia and Rebecca sat either side of me.

'We'll make Sweetie Pie stop...'

'If he's like bothering you.'

I shook my head. 'It's doesn't bothering me. He's just bored.'

**3 minutes later**

Dave winked at me.

I laughed: he never changes.

We've been official snogging partners for almost 8 months.

It feels like 8 years, so vair much has happened.

**1 minute later**

It's a shame the Ace Gang couldn't come to the wedding.

**12:30 pm**

Snogging Dave. Number 6.

Hmmm... Nip libbling.

What was I saying about the Ace Gang?

**2 minutes later**

'Kittykat... Why is the Hornmeister so lucky?'

I smiled. 'Hmmm... The Hornmeister is enticing, not lucky.'

Dave laughed.

'Arr... Sex Kitten has the horn for le Biscuit.'

'The Biscuit would like that, wouldn't he?' He's so full of himself.

_**...**_

_**Hope you love it. Love RoxannetheLaugh...**_


	34. Trying to look up the Biscuits Skirt

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

**34.**** Kittykat! Are you trying to look up the Biscuits skirt?**

Thursday, November 17

**3:02 pm**

It was vair dull today at Stalag 14.

I shan't bore you loons with the details.

We had some big inspection, so we all behaved perfectly.

All the lessons were completely normal and such a bore.

It's like someone had replaced the teachers with robots.

**1 minute later, The Tarts Wardrobe**

We're reapplying our makeup, which we were ordered to remove this morning.

The Barmy Army are at the gate, so we couldn't go out there in our o'natural state.

**6 minutes later**

I look vair Sex Kitten-ish, if I do say so myself.

**1 minute later**

The Ace Gang are walking over to the gates doing the hip swing fandango.

Moi was too impatient for that. I ran over to Dave.

He laughed, as I ran into his arms.

'Kittykat... You do make the Biscuit laugh.'

'What are those four doing? They look tres tres ridiculous.'

Hehe... Rollo said 'tres tres'. The Ace Gang lingo thingy must be contagious.

'Arr... Tres tres ridiculous, like that tough guy walk you four do.'

Rollo shut up. Dave laughed again.

'Ladeez are supposed to love the macho walk.'

'Hmmm... Love it because it makes me laugh but that's it.'

'Arr... but ladeez like blokes with a sense of humour.'

I sighed. Dave was definitely right about that.

**1 minute later**

Snogging Dave. Number 6.

The Barmy Army complained about us, until the Ace Gang arrived.

**4 minutes later**

Dave and I left our loony mates snogging at the gate.

We wondered off down the hill: holding hands.

'So the Biscuit doesn't like when Kittykat swings her hip?'

'Hmmm... He isn't sure. Kittykat should show him.'

**1 minute later**

Walking ahead of Dave. Doing the hip swing fandango.

**3 minutes later**

'Hmmm... It's very naice Kittykat.'

Bugger. He's looking at my botty, isn't he?

**1 minute later**

'The Hornmeister is looking at Kittykat's botty.'

'And a vair naice botty it is.' I hit Dave. 'The Biscuit is sorry... But Kittykat's botty is so enticing.'

'The Biscuit is just rudey dudey.'

'Kittykat... The Biscuit is a bloke. It's what we do.'

**3:26 pm**

Dave says I should only swing my hips if I'm walking away from him. Cheeky minx.

**1 minute later, Outside my House**

Dave snogged me. Number 4.

'The Hornmeister shall go home and get out his prison uniform. He'll see Kittykat s'later. Give her time to get her face on and all that jazz.' I smiled.

'Yep... And get my Mutti and Vati into age appropriate clothes.'

Dave laughed, before kissing me on the forehead.

Hmmm... We should really put that in the snogging scale. It could be like number 3½.

**2 minutes later, Into the Loony Bin**

Mutti appeared. 'Where's Dave?'

'He's gone home to change.'

Felt like saying 'And you should do the same' but I didn't.

She's wearing a vair short denim skirt with a see-through top.

'I've sent Libs to Josh's for the night. It'll just be yourself, your father, Dave and I.'

Fab... And that's sarcasm in case you fules hadn't realised.

**1 minute later, My Bedroom**

What to wear? Casualosity or sophis?

**3 minutes later**

Casualosity... Jeans and a cute top.

Put my hair in curlers. Touched up my makeup.

**4 minutes later**

Davey's back. Ran to answer the door before Mutti could.

Bugger... I still have my curlers in.

Dave smirked. 'Trying something different with your hair, Kittykat?'

'They're curlers you prat.'

**1 minute later**

Ekk... Vati's wearing his leather trousers.

'Georgia, what the devil have you got in your hair?'

'Vati... They're hair curlers.'

'Go take them out you look silly.' Charming.

**3 minutes later**

I turn my back for just a minute and Mutti had already got out the baby photos.

Dave's sat with her looking at the album. He had a vair smug look on his face.

'And this is when she had nappy rash... She hid under her cot. Bob had to lift the cot, whilst I grabbed her.'

I turned into a humongous red loon. Dave winked at me.

'Kittykat. You were such a cute baby.' I gave Dave death glares.

**4:19 pm**

Sitting next to Dave.

He's looking through the photo album again.

Mutti has gone to start tea... Shock horror.

She's actually going to cook for once.

**1 minute later**

Vati's turn to interrogate Dave.

'What do your parents do?'

'Mutti's a surgeon and Vati's an accountant.'

Hehe... That'll teach you Vati.

Richard and Jane are umber smart.

'Do you have any siblings?'

'Two... Twin sisters: Mills and Rebecca. I'm the youngest.'

'What do they do?'

'Rebecca's at Cambridge University studying Medicine. Mills is on the West End in the Sound of Music.'

I thought Vati was about to have some sort of fit. He looked vair shocked.

'Excuse me.'

**1 minute later**

Yay... Vati has gone. Dave laughed.

'You know Kittykat I really rather like your elderly loon.'

I raised my eyebrows.

'Enough to swap?' Dave continued to laugh.

'You'd miss them.'

**1 minute later**

Laughing like a loon on loon tablets.

Me miss Vati and Mutti...? That's utterly absurd.

**2 minutes later**

Ekk... I sound like Libby.

Why did my mouth just do that?

Naught mouth. No 'Heggy Heggy Hog Ho' laughing.

Dave is staring me, as if I've grown any extra head.

**1 minute later**

I've stopped making el prat of myself.

Snogging Dave. Number 5.

**4:27 pm**

Mutti walked into the living room.

'I'm cooking fish cakes and chips for tea.'

Dave and I jumped as she spoke.

'Erm... That's coolio Connie.'

Mutti smiled at Dave.

**1 minute later**

Dave is staring at Mutti's basoomas.

'Hornmeister, stop it.'

Dave frowned as I whispered into ear.

'Sorry... Kittykat.'

**3 minutes later**

Mutti's talking to Dave.

'Do we get to meet your family, Dave?'

The loony Nicolson's meet The Laugh's.

What a tres tres terrific idea... Not.

'Actually my Mutti said to invite you to Amelia's engagement party this Saturday.'

What? Giving Dave death glares.

'That sounds lovely.' Great.

**5:02 pm**

The kitchen is full of smoke. It's set off the fire alarm.

This is why Mutti doesn't cook.

**1 minute later**

Vati opened the back door to let the smoke out.

Angus attacked him.

'BLOODY CAT!'

'BOB! WE HAVE A GUEST!' Dave squeezed my hand.

'Don't. Say. A. Word.' He laughed under his breath.

**2 minutes later**

Mutti has ordered pizza... And apologised to Dave about a trillion times.

'Connie, it's alright. I like my fish well done.' Bless him.

He actually ate one of the fish cakes to shut Mutti up.

I had warned him it might kill him. He told me not to be so silly.

**5:21 pm**

Pizza's arrived. We sat around the dining table.

'Do you take after either of your parents, Dave?'

Bet Dave is sick of the questions. He's just being polite by answering them.

'My Vati. I don't look much like Mutti... Georgia looks a lot like you, Connie.'

Thanks a lot Hornmeister. He literally just called me a prozzie.

Mutt was flattered by his comment. He's such a flirt.

I kicked him under the table. 'OUCH!'

'Sorry... Was that your leg, Davey. I thought it was Angus.'

I would never kick Angus. I value my legs too much.

**10 minutes later**

'Do you plan to do A-levels next year?'

'Sure... Mutti is looking at university for me. Unless I can get myself scouted.'

'Oh... Where do you perform?'

'Erm... There's a comedy club in town which I occasionally do. We know the manager there.'

I didn't know Dave performs.

'That's fabulous... Maybe we can come see you perform sometime.'

Dave said he'd like that. But I think he's only being polite.

**6:34 pm**

Dave said he had to leave. I walked him out to the gate

'See Kittykat. That wasn't so bad.' I raised an eyebrow.

He laughed. 'S'later Kittykat.'

**1 minute later**

Snogging Dave. Number 6.

**4 minutes later**

Watching Dave gallop off up the street.

He's such a loon, but I love him.

**8:08 pm, My Bedroom**

Preparing for tomorrow.

Mud mask - Check.

Painted nails - Check.

Outfit chosen - Check. Jeans and a cute top.

Hair in curlers - Check.

Bag packed - Check... Camera, makeup and mobile.

**9:10 pm**

Have to sleep sitting up, because I want to leave my curlers in.

Fab... Gordy has joined me in bed.

His fur has almost grown back. No more Super Punk Kitty.

**5 minutes later**

Zzzzzz...

Friday, November 18

**5:45 am**

It's vair early... But we have to be at Stalag 14 by seven o'clock today.

If we're not there the coach leaves without us.

**6:35 am, Walking to Jas' House**

The Ace Gang are all meeting at Jas' house this morning.

We want to arrive together, so we get good seats on the coach.

**5 minutes later, Jas' House**

We're all in jeans and tshirts today.

Roller coasters, skirts and hormonal blokes don't mix.

**1 minute later**

Walking to Stalag 14.

'Erm... I need to warn you about Rollo's hair.'

We looked at Jools. What's wrong with Rolland's hair?

'Did he set fire to it?' I really worry about RoRo: she is clearly insane.

'NO! His little sister cut it with safety scissors whilst her was asleep.'

I didn't know Rollo had a little sister.

'I didn't know Rollo had any siblings.'

Ooo-err... Jas has gone Mystic Meg on me.

'Macy. She's a little madam but vair cute.'

**1 minute later**

Nub and gist of the matter is we're not allowed to laugh at Rollo.

'Gee. Has Millie said any more about the wedding?'

'Hmmm... She said everyone has to wear white.'

Jas raised her eyebrows.

'What about upstaging the bride?'

I doubt anyone could upstage Mills. She is tres tres gorgey.

'Won't happen. Mills is tres tres gorgey.' RoRo smirked.

'Kittykat's on the turn again.'

I whacked her in the nungas. 'Get off lessie.'

I'm not on the turn. I didn't even mean to hit her in the nungas.

She moved her arm.

**7:10 am, On the Coach**

Sat next to Jools.

We're all doing our makeup in the window.

It makes a vair marvy mirror.

**1 minute later**

Just a bit of lippy, eye shadow, mascara and eyeliner for moi.

Hehe... Jools just poked herself in the eye with the mascara brush.

Waterworks alert.

Luckily Mabs had brought makeup wipes: else Jools would have been a giant panda for the day.

It would match Rollo's 'interesting' haircut though... Hehe.

**13 minutes later, On the M1**

The Foxwoods coach is in the lane next to us.

All the girls are making flirty faces at the lads.

Talk about tarts or what.

'Georgia. Look there's Dave.'

Where?

I threw Dave my tres attractive smile. Dave laughed.

**1 minute later**

Dave just blew on the window.

You know so it goes all steamed up.

He's writing a message.

_Tart... _Charming.

**1 minute later**

I steamed up my window and wrote a message back.

_Love you too. _He laughed, before winking at me.

**5 minutes later**

The lads are making piggy faces against their window.

The Ace Gang laughed. I heard Wet Lindsey huff.

'How immature? That's why I only date older men.' Spoilt sport.

I took pictures with my camera.

**3 minutes later**

Wonder why the lads stopped. Texted Dave.

_Why did you stop with the piggy faces? Gee xxx._

Dave took a second to text back.

_Darren said it was vair immature. Dave xxx._

_And of course you always listen to Darren... Hehe._

_We do when he's taking us somewhere naice._

_Ooo-err... Man date._

Dave just laughed.

**9:56 am, Alton Towers... Finally**

Just made an utter fule of myself and fell out the bus.

I heard Dave laugh.

'Kittykat! Are you trying to look up the Biscuits skirt?'

What? He helped me up.

**1 minute later**

Gadzooks... Why the flip are all the Foxwoods lads wearing skirts?

_**A.N. **__**Hope you all enjoy this chapter. I have almost finished the next chapter, so I may upload that later today. Love Roxanne the Laugh...**_


	35. Gee's Biscuit

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

**35.****Gee's Biscuit**

**9:57 am**

'Why are you all wearing skirts?' The Barmy Army laughed: Rollo explained.

'That little strike we had about wanting to wear skirts in school. It backfired... We weren't allowed on the trip today, unless we were wearing a skirt. Darren's an evil genius like that.'

Jas took hold of Hunky's hand. 'But you look so silly.'

'Po that's the idea.' Rollo chuckled.

'Dave's not wearing anything under his.'

I turned in a red loon whilst Dave winked at me.

'Kittykat would like that wouldn't she.'

'I don't believe you.'

'Arr... Is Sex Kitten willing to take the risk?'

I smirked. 'Yes.'

**3 minutes later**

The Ace Gang looked mortified.

Dave just flashed his boxers at us. Number 9.

I knew he and Rollo were telling porkies.

**1 minute later**

Group picture... We asked Herr Kamyer to take it.

**10:09 am, Queuing to get into the Alton Towers**

The queue is vair long. It's twisted around those barrier thingies.

Rollo and Dave thought it would be amusing to swap them all about.

By the time we reached the front, the queue behind us was in utter chaos.

**1 minute later**

Darren wasn't amused.

Rollo and Dave therefore aren't allowed out of his sight.

... And so Jools and I have to say with Darren too. Not fair.

**1 minute later**

Dave and Rollo are acting like little kids.

They each have hold of Darren's hands. They're even calling him Daddy.

'Daddy. I want go on big train thingy.'

'Nooo... We go on flying thingy.'

Jools and I just laughed.

Darren is being literally pulled in two.

'You two are worse that Ayden.' Ayden is Darren's two year old son.

**5 minutes later**

Darren let Dave and Rollo on the roller coaster.

They dragged me and Jools with them. Jools looks horrified.

'Rollo I can't. I don't like heights.'

'Baby... Nothing's going to happen.'

**1 minute later**

Hehe. Dave just reminded Jools about Final Destination 3.

She's having a nervy b. 'Stop it, mate.'

**4 minutes later**

Sitting in the coaster.

Ekk... The restraint thingy that comes down over our heads is vair tight.

Or is it just because I have humongous nungas.

Dave looks quite comfortable in his seat.

**1 minute later**

Scratch that...

'Kittykat. This skirt is so uncomfortable... Why didn't you warn the Hornmeister?'

'I don't know. Because I never thought I'd find my Hornmeister in a skirt.'

'Arr... Kittykat doesn't know the Biscuit at all.'

'Apparently not.' Dave laughed.

**10:26 am**

This coaster is vair scary. I'm holding Dave's hand tightly.

He and Rollo don't seem to be scared at all.

Jools is screaming.

**5 minutes later, Off the Roller Coaster**

Darren is waiting for Dave and Rollo.

Ewww... Slim is trying to flirt with him.

We hid behind a candyfloss cart.

'Didn't see you at the last staff outing?'

'Yeah... My son was ill. I had to stay home and look after him.'

'Will you becoming on the Christmas meal this year?' Darren nodded.

It's vair weirdiosity to imagine the teachers socialising outside of Stalag 14.

**1 minute later**

Hmmm... This is like watching paint dry.

Slim is tres tres horrific at flirting.

'Nice weather today?' Darren nodded again.

**2 minutes later**

Laughing like loons behind the candyfloss cart.

Slim just tried sticky eyes.

Darren thought she had something in her eye.

**1 minute later**

Dave and Rollo bought candyfloss for me and Jools.

**10:38 am**

Dave is bored with watching Slim flirt with Darren.

He waltzed over to them and sat on Darren's lap.

Darren raised his eyebrows. 'David?'

'Yep...' Slim looked full of confusiosity.

'This is David. He's Amelia's and Rebecca's little brother.'

Slim nodded. Hehe... Her chins did a little dance.

**3 minutes later**

Slim has left. We moved on.

Dave has nicked my camera. He's taking lots of pictures.

Hmmm... He's trying to take one up Rollo's skirt.

I really worry about Mr. Laugh sometimes.

**2 minutes later**

Met up with the rest of the Ace Gang and their betrothed.

Dave took a vair attractive picture of RoRo's nose.

It didn't help she was literally snogging the camera.

**8 minutes later**

The Barmy Army want to go on the Congo Rive ride.

**1 minute later**

Jazzy Spazzy is refusing to go on the ride.

She doesn't want to get her hair wet. Stupid fringe-y vole.

Dave bunged my camera into Hunky's hands.

'Mr. and Mrs. Voley are on photo duty then.'

**11:06 am, Queuing**

Darren has been forced to come on the ride with us, by Rollo and Dave.

We left Jazzy holding all our bags and valuables.

**19 minutes later**

We haven't moved that far.

'Kittykat...' Dave wrapped his arms around me.

'What does Mr. Laugh want?'

Dave snogged me. Number 6.

**5 minutes later**

Someone is pushing me and Dave along the queue.

**11:29 am**

Reached the front of the queue... Finally.

We all climbed into one of the raft thingies.

We let Darren sit next to RoRo because Sven isn't here today.

**3 minutes later**

Abso-bloody-lutely soaked through to our undercrackers.

Ekk... I forgot to wear waterproof makeup.

'Kittykat, you look like a panda.'

Giving Dave death glares.

**1 minute later**

The water is vair nippy noodles.

I'm going to catch glandular fever.

Jazzy say it's the snogging disease.

Does that mean I can't snog Dave, if I catch it?

Poo. I don't want glandular fever.

**5 minutes later**

Drying off in the massive drier thingy-ma-gig.

Hehe... The Barmy Army are holding up their skirts to dry off their boxers.

Group Number 9-ing. Ewww... That's tres tres gross.

**11:47 am**

'Kittykat...' Argh. I'm blind.

Dave has my camera again.

He just blinded me with the flash.

'DAVE!' He laughed.

He took another picture. 'STOP IT!'

**1 minute later**

Nicked my own camera off of Dave.

... And attacked him.

**1 minute later**

Snogging Dave. Number 6.

I took a picture of us.

I wanted to know if we look attractive when we snog.

**1 minute later**

Hmmm... We don't. Dave laughed.

I shut him up by blinding him with the flash.

'Kittykat. That's not naice.' I laughed.

'The Hornmeister blinded Kittykat.'

Dave rubbed his eyes.

**11:52 am**

We've just found the Titches hiding behind a bush. They've been following Dave.

I forgot that the Hornmeister has his own Fan Club.

The Titches giggled.

'Miss... May we like speak to Dave the Laugh?'

'Erm...' Dave raised his eyebrows.

'Go for it Ladeez.' The Titches went jelliod.

'Nrrrghh.' Dave laughed.

**1 minute later**

'WE LOVE YOU DAVE!'

Gadzooks... The Titches recover quickly.

Dave smirked. 'I love the Biscuit too.'

**1 minute later**

Dave had kissed each Titch on the forehead.

They'd both went jelliod again.

'Right Kittykat... Would you like lunch?' I laughed.

'You're evil Hornmeister. Pure evil.'

The Titches would be jelliod for months.

**12:18 pm, Burger King**

How tres tres romantic... Not.

**1 minute later**

Hehe... Slim is here. Darren has just hidden behind Rollo.

'Dar...' Darren snapped at Rollo.

'Don't move... or I'll give you detention.'

Dave has noticed Slim.

'Arr... Darren's admirer is here.'

'Shut up, David. She's blooming obsessed.'

**1 minute later**

Laughing like loons on loon tablets.

Why can't our Headmistress be coolio like Darren?

He's nicked Dec's hoody and is standing in the queue with the hood up.

He looks vair suspicious. Rollo is teasing him.

'We're going have to warn Cassandra that she has competition.'

I'm guessing Cassandra is Mrs. Powers. Darren's giving Rollo death glares.

'You know Ayden's not bad with a set of safety scissors either Rolland.'

Rollo's face fell. Dave laughed.

**6 minutes later**

Sat around a table.

The Barmy Army aimed the wrappers on their straws at Darren.

He raised his eyebrows. 'Grown up?'

'Awww... You'll miss us when we're gone.'

Dave had put on a baby-ish voice. Darren smirked.

'Hardly. Some new loon is bound to replace you.'

'No one can replace the Vati.' We all laughed.

**1 minute later**

Darren is coming to Millie's engagement party tomorrow.

I turned goldfish as he mentioned it.

It's bad enough that Mutti will flirt with Richard.

She'd never be able to resist a more mature version of Davey.

... And now gorgey Darren is going to be there too.

This is going to be tres tres embarrassing.

'Are you okay, Kittykat?' I shook my head.

'Darren... I apologise in advance for my Mutti's behaviour tomorrow.'

Dave laughed. 'Kittykat worries too much.'

Dave snogged me. Number 6½.

**1:06 pm**

We've left the Barmy Army and Ace Gang in a queue.

Dave wants to play mini-golf.

I'd agreed to play with Dave. Ooo-err.

No golf... I mean play golf.

Stupid brain. Stop being so rudey dudey.

**5 minutes later**

I'm not vair good at mini-golf.

'I didn't think the Biscuit liked golf?'

'Jack the Biscuit likes mini-golf... He doesn't like playing with his family.'

'Mill and B play?'

'Indeed. They're members of Vati's poncey golf club thingy.' Oh...

**1 minute later**

Hehe... Davey's helping Kittykat.

He has his arms around me. It's vair naice.

You know the Biscuit's pretty good at ye ole' golf.

'You're vair good Hornmeister.'

'The Hornmeister can't beat the clones though.'

'Are B and Mills good?' Dave nodded.

I bet Dave doesn't like B and Mills beating him.

That's probably why he doesn't like playing golf with them.

**1:39 pm**

Mini-golf is such a laugh. Dave won... But no real surprise there.

The Biscuit felt bad about not letting Kittykat win.

He brought me more candyfloss. A fair trade, if I do say so myself.

It's weird candyfloss. It's blue.

**4 minutes later**

Ekk... It's dyed my lips blue. Dave laughed.

'Kittykat, you're such a laugh.'

**1 minute later**

Pushed Dave into a flower bed.

'Shut up.' He laughed again.

**1 minute later**

Giving the Biscuit the cold shoulder.

**5:50 pm, Walking back to the Coach**

Rest of the arvie was fab-fabbity.

Didn't last long with the cold shoulder biz. Dave snogged me.

Damn the Hornmeister's tiptop snogging skills.

We met up with the Ace Gang and Barmy Army.

Took lots more photos. Went on lots of rides.

Jazzy got stung on the conk by a bumbly bee.

Her conk has swollen up and turned bright red.

She wouldn't let Davey take pictures of her, but the Biscuit did.

Slim flirted with Darren some more. It was tres tres hilarious.

The Barmy Army brought the Ace Gang balloons.

RoRo was feeling vair hippy-ish.

She decided that the balloons should be set free.

Only Lord Sandra knows where the Viking Bride found those scissors.

All together a tip top arvie with lots of nip libbling... Hmmm.

**6:10 pm**

Darren and Slim have agreed to mix the coaches.

I'm sat next to Davey. Rollo and Jools are in front of us.

Rollo's leaning over his seat.

'This coach smells a lot nicer than ours.'

Dave laughed. 'It's the ladeez coach you loon. It will smell naice.'

'Is the bloke's coach vair pingy pongoes?'

'Yep... But the Vati and his mates are immune to it.'

**5 minutes later**

I forget how vair comfy Davey's should really is.

Might just close my mincers for a little... Zzzzzz.

**7:23 pm**

'Kittykat...'

'Are we home?' Dave laughed.

'No Sex Kitten... But you're staying at the Biscuit's place tonight.'

I opened my eyes. 'When did that happen?'

'The Biscuit phoned Kittykat's Mutti...'

'YOU DID WHAT!' Dave raised his eyebrows.

'Kittykat. It's vair rudey dudey to interrupt... Connie said Kittykat could stay at the Biscuits house.'

Gadzooks... Mutti actually did something vair coolio for once.

**5 minutes later**

Someone has written across my forehead in pink Sharpie.

_DAVE__'__S BIATCH_

Hmmm... I wonder who could have possible written that.

Maybe the Hornmeister knows?

... And for you prats out there. Yes, I know Dave did it.

I'm not completely stupid.

**1 minute later**

I'd get Dave back later tonight, when he's in boboland.

**5 minutes later**

Blimey O'Reilly... Will we ever get home?

Must not fall to sleep again...

Or the Hornmeister will write more abuse on my forehead.

**8:04 pm**

Stalag 14 is around this next corner... Yippee.

**21 minutes later, Dave's House**

Stopped off at moi's house to collect jimjams and a change of clothes.

Dave let us into his house.

'MUTTI! SWEETIE PIE IS HOME!'

I sat down to remove my shoes.

'IN THE KITCHEN, POOKIE!'

**8:35 pm**

Yummy... Jane is cooking dinner for us.

It looks really vair fabbity.

**1 minute later**

Dave's gone to change out of his skirt.

'How was the trip?'

I sat down at the breakfast bar.

'It was vair marvy.' Jane laughed.

'And you fell to sleep on the coach?'

I raised my eyebrows at her.

Bugger... I forgot about my forehead.

'Erm... Yeah.' Jane laughed again.

'Dave?' I nodded.

'Speak to Mills. She'll help you get it off. Pookie used to write naughty words on them when he was little.'

I smiled. 'He's sounds like a nightmare child.'

'Oh he was... I'll show you some old home movies after tea, if you like.'

Hehe. Evil plan.

'That would be lovely Jane.' Jane smiled.

**5 minutes later**

Dave returned. He sat next to me.

'What's for supper?'

Jane raised an eyebrow at him.

'Curry... Is that alright?'

'Yep.'

**9:02 pm**

Dinner's done.

Hmmm... Smells tres tres delicious.

**1 minute later**

Tastes tres tres delicious too.

**9:35 pm**

Watching the Laugh's family movies.

Dave's gone bright red.

He was such a cute little toddler.

'Davey, you were so vair pretty.'

I laughed. Dave's giving me death glares.

**4 minutes later**

Jane put the next movie on.

The title came on the screen _Dave's Third Birthday_.

Dave the Toddler jumped up in front of the camera.

'Ello... I is 3.' He held up four fingers.

The younger Richard laughed from behind the camera.

'Dave that's four.' Dave the Toddler shook his head.

'Nah...'

**1 minute later**

The scene on the movie changed.

'RICHARD! DAVE'S FOUND HIS BIRTHDAY CAKE!'

Younger Richard had the camera. He walked into a room.

Younger Jane was in the room with Little Millie and B.

She was holding Dave the Toddler. He was covered in cake.

Younger Richard laughed.

'Ooo... Busted Sweetie.' Dave the Toddler laughed.

'Hmmm... Bath time.' Dave the Toddler's face fell.

'Nah...' Bless him. He sounded horrified.

Younger Richard laughed.

Younger Jane carried Dave the Toddler kicking and screaming out of the room.

**1 minute later, Back in Reality**

'The Biscuit say that he's had enough of this.' Richard and Jane laughed.

'But Pookie... We haven't seen the best bit yet.'

**4 minutes later, Bach in TV land**

Dave the Toddler has just come running back into the room in nuddy pants. Ooo-err

Younger Richard laughed. 'You're going to regret letting me get this on camera son.'

Dave the Toddler crawled under the table. Younger Jane reappeared: she was soaked.

I laughed.

**1 minute later, Back in Reality**

Whispering into Davey's ear.

'Kittykat has seen the Hornmeister in nuddy pants before. He's vair much sexier now.'

Dave smiled. 'Kittykat, you are such a minx.'

**1 minute later**

Snogging Dave. Number 6.

**6 minutes later**

Millie interrupted us.

'Ooo. Ooo. Ooo. I just like totally remembered. I brought Kittykat a dress for tomorrow. I want my bridesmaids all in the same dresses. Is that alright Gee?'

I looked at Mills. 'Err... Yeah.'

**10:08 pm**

Millie dragged moi up to her bedroom.

I sat on her bed whilst she opened her wardrobe.

Her clothes are so marvy.

**1 minute later**

I've gone goldfish.

Millie pulled a dress out her wardrobe.

It's gorgey.

'I'll like do your hair and makeup... and I've like brought you heels.'

She laughed. 'And we'll get rid of the permanent marker.'

**3 minutes later**

Millie is trying to remove _DAVE__'__S BIATCH_ from my forehead.

Lemon juice... She says it normally works.

**10:12 pm**

Yay. It's gone. The permanent marker you loons.

What did you think I meant?

'Want a marker to like get Sweetie Pie back?' I nodded.

'You bet.' Just have to decide what to write.

**11:20 pm**

Hehe... Davey's finally in boboland.

Millie had given me a purple permanent marker.

This will teach the Hornmeister for writing on Kittykat's forehead.

_GEE'S BISCUIT__..._

_**A.N. **__**3 more chapters to go. I'm getting so excited about finally finishing this story. I have many ideas for the sequel and I'm dying to write them down. Next chapter the Laugh's meet the Nicolsons. What could possible go wrong? I also figured that Dave and the Barmy Army should have a cool headmaster, seeing as I myself, have never had a cool headmaster. I mean do cool headmasters even exist. Next chapter we meet Darren's family. Not sure what they'll be like yet. I have plans for little Ayden, but not for Cassandra. I hope you've all enjoyed this chapter. Love RoxannetheLaugh...**_


	36. Biscuit Man and the Incredible Bacofoil

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

**36. ****Biscuit Man and the Incredible Bacofoil Cape**

Saturday, November 19

**7:32 am**

All snugly under the duvet with Davey.

Hmm... I think moi will have a little nose around the Hornmeister room.

The Hornmeister is snoring. He shan't be waking up anytime soon-ish.

**1 minute later**

Looking through Davey's undercrackers drawer. How in the name of Lord Sandra did one of moi's over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders get into the Hornmeister's undercrackers drawer?

Cheeky Cat.

**2 minutes later**

Ooo... A letter.

It's addressed to moi.

Must mean I'm allowed to have a nose then.

_Kittykat... I love you. Really very much. But I know you love Mas. I want you to know. That if the Handbag Horse ever runs off into the sunset with his homosexulist lover I__'__ll still be here. With Emma I guess. But I don__'__t__ love her. I love you. I want you to be happy. If you just want to be mates then that__'__s coolio. I__'__ll take any chance to see you smile. But I can__'__t promise I__'__ll behave myself. You__'__re very gorgey. Just be happy my little Sex Kitten. The Biscuit will always be waiting in hope you__'__ll change your mind. Love Dave. _

Awww... That's really vair sweet.

**1 minute later**

Ooo... There's another letter.

_Kittykat... I know I__'__ll never have the guts to send this. I didn__'__t__ send the last letter I wrote. I__'__ve changed my mind. I can__'__t live without you. I hate seeing you with Mas. I could literally duff up that Handbag Horse if I knew it wouldn__'__t upset you... And if he wasn__'__t a woman type person. I don__'__t__ want to be mates anymore. You drive me mad. You give me the horn so very much. Please. Just ditch the Handbag Horse. I want you to be my horn partner. I love you. Dave._

**2 minutes later**

Sat on Dave.

Shan't mention the letter because it'll embarrass the Hornmeister.

Don't think Kittykat was even supposed to see them.

Dave spluttered.

'Kittykat...' I laughed.

'Morning Hornmeister.'

**1 minute later**

Climbed back under the duvet.

Snuggled up next to Dave.

'I love you, Dave.' He stroked my back.

'Hmmm... I love you too, Georgia.' I smiled.

**8:02 am**

Being pulled in two.

Dave wants me to stay in bed with him.

Mills wants me to go look at bridesmaid dresses with her.

'KITTYKAT IS STAYING WITH THE BISCUIT!'

'BUT WE LIKE HAVE TO PICK BRIDESMAIDS DRESSES!'

**3 minutes later, Back Under the Duvet.**

Dave won the Kittykat tug of war game.

... But Mills is sitting at Dave's desk with her laptop.

**1 minute later**

Snogging Dave. Number 9.

**10 minutes later**

Hehe... I made the Biscuit jelliod. 'Dave?'

'Nrrrghh.' I laughed.

Mills just raised her eyebrows.

'You two are disgusting.'

**2 minutes later**

Millie left the room.

'So, what are the Biscuit and Kittykat going to do today?'

'Now a-nout ne nowing noats non ne nake?' I raised my eyebrows.

'Hornmeister... It's Kittykat's job to get stupid brain and speak utter nonsense.'

**1 minute later**

Gave Dave a minute to compose a normal sentence.

'The Biscuit doesn't get stupid brain.' I laughed.

'He does.'

'He doesn't.'

'Does.'

'Doesn't.'

'Does.'

'Doesn't.'

**1 minute later**

Snogging Dave. Number 5.

**8:34 am**

The Hornmeister had suggested the rowing boats on the lake.

I've never been on the lake. It could be vair interesting and tres tres romantic.

And no one could interrupt our snogging whilst we're in the middle of the lake.

So Kittykat agreed.

**13 minutes later, Walking to the Park**

The lake is hidden behind the trees at the back of the park.

Jazzy always gosses about it... I don't listen to her though.

She talks about tadpoles and newt poo and other vair boring stuff.

**8:49 am**

We brought a breakfast-y type picnic.

Jammie dodgers and choccy.

Not exactly the most nutritious breaky, but I ain't complaining.

**9:00 am, In the Middle of the Lake**

'Hornmeister we're just going in circles.'

'Arr... But Kittykat likes circles.'

'She does not. They make her feel dizzy.'

We stopped rowing. I'm amazed we even made it to the middle.

Kittykat and the Hornmeister are vair crappy at steering the boat.

**3 minutes later**

Hmmm... Snogging Dave. Number 6.

**9:06 am**

'Tiptop snogging Kittykat.' We both laughed.

We're in the middle of the lake in a rotten rowing boat, snogging.

... And it's vair nippy noodles.

We utter loons.

**1 minute later**

'Lobe you, Kittykat.'

'Kittykat lobes herself too.' Dave pouted: I laughed. 'And she loves the Hornmeister.'

**1 minute later**

Snogging Dave. Number 6 again.

**19 minutes later**

'No Dave... Don't...'

**1 minute later, In the River**

Dave thought it would be tres tres clever to stand up in the boat.

He capsized it.

**9:32 am**

Waiting to be saved.

Dave has pushed moi up onto the capsized boat.

He's still in the water. I wouldn't let the Biscuit join moi.

'Ooo... Kittykat has the hump.'

What type of div thinks that standing up in a small boat is a good idea?

... And to top it off I'm wearing a white tshirt, which has now gone see-though.

'David, you're such a prat.' Dave laughed.

'Kittykat looks tres tres marvy in her wet tshirt.'

I biffed Dave around the head.

**1 minute later**

Yay... Mr. Boat Owner has come to save us.

Wrapped up in a bacofoil cape thingy.

Mr. Boat Owner says it's to stop hypothermia

Don't know what hypothermia is? Didn't ask.

**2 minute later**

Ekk... The Voley couple are here.

They'd see everything... And Hunky had gotten it on film.

Bugger. 'Dave. What were you thinking?'

'That Kittykat would look sexy in a wet tshirt.'

Jas biffed Dave around the arm.

'It was a vair irresponsible thing to do. You could have drowned.'

'Yes, Mutti.' Jas biffed Dave again.

**9:39 am**

Walking back to Dave's house.

Mr. Boat Owner let us keep the bacofoil cape thingies.

Dave's pretending that he's a superhero.

Biscuit Man and the Incredible Bacofoil Cape.

I'm giving Biscuit Man the cold shoulder, because he capsized the boat.

'Arr... Kittykat is ignorous vousing Biscuit Man.' I didn't speak. 'Kittykat may be Biscuit Man's sidekick.'

I raised my eyebrows at Biscuit Man. 'Very well... Biscuit Man away.'

Dave ran off down the street.

**1 minute later**

We should have a superhero/heroine party.

That would be vair marvy.

Hunky and Po could be Vole Girl and Vole Man... Hehe.

**9:54 am, Dave's House**

Jane caught us trying to sneak upstairs.

'Heavens... What happened to you two?'

I glared at Dave. 'Pookie capsized the rowing boat.'

**1 minute later**

Jane followed us upstairs to get towels.

She pushed Dave into the bathroom.

... But said I could use her ensuite.

**10:14 am, Mills Room**

Had a tres tres marvy warm shower.

Mills has given me a set of dry clothes.

She's sitting on her bed.

'I sure like Sweetie Pie didn't mean to tip the boat.'

I laughed. 'He's an utter loon.' Mills laughed.

'That's why you love him.' I gave Mills death glares.

She was right though.

**3 minutes later**

Dave's at Millie's door. 'Can the Biscuit come in?'

Awww... He thinks I'm still mad with him.

I opened the door.

'Oui... But it's one snog per entry.' Dave laughed.

'You're such a minx.'

'Just snog me you loon.'

**1 minute later**

Snogging Dave. Number 5.

**5:15 pm**

What a fabbity day...? Minus the whole boat fandango.

Dave and I made muffins which exploded in the oven. It wasn't that bigger mess, because we'd eaten almost half of the batter by the time the muffins made it into the oven. The batter was vair yummy. The burnt exploded muffins were less than yummy.

We laughed like loon of the first water... And threw flour at each other.

Dave left too floury handprints on my botty. Cheeky minx.

**1 minute later**

Currently getting ready for Millie's engagement party.

Millie is putting moi's hair in curlers.

'What is Davey wearing tonight?' Millie looked at me.

'Erm... Mom brought him a shirt and tie. Think he's wearing jeans with them.'

I hoped the Hornmeister wore his skinny jeans. His skinny jeans give Kittykat the horn.

**3 minutes later**

Millie is painting my nails.

'Who else is coming tonight?'

'Mostly our family. Val's family like all live in Italy... And friends. Ja.M.O and their families are coming. We're like having Karaoke later on in the night. You'll be able to like hear Roxanne sing. She always joins in on Karaoke.' I nodded.

'Oh...'

**6:03 pm**

Gadzooks... My hair is full of bounciosity.

'Mills you're amazing.' Millie laughed.

'Professional curlers. Not me.'

She sat me down before starting on my makeup.

**6:21 pm**

Ready. I went to find Dave.

He was in his bedroom. Doing his hair.

I laughed. 'The Hornmeister is so vain.'

'Am not.' He looked at my reflection in his mirror.

His face fell. 'Core... Sex Kitten. You look so vair gorgey.'

I smiled. I was staring at Dave's botty.

'You look fab too, Hornmeister.'

'You minx stop looking at the Biscuits botty.'

'I wasn't.'

'You were Kittykat. I saw you.'

**1 minute later**

I've turned into a red loon.

**7:00 pm, Mill's Engagement Party**

Holding Dave's hand.

'Kittykat looks vair gorgey.'

I smiled. 'You've already said that Hornmeister.'

'Hmmm... Because it be true.'

**4 minutes later**

Mills want to take photos.

Kittykat and the Hornmeister were the first victims.

'Sweetie Pie, you're too short. Stand up straight.'

Dave didn't look amused.

The heels Mills had brought moi were vair high.

It felt like it did the first time Kittykat and the Hornmeister dated.

**1 minute later**

I took the heels off for the photo with Dave.

**1 minute later**

'May I now borrow Kittykat? I want a photo of my bridesmaids.'

Dave nodded. 'Sure.' Mills dragged me over to Roxanne and Rebecca.

I haven't met Roxanne yet.

'Roxanne, this is Georgia... She's Sweetie Pie's girlfriend.' Roxanne smiled.

'Nice to meet you, Georgia.'

**3 minutes later**

Sitting with B and Roxanne... And two other ladeez.

'Mills say you want to be a journalist, Gee?'

What moi? Yes... She's talking to moi.

'Err... I... Yeah, I would like too.'

'Lisa's a journalist in London. She works for Cosmopolitan.'

B pointed to one of the two other ladeez.

'Coolio.'

**7:15 pm**

Dave is staring at moi.

I waved: he laughed.

**2 minutes later**

Ekk... My loony family have arrived.

That means the naff clown car is outside.

'Gee, something wrong?'

I looked at B. 'My family has arrived.'

**1 minute later**

Mutti and Vati are talking to Richard and Jane.

No sign of Libs... Probably off terrorising the other guests.

**2 minutes later**

Dave dragged me over to greet my parents.

'Dave...' Charming Mutti.

It's not like your daughter's here.

'Where's Libby?' Mutti looked at me.

'We left her with your grandfather. We didn't think this would be her type of thing.'

Thank Lord Sandra. No mad little sister.

**2 minutes later**

Ewww... Mutti is trying sicky eyes on Richard.

I elbowed her in the side.

'WHAT GEORGIA?' I smiled.

'Nothing.'

**1 minute later**

Dave wants to dance.

**7:31 pm**

Love dancing with Dave.

**1 minute later**

Dave twirled me around.

I fell off my heels. Dave caught me.

'Kittykat.' I took my heels off.

'Poxy things.' Dave laughed.

**1 minute later**

Snogging Dave. Number 5.

**7:45 pm**

A little boy just ran into Dave's legs.

'DAY!' Dave looked at the little boy.

'Ayden... Where'd you come from?'

The little boy pointed at Darren.

Darren was stood at the edge of the dance floor with his wife.

Cassandra is vair pretty... And in case you loons have forgotten, Cassandra is Darren's wife.

And I'm not on the turn.

**6 minutes later**

Dave is playing with Ayden.

I say playing, but really they're causing trouble.

I sat down next to Rebecca.

Rebecca laughed. 'Sweetie Pie is real good at entertaining little kids.'

It seemed that way indeed. Ayden is laughing like a little loon

**10:05 pm**

The rest of the party was coolio.

Dave introduced me to all of the Laughs.

Jane's family are from Hamburger-a-gogo land. They're accents are vair marvy.

Ayden eventually went to boboland. Dave and I danced some more.

Roxanne sang like Millie had said.

Roxanne is an amazing singer. My mouth fell open when I first heard her.

Mutti continued to flirt with Richard.

A few vino tintos later, she moved onto Darren.

By nine o'clock Vati had decided Mutti had had enough vino tinto.

He took her home... Richard helped carry her out to the clown car.

Would have liked to see Vati lift Mutti. He'd have probably hurt himself though.

**2 minutes later, My House**

Richard dropped me off.

Dave had been on the vino tinto.

He'd fallen to sleep in the car.

I kissed him on the forehead.

'Night Davey.' Richard laughed.

'He always falls to sleep when he's had wine.'

I smiled. 'Tell him I said bye.' Richard nodded.

'Sure.'

_**A.N. **__**We're down to the last two chapters after this. The day of the Christmas ball. Next chapter will be Davey's POV. His day running up to the Ball. The Barmy Army's reaction to the boat fandango and his family fussing over how nice he looks when he's all dressed up to take Gee to the Ball. The final chapter will of course be the Ball itself. Anyway, hope you've enjoyed this chapter. Love RoxannetheLaugh...**_

_**Ooo... I just remembered that I've put some picture of the Ace Gang's dresses for the Christmas Ball and the necklace that Dave gave Gee on Photobucket. Type RoxannetheLaugh into the search bar on Photobucket, or I'll try put a link on my fanfic profile**_._****__** Take a look it you like. I'll tell you if I put any other pictures on there.**_


	37. I got kissed by a camel Dave's POV

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

**37. ****And then I got kissed by a camel... |Dave's POV|**

**7:34 am, The Biscuit's Bedroom**

Argh... The Biscuit's head feels like it's going to explode.

Flipping Vati and his vino tinto.

**1 minute later**

Wonder if Gee stayed the night?

**1 minute later**

The end of the party last night is a blur.

The journey home isn't in the Biscuit's memory jar.

Hmmm...

**1 minute later**

Zzzzzz...

_**1 minute later**_

_How did I get back at the party?_

_Why am I dancing on the flipping table? In my nuddy pants?_

_Why does Gee have kittykat ears? And a tail?_

_She's so gorgey._

_**3 minutes later**_

_Cheeky minx has joined the Biscuit on the table._

'_Do I give you the horn?'_

_What? When did Gee get into her nuddy pants?_

_**1 minute later**_

_Core... She gives me the horn._

_She led me away, out the room._

'_Where we going?'_

'_Arr... That be the surprise.' She laughed._

_**1 minute later**_

_Following Kittykat outside._

_Not holding her hand, but holding onto her tail._

_She's so gorgey. _

_Right now the Biscuit would follow her off el cliff._

_**2 minutes later**_

_How did we get on a beach?_

_**1 minute later**_

_Kittykat ran off into the sea._

'_Come get me, Hornmeister.'_

_**3 minutes later**_

_And then I got kissed by a camel..._

_Damn it. This is a dream._

**10:05 am**

'DAVID! DAVID! WAKE UP!'

Bugger... Rollo is here.

'JA! JA! BISCUIT BOY!' And Sven.

**1 minute later**

Hanging up-side-down.

Rollo has a smug grin on his face.

'And Gee find this attractive?'

'Sven mate, put him down. He looks a little green.'

Why are they all here so early?

**1 minute later, Right-Side-Up**

Hunky got the Biscuit aspirin.

'You Cats ruined a vair naice dream.' They all laughed.

**10:28 am**

The Barmy Army need a bloke's day out.

We spend too much time with the ladeez.

We've even started to sound like them.

Rollo keeps adding 'tres tres' into his sentences.

And Dec is starting to dither.

'Have... err... like... well... you seen... I mean...'

Ed hit Dec over the back. 'Spit Ellen out, mate.'

**2 minutes later**

Hunky says the Ace Gang are having a sleepover-type-shindig next week.

'Coolio. We should like spy on them... Whose house is it at?'

We all looked at Rollo. Is he utterly mad?

'We can't spy on them.'

'Sure we can. We can hide a camera in the room.'

'Arr... But Rolland if we spy on the girlies and they find out, they'll get the mega hump.'

Rollo shook his head.

'They don't have to find out.'

Hunky sighed. 'It's at Gee's place.'

Fab... That means the Biscuit has to place the camera.

Poxy Radio Tom.

**2 minutes later**

I bet Angus eats the camera.

... Or Libs will nick it.

**11:32 am, Walking to the Park**

Footie time. Nothing like footie to get the vino tinto out the Biscuit's system.

**1 minute later**

Woopies... We just kicked the ball into Mr. and Mrs. Across the Street's allotment.

Mr. Across the Street is there. It hit him on the head.

**1 minute later**

Being chased down the street. Rollo had grabbed the ball.

'YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING KID! YOU'LL BE THE DEATH OF ME!'

**2 minutes later**

Hiding behind a garden wall.

Mr. Across the Street ran straight pass.

**1 minute later**

Peaking over the top of the walls.

Bet we look like utter loons.

'Is... err... is he... like... I mean gone?'

**1 minute later**

Put Dec in the next dustbin we came across.

He has to stop dithering. It's vair annoying.

**2 minutes later, The Park**

Ekk... The Ace Gang are sunbathing in the park.

It's flipping November and my horn partner is sunbathing.

What a loon?

**3 minutes later**

Walked up behind Gee. 'KITTYKAT!'

Hehe... Made Kittykat jump.

**1 minute later**

Snogging Gee.

**12:02 pm**

'OI! DAVID! ARE YOU GOING TO PLAY?'

'YEAH!' I looked at Gee. 'S'later Sex Kitten. The Hornmeister is needed.'

Gee laughed. 'Yes he is.' She's so very gorgey.

**10 minutes later, Playing Footie**

We're all distracted, watching the ladeez.

The Biscuit just hit Ed in the face with the ball.

Oops... I've giving him a nose bleed.

Mabs is going to have the Biscuit's head.

**3 minutes later**

Mabs is fussing over Ed. 'Mabs, I'm fine.'

'... But it's still bleeding. We need to take you to the hospital.'

'I'm alright.' She kissed him on the forehead.

Can't tell the Vati that Ed doesn't lobe the fuss?

'MABS! He says he's fine.'

**1 minute later**

Mabs insisted that Ed went home.

Hunky took Jas off to look for newt's poo.

Sven pulled Rosie onto his shoulders and ran off.

Dec and Ellen are dithering.

And Rollo is already snogging Jools.

Kittykat smiled at me. 'Hey Hornmeister.'

I laughed. 'Hey Kittykat.'

**4 minutes later**

Walking around the park with Kittykat.

Cheeky minx's nicked the Biscuits jacket, because it's very parky today.

'What time is the Biscuit picking Kittykat up?'

Argh... Forgot that poxy Christmas Ball is tonight.

'Erm... Is six coolio?' Gee nodded.

**1 minute later**

'Did the Biscuit make a fule himself last night?'

Kittykat laughed. 'No... The Biscuit fell to sleep.'

'Good. Good.'

'What had the Hornmeister thought he'd done?'

**1 minute later**

Snogging Kittykat with tongues.

The Hornmeister didn't want Kittykat to know about his dreams.

... Same goes for the Georgia with kittykat ears and tail, who lives in the Biscuit's dreamland.

Wonder if Kittykat has a Hornmeister living in her dreamland?

What would that Hornmeister look like?

**12:49 pm, Luigi's for Lunch **

The Biscuit pulled out Kittykat's chair.

'Dave, you're such a gentleman.'

We both laughed. 'What would Mrs. Laugh like?'

**18 minutes later**

Kittykat is such a laugh. She's got cream all over her conk.

'Err... Kittykat.' I tapped my conk.

Gee raised her eyebrows. 'What?'

'Kittykat has... err... cream on her humongous conk.'

**1 minute later**

Gee's cheeks turned red. I laughed.

'Kittykat is so vair cute.'

Gee hit me... Violent much.

**12:14 pm**

Gee dropping hints about Christmas prezzies.

She's making the Biscuit drop hints too.

Bless her... She's having a nervy b. about the Biscuit's prezzie.

The Biscuit hadn't even thought about Christmas.

**1:23 pm**

Walking Gee home. She wants to start getting ready for tonight.

The Biscuit doesn't understand why Kittykat needs five hours to get ready for the Christmas Ball.

It'll only take the Biscuit half an hour.

... And Kittykat is beautiful just the way she is.

**5 minutes later, Kittykat's House**

The Biscuit sat Kittykat on the wall.

Kittykat's lips puckered. 'You're such a minx.'

Gee frowned... And then she snogged me.

**9 minutes later**

'S'later Kittykat.' Gee smiled.

'S'later Davey. I love you.'

'Love you too.'

**1 minute later**

I kissed Kittykat on the forehead before leaving.

Gee sat on the wall, watching me walk down the street.

**10 minutes later, The Biscuit's House**

Let myself in. 'THE VATI IS HOME!'

'HEY SWEETIE PIE...'

'MOM'S OUT!'

The Biscuit's Darlin Clone Sisters are in the living room.

Looking at wedding stuff.

**4:46 pm**

Got stuck looking at wedding stuff all arvie with Mill and B.

The Biscuit did not enjoy himself. It was tres tres boring.

**1 minute later**

Getting ready for the Christmas Ball.

Why is it in November? Christmas is weeks away.

Hmmm... Should start to decide what to buy Kittykat.

**5 minutes later**

The Biscuit is never going to be able to grow a beard.

His facial hair is pants. I blame Vati for the lack of beardiness.

**5:10 pm**

Putting on the Biscuit's poncey suit.

Ewww... I look like Charles.

**4 minutes later**

Ready to face the family.

**5:30 pm**

Feel so vair poncey in the Biscuit's tres horrific suit.

'Awww Pookie, you look so handsome.'

'I fell like el prat.' Mills and B laughed.

Mills took a picture.

'Smile, Sweetie Pie. You...

'Look like really good.'

'Shut up, Maria.' Vati laughed.

'Son... Remember you're going to make Gee happy.'

**1 minute later, In Millie's Crappy Little Car**

Vati was right. I was going to make Kittykat happy.

She'd look gorgey and that's all the Biscuit really cared about.

**2 minutes later**

Hmmm... Wonder if Gee will be ready?

_**A.N. **__**Short Chapter... Sorry. Promise the Last Chapter is going to be longer. Dave apologises too for being a Biscuit of so little words. I decided that Dave should have a Georgia that lives in his dream world and that she should feature kittykat ears and a tail. Gives a reason for Gee's pet name. I enjoyed writing Dave's dream sequence. I hope you all enjoy it. I may do another Davey dream sequence in the sequel if I get positive reviews about it. I hope you enjoy this chapter. I again apologise for its shortiness, but right now my head is swimming with ideas for the squeal and the final chapter of Because that is how Mr. and Mrs. Laugh do it. I'll start the final chapter tonight and it will be publish tomorrow if I get it finished. Love RoxannetheLaugh...**_


	38. Ya scrub up well Munchkin

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

**38. ****Ya scrub up well Munchkin**

**6:03 pm**

'GEORGIA, HONEY! DAVE'S HERE TO PICK YOU UP!'

'HURRY UP, KITTYKAT! WE MUST BE AWAY ON A LAUGHING CAMEL!'

Eek... Dave's here.

'I'LL BE RIGHT DOWN!'

**1 minute later**

Pulling the last of the curlers out my hair.

It's full of bounciosity tonight. With tres dramatic makeup: dark smoky eye shadow, black eyeliner, several coats of mascara, foundation, bronzer, blush and pale lippy.

It all goes perfectly with my purple princess dress, which my nunga-nungas are firmly taped into.

Not escaping tonight girls... Even if the Hornmeister would like that to be the case.

**1 minute later**

Packing Mutti's little black clutch bag.

Lippy.

Powder.

Tissues.

Camera

... And mobile.

Fab. That's everything.

**15 minutes later**

Dave appeared in the doorway. 'Kittykat, what are...? Phwoar.'

Turned to face Dave.

Core... My Davey scrubs up well.

Hehe. He looks jelliod.

'I'm coming.' I walked over to Dave and took his hand.

He took a second to compose himself before twirling me.

'Kittykat is gorgey.' I smiled.

'The Hornmeister doesn't look bad himself.'

**1 minute later**

Leading the Hornmeister down the stairs.

Vati and Mutti are stood at the bottom.

'Ya scrub up well Munchkin.' Charming Vati... Just Charming.

Mutti hit him. 'BOB! You look wonderful Georgia.' That's better.

**2 minutes later**

Vati took pictures of me and the Hornmeister.

Davey brought me a flowery thingy. It's to wear around my wrist.

Jane told Dave that it is traditional in Hamburger-a-gogo land.

**1 minute later**

Mutti keeps saying Dave looks vair handsome.

I pulled the Hornmeister out the door.

... Before Mutti could start with sticky eyes.

**6:20 pm**

Millie is dropping us off at Stalag 14.

Dave is really vair gorgey in his suit.

It's black with a white shirt and dark purple bow tie and waist band thingy.

I sat in the back of Millie's car staring at Davey. He laughed.

'Couldn't Kittykat find a bigger dress?' I smiled.

My dress filled the space in the back of Millie's little car.

'Non...' We both laughed like loons.

'The Biscuit thinks Kittykat looks beautiful. He likes this dress vair much.'

Cheeky Cat is staring at my nungas.

**5 minutes later, Stalag 14**

Dave helped moi out of the car. Such a gentleman.

'Thank you, Hornmeister. You're such a gentleman.'

'Anything for Mrs. Laugh.' I smiled.

**1 minute later**

Walking to the sports hall. Holding Davey's hand.

He looks vair awkward walking along in a suit.

I laughed. 'You look weird in your suit, Hornmeister. A naice weird... but weird all the same.'

He raised his eyebrows. 'I feel utterly poncey. Like Charles.' I smiled.

'I think the Hornmeister looks kind of gorgey.'

Dave raised his eyebrows higher. 'Do I give Kittykat the horn?'

I laughed. Dave always gives moi the horn.

'Dave, you always give me the horn.'

**1 minute later**

Snogging Dave. Number 6.

We didn't even make it to the sports hall.

**4 minutes later**

'Ooo-err... What do we have here?' Rollo and Jools.

Wow... Jools looks really pretty tonight.

'Hmmm... Think I may have to nick your date Rolland. Jools looks vair gorgey.'

Jools laughed. Rollo just looked tres shocked.

'Thanks Gee. You look naice too.'

Dave wrapped his arms around my waist.

'Kittykat is mine, so eyes off Julia.' I laughed.

**1 minute later, The Sports Hall**

Gadzooks... Sven is wearing a full fur suit with a red shirt.

Dave laughed so much. I thought the Biscuit might pee on the floor.

RoRo looked marvy too.

I told her. 'RoRo, you look particularly naice tonight.'

RoRo gave moi a dodgy look. 'Is the lessie trying to entice moi?'

I raised my eyebrows. Can't I say my pally looks naice without being a lessie?

**6:37 pm**

The rest of the Ace Gang arrived.

Jas hugged me. 'GEE! YOU LOOK SO PRETTY!'

I pushed her away. 'Get off lessie.'

She frowned, so I hugged her again. 'Only joking Jas. You look fab too.'

Jas smiled widely before dragging Hunky off to get drinks.

**2 minutes later**

The Ace Gang had agreed that we all looked utterly fab.

We sat a one of the tables.

Dave nicked my camera to take photos.

**10 minutes later**

We took lots of photos.

And Kittykat's horn partner is being a laugh in all of them.

Well... Not the one of moi and him. The Biscuit took that seriously.

**6:58 pm**

We have to vote for Ice King and Queen of the Ball.

Hmmm... Who do I vote for?

**1 minute later**

Looking over Davey's shoulder. Figures.

He wrote Darren Powers for Ice King.

And Slim for Ice Queen.

Darren's going to kill the Hornmeister.

**4 minutes later**

Moi voted for RoRo and Sven.

... Because they're the Viking King and Queen.

The rest of the Ace Gang won't tell Kittykat who they voted for.

Bet Wet Lindsey wins. I feel vair sorry for the Ice King. Hehe.

**1 minute later**

Hmmm... The Biscuit is up to something.

He and Rollo have wondered off.

Jools sighed. 'They're going to get themselves kicked out.'

'Nah... Darren would never kick them out.'

'Suppose. Shall we dance?'

**1 minute later**

On the dance floor with the rest of the Ace Gang.

**4 minutes later**

RoRo brought the bison horns.

Practicing for Sven and RoRo's wedding in eighteen years time.

Jas fell over. Dragging Ellen with her.

The Viking bison disco inferno isn't so vair easy wearing heels.

**1 minute later**

Hunky and Dec to the rescue.

'Are you okay, Po?' Jas has turned into Mrs. Huffy Knickers.

She didn't want to dance with the Ace Gang anymore.

Dec was hilarious. 'El... Ellen... are... like... well... you... okay?'

Dec tried to help Ellen up, but fell on top of her.

Jools and I laughed. 'Ooo-err Dec...'

'Save some of later.' Jools is such a minx.

Dec went bright red.

**7:12 pm**

Getting a drink.

Why is the Hornmeister is sitting under the table?

'Da...'

'Kittykat. You'll give away the Biscuit's position.'

What has moi's horn partner done now?

**2 minutes later**

Dave has found himself a new hiding place.

He called it tres tres genius.

Have you loons guessed were it is yet?

Allow Kittykat to enlighten your fragile minds.

It's Kittykat's dress. Dave is sat under moi's dress.

'Don't move Kittykat.'

'Dave this isn't going to work. '

'Arr... That be where Kittykat is incorrect.'

'What did the Hornmeister do?'

'We just glued Darren to his seat.'

'Dave, that's not vair naice.'

Ekk... I'm turning into Jazzy Spazzy.

Dave laughed. 'Did the Biscuit climb under the wrong skirt again?'

What? Why the Biscuit say again?

'Chill Sex Kitten... We glued Slim to her chair too.'

**2 minutes later**

Laughing like a totally loon on mega loon tablets.

Damn... Darren saw me. He still has the chair glue to his botty.

'Georgia. Have you seen David?'

'No. He went off with Rollo.'

Darren raised his eyebrows at me.

**1 minute later**

Darren knows that Dave is under my dress.

Dave sneezed. Fab.

'David. Give me the solvent for the glue.'

Dave came out from under my dress.

'The Vati doesn't have one.'

'Don't be a div. You're not stupid.'

**1 minute later**

Dave did have a solvent, just in case he leaned in the glue. He handed it to Darren.

'Thank you... Now bugger off. I don't want any more pranks out of you tonight.'

Dave nodded, before giving Darren a quick salute.

**7:31 pm**

'Kittykat's nunga-nungas are giving the Biscuit the horn.'

We were dancing, so my nungas were jiggling about.

I raised my eyebrows. 'Not now Hornmeister.'

**1 minute later**

The Hornmeister has nicked Kittykat's camera to take photos.

Hmmm... Photos of Kittykat's nungas. Cheeky cat.

**8:02 pm**

Dave wants some fresh air.

**1 minute later**

We walked along the empty corridors.

Stalag 14 is vair scary at night.

I held Dave's hand tightly. He laughed.

'Foxwoods is haunted. The Biscuit's going to join the ghosties, if he becomes a ghost.'

I laughed. 'You're going to give Kittykat nightmares.'

'Kittykat, can stay the night at the Biscuit's house if she's scared?'

Ooo... That would be nice. Dave laughed.

'Georgia. You just said that out loud.' I turned red.

**1 minute later**

Snogging the Hornmeister in an empty classroom. Number 7.

**9:05 pm**

Jazzy Spazzy interrupted our snogging extravaganza.

'Erm... they... like... well about to... like... announce... Ice... King and... erm... Queen.'

The Voley One look tres tres embarrassed. Dave laughed.

'Five more minutes.' I raised my eyebrows.

'Later.' The Biscuit smiled cheekily.

**1 minute later, Results for Ice King and Queen**

Slim and Darren are announcing the results. 'It would normally be ladies first, but as Foxwoods is our guest tonight. I shall be letting Mr. Powers announces the Ice King first.'

Darren took over. 'I'm dreading to see what's in this envelope. It doesn't make the winner royalty, so I don't want a Drama Queen in school tomorrow. They're not allowed to order their peers about.'

**1 minute later**

Darren opened the envelope.

'And the Ice King is... Dave.'

What? Dave. My Hornmeister.

The Hornmeister went to collect his crown.

**1 minute later**

Darren placed the crown on Dave's head. Dave laughed.

'Can't get enough of the Biscuit?'

Darren raised his eyebrows. 'Should have rigged the result.'

Ekk... The Ace Gang and Barmy Army are staring at Kittykat.

'What?' RoRo laughed.

'What is Kittykat to do if the Wet one wins?'

**1 minute later**

Gadzooks... What if Lindsey did win?

She'd be the Biscuit's queen. I gulped.

**2 minutes later**

'And now to see the result for Ice Queen...'

**9:12 pm**

'Georgia.' Ekk... That's me.

**1 minute later**

Dave laughed. 'Kittykat... Come be crowned.'

What? Oops. I'm supposed to collect my crown.

**1 minute later**

Slim placed the tiara on my head.

'SNOG! SNOG! SNOG! SNOG!'

I'm going to kill Rosie.

**1 minute later**

Ekk... Now everyone's shouting.

'SNOG! SNOG! SNOG!' Dave laughed.

'Is Kittykat going to snog her King?'

**2 minutes later**

Snogging Dave. Number 4.

Everyone cheered.

**9:21 pm**

The Barmy Army dropped to their knees at Dave's feet.

'The Knights of the Pants Table may stand before their King.'

Dave is enjoying this far too much.

**7 minutes later**

Dave is sat on his throne, aka Spotty Norman on all fours.

The Barmy Army made Spotty Norman be the throne.

I'm sat on the Hornmeister's lap. 'Davey, do we have to sit on Norman?'

Dave raised his eyebrows at me.

I raised mine higher.

**1 minute later**

Dancing with Dave.

'Kittykat should bring that sexy lingerie set over to the Biscuit's house.'

I raised my eyebrows again. 'In your dreams, Hornmeister.'

'Arr... But Kittykat rarely wears anything in the Biscuit's dreams.'

'You're such a tart. Trying to entice Kittykat in public.'

Dave winked at me.

**9:47 pm**

Dave got us drinks.

We sat down with the rest of the Ace Gang.

RoRo and Sven have already gone home.

The Barmy Army enjoyed making innuendos out of the news.

So childish... Hehe.

**3 minutes later**

Gossing to the Ace Gang.

We're having a sleepover at moi's place next week. It's going to be utterly fab.

We're going to goss about the Barmy Army, paint each other's nails and look at cute blokes in magazines.

A totally marvy night, if I do say so myself.

**11:06 pm**

Gadzooks... Slim is utterly piddled.

And by that I mean she's been on the vino tinto.

**5 minutes later**

She's just kissed Darren.

Everyone laughed like loons.

Poor Darren. He looked ready to have a nervy b.

**1 minute later**

Herr Kamyer took Slim home.

Not like that you prats.

He drove her to her house. Made sure she got in.

... And didn't attack the next gorgey bloke she saw.

**11:10 pm**

Dave went to see if Darren was okay.

Awww... The Hornmeister cares about his headmaster really.

**12:39 pm**

Slow dancing with Dave. The rest of the Ace Gang are dancing with their betrothed.

It has been a marvy night. I think the Hornmeister has a trip up the snogging scale planned later. He told Kittykat that we'll have the Biscuit's house to ourselves. I'd call Dave a minx.

'But Kittykat likes... So she be a minx too.' I'd flushed red.

Kittykat did like vair much, but she wouldn't admit it.

**1 minute later**

I watched Jools talking to Rollo over Dave's shoulder.

'You think Gee and Dave will last.' Rollo twirled her.

'Jools you worry about such silly things.'

'I don't.'

'Yeah you do Baby.'

**1 minute later**

Dave's shoelaces had come untied.

He tripped. I fell straight on top of him.

Hitting him in the face with my nunga-nungas.

Rollo and Jools were still dancing near us.

Rollo laughed like a loon on loon tablets.

'Gosh are you two okay?' Jools sounded really concerned as I climbed off of Dave.

Rollo's still laughing. 'Of course they're alright... Because that is how Mr. and Mrs. Laugh do it.'

I helped Dave to his feet.

'Is the Hornmeister okay?'

'Nrrrghh...' That's my Dave.

_**A.N.**__**Gadzooks... It's done. I hope you all loved the ending. Don't forget to review. I'd like to thank everyone who has reviewed for their support and suggestions. I will be starting the sequel soon after a well deserved break. It is already on my profile with a preview of the first chapter. It's called '**_**... And so Kittykat is the only loon in my cosmic bowl'.**_** I can't believe 'Because that is how Mr. and Mrs. Laugh do it.' is finally finished. Love RoxannetheLaugh...**_

_**P.s. There is a poll on my profile for the collection of one shots which I'll be writing. The one shots will feature events which happen between this story and the sequel. Please consider voting.**_


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